


Falling

by c_cherrybomb_b



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: :(, Angst, Blood and Gore, Bus crashes, Car Accidents, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt Karasuno, I'm Sorry, Implied Relationships, Major Character Injury, Mild Gore, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Relationships May Change, Suicidal Thoughts, i try to do my research well, it gets a little better, some - Freeform, some medical inaccuracies, this isn’t a nice story, well it’s not nice in the beginning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:34:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 49,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25389127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/c_cherrybomb_b/pseuds/c_cherrybomb_b
Summary: Karasuno wins against Shiratorizawa. The day can’t get any better! That’s why it doesn’t.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke
Comments: 173
Kudos: 325





	1. All good things must come to an end

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I’m really nervous abt posting this bc i feel like it’s gonna suck lmao. But i also didn’t write 4 chapters worth of content to just keep it to myself, so here goes nothing. 
> 
> Quick note: THIS IS A SAD STORY. People are gonna suffer. It’s gonna be sad. It’s gonna get better sure, but just warning you.
> 
> ALSO! THE RELATIONSHIPS! ARE! BACKGROUND! This not a romantic fluffy story. The relationships are not gonna be the main part of the story. Their gonna happen, but that’s not what this is about. Sorry.

“WE DID IT!”

“I know! i know! Shut up!”

The air around the usually quiet bus is buzzing with excitement. Hinata has to pinch himself multiple times to make sure this isn’t just an amazing, incredible dream. So much that Suga had swats his hand away from his arm, scolding him for apparently hurting himself, but he has to.

They had just finished their match with shiratorizawa, a powerhouse full with unbelievably strong volleyball players, who had gone nationals more times then hinata could even remember. And despite all that, karasuno had taken that familiar opportunity from them.

“We’re going to nationals bakageyama!” Hinata punches the air, smiling widely while kageyama only glares at him.

“Moron! Will you shut up?”

“Aren’t you happy?”

“I am! I just don’t scream about it like you!”

“That’s boring! You’re so boring! You only like kicking puppies and taking candy from kids-“

“QUIET DOWN BOTH OF YOU!” Daichi finally snaps at the two first years, who stiffen in fear. Beside him, Suga holds back his laughter, patting daichi on the back.

“Ahh, there just excited first years! Why are you so mean?”

Daichi stares at him for a few good seconds before looking away, blushing. “I’m not. They’re just loud.”

Around them, everyone gets situated in their seats, finally feeling the physical and mental exhaustion of the match. Nishinoya and Tanaka laugh to themselves, Nishinoya turning and looking back to whisper something to Asahi, whose face explodes with heat at whatever he had said. He stutters out a response, but Nishinoya only winks and sits back down before leaning back and closing his eyes.

In front of them sit Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi chats wildly, unaware of Tsukishima sending him a bored stare, and when he finally notices, he laughs and scratches the back of his head in embarrassment, cutting off his mindless chatter with a “Sorry, tsukki.”

Tsukishima only puts his headphones on and leans back, but not before he shifts closer to Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi sends him a surprised look, then grins and scoots closer as well, letting his head loll closer to Tsukishima’s shoulder.

Kiyoko smiles knowingly in the seat closest to them as Yachi blushes furiously next to her.

“T-That’s so...CUTE!” She whispers to kiyoko. Kiyoko giggles and nods in agreement.

“Tsukishima likes to act all tough with everyone, but he has such a soft spot for yamaguchi. Its sickeningly adorable.”

Yachi nods enthusiastically, her eyes wide and still stuck on the two boys.

Then the bus started moving. Ennoshita, kinnoshita, and Natrita talk lowly together, until they crack themselves up so hard they decide to call it quits and resort to sleeping. On the far right corner of the bus, Hinata only continues to vibrate in excitement much to the annoyance of kageyama.

“Will you calm down already?” He hisses.

Hinata pouts and bounces up and down in his seat. “I’m still really excited! Like...” and he makes an exploding motion with his hands, complete with noises and everything.

“Like...like a bomb?” Kageyama looks at him, disturbed

“No! Like i’m so excited i’m gonna explode!”

“You’re so weird.” Kageyama leans back and puts his arms behind his head, sending hinata an unamused look.

Hinata’s face flushes under the golden sunlight seeping in from the window and he shivers, trapped under kageyama’s stare. Kageyama is scary. “Stop looking at me like that stupidyama!”

“Or what?”

“Or i’ll....fight you!” Hinata puts his fists up defensively, his face twisting into something only he could think to be intimidating. Kageyama snickers, thinking the sight was more cute than intimidating, and doesn’t respond, instead closing his eyes and aiming for sleep.

It was 20 minutes in the bus ride and they were driving steadily on top of what seemed to be a cliff now. It was pretty abandoned, and overall pretty peaceful. The sun was setting in the distance now, adding to the tranquil mood, and nearly everyone was dozing off now. All was okay.

Until it wasn’t.

There were making their way towards a downgrade when Takeda, who driving the bus, notices a truck coming their way. Thinking nothing of it, he continues going the same speed and staying put in the middle of the lane. The lone truck suddenly swerves, and Takeda stiffens, anxiety shooting through him.

“The hell is that asshole doing...?” Ukai mumbles next to him. Takeda opens his mouth to reply, only for a squeak to come out instead as the truck does the same thing.

“Alright i’m slowing down.” Takeda says nervously, his foot moving from the accelerator to the breaks instead.

“Yea, just keep your distance, that doesn’t-“

The sentence was cut off and Takeda sees the truck suddenly swerving towards them uncontrollably, and, quickly thinking, he slams his foot on the breaks. Everyone jolts awake and the sudden break sends them forward violently. The truck continues swerving towards them and suddenly, it was too late. It crashes into the side of the bus, and the weight difference sends them tipping though the guardrail, where they were previously turning 90 degrees, and causes them to start ascending down the boulder studded slope they were driving up.

Screams of terror and pain fill the bus as a million things began to happen at once. The bus begins to rollover, sending the kids flying everywhere. Windows break, metal screeches. Yamaguchi, who was once by Tsukishima’s side, is thrown up and down without mercy, and at one point lands on his feet, only to continue moving downwards as a sickening crack joins the screams. Nishinoya curls up into himself tightly as glass and metal attacks his body, and his head slams into a hard surface. His screams go quiet.

Yachi grabs on to whatever she could with all the strength she can manage as she sobs and sobs, her eyes closed tightly. Her grip, however, seems to make things even worse, and as the bus rolls over once again, she slips and falls on her face, and her body arches the other direction.

As the windows break, some unfortunate kids began to get thrown out of the slots, getting scraped by glass and metal surrounding the edges, but finally escaping the hell they were experiencing. Hinata shields his face with his hands as pain explodes within it and he cries out the only name he could think of in that moment. Kageyama. His partners name.  
He cries. He feels so dizzy...

His world view blinks into total darkness.

~~~~~

When Hinata wakes up, the last thing he expects was to feel burning pain throughout his entire body. He’s only conscious for about 2 seconds before he gasps and upon doing so, exclaims in pain. His entire body was on fire. He wheezes, the pain so overwhelming that his breathing becomes shallow. His right eye throbs deeply, as though it had been stabbed, which hinata quickly realizes is the case. Fingers clamp around what seemed to be a relatively small shard of glass, but still worryingly large for something that definitely shouldn’t be in his eye. He tries remembering how the hell had gotten in this situation.

_There was a crash. His whole body is thrown around. and his world suddenly goes black._

He hisses at the feeling of the glass slightly moving due to his trembling fingers, before he quickly assesses the other eye. It was okay. Gingerly, he opens his good eye and turns his head to investigate the damage in his left side.

His left arm looks strange, twisting in a strange direction and Hinata tears his eye away from there before he can make himself sick. He was never good with broken bones. He looks down to his side only to realize blood was trickling down in thick streams. It felt warm and wet. The cloth that was previously covering it was torn to shreds, exposing deep gashes that burned with every slight movement.

“O-ow...”

He wiggles his toes to make sure nothing was wrong in his legs before deciding, fuck it, he needs to get moving right now and find the others. He cautiously rolls to his right side and gasps at the burning sensation of stretching flesh on his left, but he continues, determined, until he was on his feet, unsteady and hunched over.

“Is...Is anyone there?” He says, his voice sounding distant, as though it wasn’t coming from him. He cringes, shifting around as carefully as possible to observe his surroundings. There were rocks. A lot of them. A lot of dust and dirt that made it hard to breath, and a lone boulder, and against that boulder was...

“K-kage-! Kageyama!” He starts limping desperately towards his partner. His friend. Who could be just as injured as he was, or more.

Or dead.

_Please don’t be dead. Please please don’t be dead. Please!_

It hurt. His injuries were overwhelming and there was no way to walk properly, but all Hinata was focused on was getting to Kageyama and making sure he was alive. He bites his lip, forcing one foot in front of the other as he trudged through dry, cracked land.

When he finally gets there, he collapses, ignoring the sharp pain in his knees, and everywhere really, as his eye falls upon Kageyama’s face. He looks so peaceful, with his mouth slightly open and his face slack, and hinata would have deemed it cute if it wasn’t for the blood trickling down from his nose, which looks nothing like its supposed to.

_Okay...uh...broken nose?_

He moves on to observe his shoulder, which was crimson red and displaying what was, unmistakably, a huge knife-like shard of glass.

_Oh shit!_

“O-oh...” Hinata’s hand encircles it dangerously, never actually touching it in fear of hurting the other. That did not look good. That did not look good _at all_. He briefly wondered how much blood loss one could take before something happens, but shakes his head in attempt to clear that though. Nothing bad would happen. He would make sure of it. He moves on, his good eye quickly scans the rest of Kageyama’s body for injury. Blood splatters the front of his shirt, the cause of which being his nose, and one foot is twisted out of place. His bottom lip trembles with emotion. Kageyama was hurt. Badly.

Before he could stop and think about what he was doing, his body moves on its own accord, and he crawls closer to kageyama, turning, and eventually laying his head down on his bloody chest. His arm loosely, but protectively wrap around his middle.

“Kageyama. Please. Please wake up. I hate to admit it but...You’re scaring me.”

And suddenly everything hits him at once, and Hinata can’t stop himself from burying his face in kageyama’s chest and crying. As much as he could with one eye, anyways. It hurts, but not as bad as the thought of kageyama never waking up, or the sight of kageyama being hurt.

He just wants his best friend to be okay.

So he cries, and eventually, wears himself out. As much as he tries to ignore the pain in his eye, it reaches a screaming peak, and hinata is soon cursing out in pain. He quietly cuddles deeper into kageyama’s chest, and closes his eye, choosing to focus on the slow heartbeat that kept Kageyama alive and ignoring the deep coppery smell that sticks onto kageyama’s shirt.

Eventually, after a few minutes, that heartbeat begins to speed up. He opens his eye lazily until he looked up and saw that Kageyama began to stir.

Hinata gasps, and shoves his face closer into his chest, fearful as kageyama groans out in what was obviously pain and discomfort. His own heartbeat pounds against his chest and a million thoughts run through his head.

What if things seemed worse than the looked? What if kageyama woke up and he couldn’t remember anything? What if he started crying, the pain so blinding, and hinata has to witness his never ending torture?

Hinata hesitates, before he shifts upwards to face him, and cups his cheeks in his functional hand.

“Kageyama....Open your eyes! It’s me, Hinata. Please!”

And for the first time since they’ve known each other, Kageyama listens to him, and his eyes slowly open, a quiet moan escaping his lips and hinata, still holding his cheek, swallows as he struggles to control his happy tears.

“Kageyama! Fuck! I was worried...Stupid...You’re so stupid...How could you-No don’t move! You’re hurt!” Hinata pushes a palm on his chest in order to get him to stop squirming, but the damage was already done, and kageyama yelps with sudden pain.

“Shit! Hinata? Why...Why does everything hurt?” He says, still attempting to move even though Hinata was stopping him and that was _such a kageyama thing to do-_

“Dumbass!” His voice cuts through Hinata’s thoughts, and Hinata couldn’t help but notice that he sounded uncharacteristically scared. “What happened to your eye?!”

Hinata frowns. “What do you mean what happened to my eye? Isn’t it obvious? Or do you not remember what happened?”

Kageyama stares at him, the same stare he uses when analyzing the court during a game, then freezes. His glare morphs into a look of genuine panic and it _would_ have been funny in any other circumstance other than this one. “We crashed.”

Hinata nods.

Kageyama looks terrified, shaken with anxiety. For a moment, Hinata thinks he would burst into a fit any second now, but he doesn’t. Instead, he straightens himself as much as he could, and says, “Help me up.”

Huh?! “What?! You’re foot is broken!”

“Idiot! You want me to sit here and cry about it when our friends are missing and maybe even dead?”

Hinata stiffens. He was right. They could be dead. Or hurt.

Or bleeding. Or suffering.

He bites his lip to keep it from trembling. ”Okay. Okay. Give me a second though, it’s a bit hard to stand.”

“Oh.” Kageyama was silent, then spoke, voice gruff. “What happened to you? I mean...what’s wrong?”

Hinata stops squirming around and looks at kageyama, feeling slightly more nervous then he probably should be. “I....my whole body feels sore but my side... it’s all cut up and my right arm feels broken...” His voice begins to waver and he suddenly feels so small. “and my eye is stabbed...”

He could feel Kageyama’s eyes bore into him as he bows his head in attempt to hide his tears. Sitting here, lost and hurt,having no idea where the rest of his team ended up, it scares hinata in a way he couldn’t imagine ever feeling again. The crash was bad, and kageyama was not over stressing when he mentioned the idea of death within the team, but it was so terrifying..He just didn’t understand what happened..What they did to deserve this. He heard high pitched whimpers begin to escape him, and he would have been embarrassed if he hadn’t been so engaged in the thought of any of his friends being dead.

“Hinata...” He feels hand touch his shoulder, and he sniffles a few times before shaking his head slightly.

“It’s fine. sorry.”

“...It’s fine.”

Hinata nods and begins to try and stand once again. It was nearly impossible, especially when the first time he did, he stretched the cuts on his side and caused them to bleed even more, but it meant nothing to him when he thought of the potential danger his friends could be in.

So he begins to move. It’s a slow, agonizing process. Kageyama looks at him, before observing his own injuries. He pokes at the glass at his shoulder and hinata makes an embarrassing, strangled noise.

“What the hell are you doing? Don’t touch it!” He sputters angrily. Kageyama glares at him, but says nothing. He stops poking at it

After five minutes, Hinata is up on his feet once again. He cringes as he feels waterfalls of blood run down his side and pool on the waist band of his shorts, and his eyes close in pain. “A-ah...”

“Hinata? are you okay?”

“What, am i supposed to say yes to that or something? You’re so dumb!”

“Shut up! I didn’t know what else to say! I just needed to make sure it didn’t hurt too much or something.”

“Of course it hurts, my side is-“ And he stops because this is _stupid_ and he doesn’t want to argue with Kageyama in the midst of all this.“...Sorry.”

Kageyama stares at him in surprise. Hinata only smiles back softly and extends his arm for kageyama to grab onto.

Kageyama stares at it suspiciously but says nothing as he shifts toward the arm. He leans in, then freezes.

Hinata’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Kageyama? Are you okay?”

Kageyama visibly swallows, then grabs his outstretched hand with his good arm. “Just...confused.

“Why?” Hinata gently pulls his arm up, taking kageyama with it, who grunts, and stops, frowning.

“My arm...” He mumbled. “My right one. I forgot it was hurt, and i tried to move it, but it didn’t move.”

Hinata stares at him. Kageyama looks deep in thought. Of course. He must be thinking about volleyball. Of course he is. He’s a setter, a setter needs both hands, and he can’t move one. Whether this was permanent or not, Hinata doesn’t want to know.

“Come on...” He puts an arm around kageyama’s waist, hoisting him up. “Let’s worry about that after.” And with that they start limping towards nowhere, where they hope to find their friends, alive and okay.

~~~~~

Suga can’t breathe.

He’s sure he’s going to die.

He knew that he probably looks pathetic. Choking on his own breath, saliva running down his cheek because he _can’t swallow_. He can’t breathe. It hurts to breathe. Everything is so painful. It feels like he has the worse strep throat times 100. Like someone is pushing their fist against his throat and wouldn’t back off. He can’t even cry. He can’t move. Every breathe he tries to take comes out as a wheeze which only causes more white hot pain to run through his entire throat.

Yeah, he must look pathetic.

He wishes he could call out. To call for Daichi, or Asahi, or Kiyoko. To scream for help. But he can’t. He’s alone.

Or maybe he isn’t.

 _Get up. Get the FUCK up._ He screams at himself in his mind. He tries rolling over, but is stopped by a horrible jolt of pain in his left arm. He screws his eyes shut as his feet scrape across the ground at the unbearable pain. Fuck. That _hurts_. It’s probably broken. But of course, nothing hurts as bad as his throat and jaw. He carefully pokes his jaw after he decides that nothing was wrong with his right arm, and cringes. It was broken too, that was for sure. And as for his neck, he must have hit it on a seat while he was being tossed around during the crash, which also means that he could have easily broken his neck if his head, at one point, did not get thrown back as his throat hit the top part of the seat.

Just the thought of that is enough to send suga spiraling into panic once again, and after a silent mini panic attack, he moves on from his upper half. Screwing his eyes shut, he starts testing for injuries and, after a lot of hesitant moving, confirms that nothing is wrong with his legs.

_You can walk! Go looking for the others!_

Slowly, He begins to ascend. He puts his weight on his right elbow, which isn’t injured, and twists around until he’s on his knees. He takes a deep breath and he opens his eyes, which had shut in the midst of concentrating on his movements, and immediately, they lay upon a body, which sprawls across the dry ground.

Short, blonde hair.

It was Yachi.

His heart leaps into his throat as he realizes he isn’t entirely alone, and he begins to limp towards her quickly and, not soon after, slows down.

Something’s wrong.

He closes his eyes for a second to try and control his breathing. Breathing hurt enough as it is. He can’t allow himself to start hyperventilating. That would be absolute torture.

_Calm down...she’s fine..She’s just unconscious._

He begins walking once again, taking timid steps, getting closer until...

A million things happen at once.

He stumbles back in horror.

He gasps.

He squeezes his eyes shut.

He swallows back blood.

He holds back a scream and covers his mouth with his palm.

“Oh _god._ ” He mouths to himself, throat sending shock waves of pain as he held back vomit. He ignores the soreness in his body as he catches himself mid fall. His legs shake. His whole body trembles. He can barely keep himself up.

Tears fall down his face.

Nothing is real. Suga was sure none of this is real.

_Thisisntrealthisisntreal  
Thisisntrealthisisntreal_

There is not a dead body in front of him. This is all a terrible, terrible dream.

“Oh god please!”

Suga prides himself on his ability stay calm during difficult situations. School presentations and volleyball injuries never cause him to panic.

This isn’t any situation.

His friend, their manager, a first year who was just finding herself, is dead.

Her throat is split open so badly Suga can see her trachea, her neck is horribly broken. Her chest is oozing more blood that he thought a human could have, her arms are twisted and bruised.

Suga gags and stumbles back a few feet away from the horror he just witnessed to calm himself. Never in his life has he ever felt so horrified. So sickened. She was only 15. She had her whole life ahead of her, and yet it ended so quickly, with a violent pause.

Suga curses the world a million times over and over again as he struggles to keep his sobs at bay, and his breathing controlled, still very aware of the pain in his throat.

He is sure he will never be the same after seeing that. Never again.

He stands there in indescribable shock. Not daring to look back at Yachi.

Maybe that makes him a coward. But there was nothing he could do for her.

Taking a deep breath, he opens his eyes, which screwed shut upon his panic, and slowly looks around.

Eventually, his eyes meet another body, which sprawls across the ground across him.

_oh my god. okay. fuck. They’re not dead okay?_

Suga isn’t sure if he can believe it.

He starts walking on shaky legs towards the figure, bracing himself for anything as his eyes become blurry with tears. It can be anyone, and they can be dead. What if he’s the only one alive? What if it was another first year? As he arrives, he blinks away the last of his tears, his vision clears and reveals that it’s—

_Nishinoya!_

Holding his breath, Suga quickly scans his body, looking for any life threatening injuries he desperately doesn’t want to find. There are scrapes all over his body, his clothes were torn and bloody, and there is a glass shard stuck upright in his shoe, but nothing absolutely horrible.

Not like yachi.

He sighs out in relief, his anxiety calming a bit before quickly spiking up again as he looks up to inspect nishinoya’s face.

There’s a nasty cut on his scalp which was already bruising, a water color painting of purple, red and blue that covers half his forehead, and his neck seems almost stiff. But as quickly as Suga’s attention shifts over to his injuries, It once again focuses on something else; the quiet whimpers that are escaping nishinoya.

_Oh my godhesalivehesalive._

He carefully takes a kneel and places a hand on his shoulder, trying everything he can to get him to open his eyes, but apparently it’s the wrong thing to do.

Nishinoya’s whimpers suddenly grow louder and he starts squirming as though his own skin was uncomfortable on him. Panicking, Suga forgets all about his own injuries, and whispers quickly, “Noya! It’s Suga!”

Nishinoya’s eyes flutter open, and suga can’t help but notice how dilated his pupils are. He ignored the pain in his throat and instead cups nishinoya’s cheek in his hand, watching as he looks around wildly, noticeably scared. He wouldn’t stop blinking. Suga suddenly feels scared. What should he do? Did he make the wrong choice in waking him up and it only harmed him more?

_No, it’s okay. Just do something, anything!_

“Hi.” He says breathily, trying to minimize the pain of speaking. His hand moves from Nishinoya’s cheek to his messy hair, and he runs his hands through it, carefully feeling for any injuries. Nishinoya stares at him, before he mumbles something incoherent, something suga can’t understand. It almost sounds like he isn’t speaking his own language, but suga knows it has to be because he’s confused. So he tries saying hi again, hoping that Nishinoya can get his thoughts in order if he hears his voice.

That seems to do the trick, and Nishinoya opens his mouth, no sound coming out of it, until finally after a minute, he speaks weakly. “S-s-s...ga...”

It’s quiet, and horrible disjointed, but its perfect, and suga can’t ever imagine hearing anything more reassuring. Hearing it makes him feel a little less alone. He smiles as much as he can with a sore, broken jaw as tears gather in his eyes.

“Me.” He whispers.

Nishinoya hiccups, breathing deeply before asking, voice soft, what happened.

Suga doesn’t respond. Partly because his throat burns and partly because he doesn’t think Nishinoya should know, or that he even _can_ comprehend the intensity of the situation in his mindset right now. Stuck in his thoughts, his fingers halt in Nishinoya’s hair subconsciously.

A bad move.

Nishinoya begins to whine, trying to crane his neck up to feel Suga’s fingers once again, and his breathing picks up as he starts chanting Suga’s name.

“S-s...suga. S-s...ga....Su...ga.. _Suga_ ”

He doesn’t stop, and after a few seconds of being frozen in panic, Suga’s face goes red and he quickly resumes stroking his hair.

Upon feeling Suga’s fingers in his scalp once again, Nishinoya’s voice fades until he is, once again, whimpering quietly.

Crouching next to him, Suga allows himself to focus on himself and his thoughts once again. (This time making sure he doesn’t stop stroking nishinoya’s hair.) Suga thinks about his family. About his mother, and how she used to stroke his face gently when he got sick. He closes his eyes.

He hoped he could see her again. That nothing else bad happened to him and his team. That he managed to survive.

His thoughts were once again interrupted as Nishinoya asks once again, just as panicked, what happened. Suga blinks, and with his loving mother in mind, leans down and kisses Nishinoya’s forehead, just like she did to him. Nishinoya hums, apparently content with the gesture, and closes his eyes for the first time since he woke up.

Then, after a few seconds, they fly open anxiously and his breathing picks up once again. Suga’s eyebrows furrow, and it was then he realizes how hard Nishinoya was shaking.

“S-suga...?”

Suga nods. He wishes he could do more.

“Wh...re...are-are-are we..? Wha ha-hap’n...?”

“You’re okay.” He tries comforting him as much as he could. Nishinoya huffs out a breath, looking nervous.

“Scared.”

Suga’s hand stops in his hair again. That...isn’t like Nishinoya at all.

 _Idiot!_ He thinks to himself angrily, scrunching nishinoya’s hair gently. _Of course he’s not gonna be like himself. He hit his head._

“Here.” He tries saying.

“mmh.” Nishinoya grunts, although it sounded more like a sob.

Suga has never felt more useless in his life as he tries comforting nishinoya silently. His fingers thread through nishinoya’s hair nonstop.  
Even when his hand starts to ache.

He desperately hopes someone, anyone, can come and help them.

~~~~~

“Kageyama.”

“Yes?”

“I thought you wouldn’t wake up.”

Kageyama turns to look at hinata, but hinata doesn’t meet his eyes. Instead, he looks forward, his expression unreadable.

“Idiot. Why would i not wake up?” He responds. a bit more moodily than he probably should have.

Hinata makes a strangled noise, as though he wasn’t expecting that answer. “Isn’t it obvious? You could’ve been dead.”

Kageyama heart seems to stop at those words. Before now, he’d never really considered the idea of that he could have died in a dangerous crash like that. Suddenly, he feels the urge to apologize, and his mouth moves before he can think.

Hinata ignores his apology. “I thought i wouldn’t be able to argue with you again, or hit one of your sets. I can’t even imagine playing volleyball with someone else like i do with you, you know?”

Kageyama stays silent, not knowing what to say at hinata’s sudden confession. He isn’t really good with all the feelings stuff people usually do, and Hinata knows that. So why would he bring it up? Maybe...It was the time for that? Walking—No, Staggering towards where they might find their hurt or dead friends after a bus crash.

 _If this was a movie, this is definitely were they would put all that sappy stuff._ He thinks to himself. He supposes he can’t blame Hinata.

“Me either.” He says after a minute, because he was quiet for too long.

Hinata seems to swallow a bit nervously. “You know.. i also-“

But Kageyama suddenly wasn’t listening, and he holds out his hand to shut hinata up. “Hold that thought.” He listens closely as hinata stiffened next to him.

It sounds like...crying?

“Do you hear that?” He turns to look at hinata, who’s cheeks were slightly rosy. “It sounds like...crying.”

Hinata stops, and after a few second, points to the inside of an incaved part of the creekbend. “It’s coming from there, i think.”

They stare at each other, then slowly start making their way to the source of the crying.

When they get there, they find Suga crouched alongside Nishinoya and..

“No. _No_.” Kageyama moans as his eyes meet yachi’s corpse. Hinata’s eyes follow, and he screams, looking away and gagging at the sight of her twisted and bloody neck.

Kageyama’s heart races a million miles per hour in his chest. His worst fear had come true. One of their friends was dead. And it was a horrible, horrible way to die. His chest tightens in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time, and he forces himself to breathe, tearing his eyes away from yachi to see suga, who looks equally as heartbroken as them, calling them forth.

“Hinata.” He says, his voice weak. _Stay strong._ “Suga’s calling us.”

“S-s-she’s dead. Y-Yachi’s dead..” Hinata sobs in response, his breathing coming out more like gasps. Kageyama takes a deep breath.

“I know...but we really have to go see if Suga is ok. There’s nothing we can do for her.”

“Oh god...” Hinata mumbles against his chest, and begins to walk uneasily to where suga was, tears streaming down his face.

“Suga.” Hinata sniffles, upon seeing him. “I’m so so happy to see you. Yachi...she’s..”

Suga nods, and Kageyama can see that his throat is black and blue. It’s shockingly prominent against his pale skin, but is hidden once again as Suga slumps into himself. Kageyama notices he’s running his fingers through nishinoya’s hair as the other looked the the sky dully. His heart skips a beat.

He was too still.

“Hey...Hey is Nishinoya okay?” He says urgently, suddenly working twice as hard to control his breathing. Suga apparently notices his panic, because he quickly nods. Kageyama nearly wheezes in relief and he swallows, pushing back his anxiety.

“Hinata.” He says quietly. Hinata nods in understanding and lowers then both down until they surround nishinoya.

“Why is he..why does he sounds like that?” Hinata asks, fiddling with his shirt nervously. Suga points to his head, and the situation clicks in kageyama’s mind.

“He has a concussion.” He frowns. “Is it bad?”

Suga nods, then smiles sadly down at nishinoya, as though apologizing before removing his fingers from where they’re tangled in his hair.

Kageyama watches with wide eyes as nishinoya suddenly jerks, blinks, and begins to hyperventilate.

“Nishinoya senpai? what’s wrong?” Hinata yelps next to him, equally as surprised. Nishinoya ignores them, and bizarrely enough, begins to whine suga’s name.

“N-No...Co...Come ba-back...S-su....suuu-suuuga....s’ga...Suga-“

Suga places his hand back into nishinoya’s hair, and he stops mumbling, his panic dying down as suga resumes his past actions. Kageyama stares at nishinoya wide eyed and baffled. Bad is an understatement. Nishinoya was completely out of it. He was so dazed and confused that physical affection was the only thing keeping him grounded.

Kageyama realizes that this situation is going to haunt them for a long, long time.

Nishinoya stops whimpering, and kageyama notices he’s looking around wildly, until his eyes met his, and he realizes that there are two more.

“Ka..gyama?” He sounds confused as he looks over to the other. “Hin‘ta?”

“Hi senpai.” Hinata whispers shakily, and he starts crying.

Nishinoya blinks fast a few times, and his breathing begins to pick up again, and to everyone’s surprise, he begins to cry as well.

_What?_

“Oh...Oh no...Senpai don’t cry...” Hinata begs. Nishinoya pays no mind, sniffling wetly with the corners of his mouth pulled down tightly in a pout.

“Nishinoya-san..It’s okay.” Kageyama offers uselessly. He almost laughs at himself. His mother always told him he’s no good at comforting people, What made him think that that would change right now? He isn’t the one with the concussion.

Miraculously, it seems to do the trick, and Nishinoya looks up to meet his eye. “Kag’yama?”

He nods, then blushes, mentally slapping himself. Nishinoya couldn’t understand that! “Hi Nishinoya-san.”

“Wha...Wha ha-hap-hap’n?”

Across him, Suga’s face falls as though Nishinoya had just said something that was upsetting. Kageyama realizes, that maybe he had.

“Just...an accident. Did...Suga tell you that already?” He questions both Nishinoya and suga. Suga nods, but Nishinoya looks just as confused as before.

“H-huh?”

“It’s okay.” Kageyama says quickly, trying to avoid nishinoya bursting into tears once again. Nishinoya sniffles again.

“M’ s-sc-scared.” He mumbles. More tears drop down his face, and hinata’s eyes widen as he witnessed his upperclassmen in such a vulnerable position.

“There’s no reason to be scared senpai! I promise that all of us will help you the best we can!”

Nishinoya breaths out a tiny laugh, and kageyama thinks for a second he might say something typical of him like. “Hey! I’m supposed to be saying that to you! I’m your senpai after all!”, but instead, he groans out, and suddenly starts gasping, “Si-sick...siiiiick...!”

Suga stiffens, and everything happens too fast for kageyama to process. Nishinoya halts his whining, only for his eyes roll up to his head as he starts jerking unexpectedly, his muscles tensing and relaxing. Hinata cries out in alarm and Kageyama can only watch uselessly, frozen in place.

“He’s having a seizure! H-help! What-what do i..What do we do?!” Hinata’s hands hover above Nishinoya’s small figure, and Kageyama suddenly snaps out of it. What was he doing? He took a health class in middle school, he doesn’t remember much, but anything will help right now.

“Lay him on his side so he doesn’t choke.” He says sternly, and Suga’s hands immediately start pushing at nishinoya to roll him over as hinata continues crying for help.

“HELP! HELP! How...how do we make it stop? He’s...he’s gonna-“ Hinata sobbed. Kageyama feels an wave of annoyance and anger roll through him and he glares at hinata.

“Shut up! He’s not going to ANYTHING! He’ll be fine!” He growls. Hinata shuts up, but he keeps sniffling miserably. Kageyama’s anger fizzes and he suddenly feels guilty. He sighs. “Look..all we can do now is wait it out.”

Hinata nods and opens his mouth to say something, but before he can, he gets interrupted by a distressed noise coming from suga. Kageyama and hinata look at each other before rushing to peer over nishinoyas shoulder.

He’s hiccuping, and kageyama can see bile running out of his mouth, wetting his cheek and the floor next to him. He gives one more lurch before he finally goes still, and the seizing stops.

Suga looks at him before grabbing the end of his torn shirt and ripping of a piece of it. He looks at kageyama and gestures to the side, and kageyama understands immediately. They roll him back on his back and Suga takes the torn cloth, wiping nishinoya’s soiled cheek gently.

“Is it...is it over?” Hinata asks quietly, voice barely there.

Kageyama nods. “Yeah...i think so.”

They watch as Nishinoya regains consciousness, and groans out. He sniffles, and his eyes flutter open before he frowns. “Ew.”

Suga smiles at that, and Hinata giggles quietly. Kageyama feels the tension in the air fade a bit, and he almost smiles himself. This situation is so unreal...but hearing hinata laugh, even if it was just a little bit, gave kageyama a feeling of comfort. He briefly wonders if he’s only ever felt this way because of Hinata, but before he could ponder on it more, a familiar voice interrupts his thoughts.

“Suga?” Theres a sounds of crunching rocks as the voice rushed over to find them.

Kageyama stiffens and looks behind him, eyes threading to try and find the source of the voice until finally, it finds them.

“Tsukishima.” He gasps.


	2. It’ll all be over soon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite what people think, Tsukishima likes volleyball club. Maybe even going as far as to say he likes the people in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! This chapter was sad to write :( but that’s what this fanfic is, so i cant complain about writing it. Anyways, get ready to be sad

Despite what everyone thinks, Tsukishima cares.

He cares about this stupid club. He doesn’t want to make it known, but he’s grown to like it. Maybe even going as far as to say he likes the people in it.

Which is why waking up to a dead teammate actually, much to the surprise of many, upsets him greatly.

He stirs back into consciousness with his legs under something lumpy. Another body.

For a second, considers slapping the back of Akiteru’s head to wake him up. He _knows_ Tsukishima doesn’t like anything or anyone laying on top of him when he’s sleeping. Then he remembers, he’s not at home, Akiteru definitely isn’t sleeping on top of him, and he has just been flung out of a bus window while it rolled down a cliff at an alarming speed.

“For fucks sakes.” He hisses to himself. His head clears, and the aching pain in his body makes itself known. His legs begin to cramp under the pressure of having another body on top of it, and he slowly pushes himself up to see who the hell he had to be angry at.

Whatever annoyed comment he has quickly dies on the tip of his tongue, because Ennoshita is laying horizontally across his calf, and also, because his neck his twisted in disturbing way that shows that there’s no way he can be alive, and his eyes are open and unfocused.

It takes about 3 seconds for tsukishima to process this, and another second to yelp out and crawl back pathetically. His entire body screams _run away!_ but he can’t find it in him to move anymore. He’s frozen with disgust and as much as he hates it, fear.

“Okay.” He says out loud. He hates how his voice cracks at the end. “Okay so-“

He stops trying to ground himself by talking to himself, because one more word and he _will_ throw up right there, all over his shirt.

His breathing racks his whole body as he stares at the ground wide eyed, refusing to look back at ennoshita’s body. His dead body. The information sinks in. Well, more like hits him full force. There is a dead body right in front of him. One of his teammates are dead. One of his teammates are dead.

He forces himself to look away, and immediately locks eyes with a pair of brown ones. It’s tanaka.

“Tanaka.” He gasps, surprised. “When did you...What-“

“Just now. I was over there.” He points to a nearby patch of land, then looks at Tsukishima again, his expression oddly dark. “Are you okay?”

“Is that a trick question?” Tsukishima tried to copy his usual bored drawl, It came out sounding weaker than he wanted it to.

 _Pathetic._ He thinks to himself, but doesn’t dwell on it any longer, because tanaka’s eyes look like their gonna bug out of his head, and he’s looking across tsukishima’s shoulders.

“Tsukishima.” He says, not taking his eyes off where he was looking. “Is that...Ennoshita?”

Tsukishima frowns, then remembers he was behind a dead body, and pales. How is he supposed to go from here? How does he tell tanaka that one of his best friends is dead?

“Oh. Oh..Um. Yea.”

_Real smooth._

“Is he...”

“Yes. “ Tsukishima blurts out clumsily, thanking every god out there he doesn’t actually have to say it out loud. Tanaka look at him, then sighs in what was apparently relief.

“Oh thank god.” He wheezes. Tsukishima stares at him in shock.

“What do you _mean_ thank god?!”

“What do you _mean _i mean thank god?!”__

__“He’s dead Tanaka! That’s what i mean!”_ _

__Tanaka’s eyes go wide again. “What?” He said softly. He looks incredibly confused, and that’s when tsukishima’s realizes there’s been a huge misunderstanding._ _

__“You thought i meant he was okay.” Tsukishima stares at him. Oh my god. He feels bad. He actually feels bad. This wasn’t the time for misunderstandings, and now he accidentally gave Tanaka false hope._ _

__“You’re...You’re joking.” Tanaka looks sad. Incredibly, utterly devastated, and it looks  
 _wrong _on his face, because Tanaka’s never sad. He’s always excited, determined, laughing...Hell, Tsukishima would even take that weird intimidation state Tanaka tries to do when they meet other volleyball players than this saddened look he has on his face. It only makes the situation 100 times more real.___ _

____“I’m...I’m not.” He says. He looks away. He can’t look at tanaka in his eyes, he just _can’t_.He can’t see the heartbreak, can’t see the tears. He can’t see the most optimistic person on the team break down._ _ _ _

____There’s a sniffling sound, and heavy breathing. “Damnit...” He hears Tanaka whimper. Tsukishima grits his teeth and shakes his head. Then, he hears Tanaka kick at the ground. “DAMNIT...” He growls. He sounds so _angry _that Tsukishima looks up at him in shock.___ _ _ _

______He’s crying, and his bottom lip is in between his teeth, hard enough that it’s beginning to draw blood and he looks furious. Tsukishima had never seen him look so angry. Never before. But this isn’t the type of angry that can harm someone. This is anger at the world. Anger at the fact that one of his friends died. Anger that one of his friends died _so young._ _ _ _ _ _ _

______Seeing Tanaka like that...saddens him. It makes him think of Yamaguchi. His own best friend._ _ _ _ _ _

______Yamaguchi. Who was also on the bus with him._ _ _ _ _ _

______All at once, he springs up from where he was sitting, making Tanaka jump._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Fuck! W-What-“_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I need to find Yamaguchi. I need to find him _Now._ ” He says. He’s aware he’s not looking his most sane right now, but honestly, he couldn’t care less. He needed to find Yamaguchi. How did he just _forget?_ His best friend was on that bus with him. His best friend was probably hurt, and-_ _ _ _ _ _

______“HELP! HELP! He’s having a seizure! HELP! How do we make it stop?!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______The cry snaps him out of his rambling thoughts, and he jumps, his heart pounding in his ears. He recognized that scream. It was Hinata, but he has company._ _ _ _ _ _

______Tanaka looks just as shaken. They look at each other, unsure, but Tanka’s face suddenly twists into determination._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Go.” Tanaka says. “Go. The bus is behind us, but If the rest were thrown off the bus like us there’s a chance that Yamaguchi could be over there. I’ll check on the bus just in case and see if there’s a phone.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Tsukishima could get on his knees and give him the lowest bow he has ever given in his entire life. “Thank you.” He whispers. Tanaka looks at him in mild surprise (Was him saying thank you really that rare?) cheeks tear streaked and lips pulled down to a frown, and nods._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Of course.” Is all he says before he turns and walks the other way. Tsukishima takes a deep breath and begins to walk in the opposite direction with a slight limp to his step._ _ _ _ _ _

______To be honest, he has no idea where he’s going. The voice sounded close, but for all he knows it could be distant. And all these rocks weren’t making it easy to stand straight up. He makes sure to walk straight ahead of him._ _ _ _ _ _

______Eventually, he hears another shout. A strangled, breathless noise that points him in the right direction._ _ _ _ _ _

_Keep talking...Where are you guys?_

______Then he hears it. “Is it...is it done?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I think so.” says another voice. Kageyama._ _ _ _ _ _

______Tsukishima can just make out something in the distance now. It’s a tuft of silver hair. His heart races in his chest._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Suga?” He calls out. His leg hurts. It tingles and causes him to limp. But that doesn’t stop him from walking faster, the rocks crunching underneath him and he hurries to where Suga is, hoping and looking so desperately to try and find Yamaguchi’s dark green hair._ _ _ _ _ _

______When he arrives, there’s no Yamaguchi, and Tsukishima has to physically hold back whimper. He’s hasn’t felt so close to crying in a long time. He just wants to see Yamaguchi. He curses the world for forcing him to feel so small,and putting his friend in potential danger. For a second, he almost kicks the floor like Tanaka did, but instead, he tries to clear his head, and manages to fix his face before Kageyama and Hinata turn, looking a bit shocked at the sight of him._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Tsukishima.” Kageyama gasps._ _ _ _ _ _

______Looking at him, Tsukishima notices his injuries are far more grave than his. He looks horrible honestly, and so does everyone else, and Tsukishima doesn’t have it in him to be as mean as usual. He can’t, really. He’s feels exhausted._ _ _ _ _ _

______Instead of rolling his eyes like he would have done, he swallows. “Um...You guys look horrible.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“We know.” Hinata says in annoyance. “So do you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“So does he.” Tsukishima’s points to Nishinoya. “Is he...Was he the one having a seizure?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______It’s the only logical conclusion. Nishinoya’s forehead is bruised and he seems to be completely out of it._ _ _ _ _ _

______Suga nods._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Its...over now?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Suga nods again. Tsukishima feels something akin to relief._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Okay...Good.” He says, then notices a figure in the background. It looked like Yachi. He opens his mouth to comment on her, the freezes when he notices the amount of blood pooled on her chest and beside her. “Is...Is Yachi...”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Um!” Hinata says, panicked. He sounds like he’s going to breakdown in about two seconds. “Um!”. Tsukishima sees Suga shake his hand over his throat, eyes wide, as if to say______ _don’t!_

______Kageyama, however, is the only one that looks him in the eyes and tells it to his face. “Yea she’s...” His voice cracks, and he clears his throat. “She’s dead.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Tsukishima knew the minute he saw her, but somehow, the news still strikes something into his chest. He feels as though he was walking down the stairs, and he missed a step. Another one of his teammates were dead, and even if she didn’t actually play volleyball with them, she was still important to them. Extremely important. He presses his lips together and looks away, trying hard to conceal the sadness that threatens to show up on his face._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh...Ok. Ok...She’s...” Is all he can stammer. He picks at his fingers, because he has no idea what to do with them or with anything right now. He doesn’t know what to say. He _really_ doesn’t know what to say. What do you say after someone tells you someone died?_ _ _ _ _ _

______Thankfully, the horrible, uncertain silence was broken by Hinata. “H-hey...Tsukishima...where did you come from?” He sniffles._ _ _ _ _ _

______Tsukishima’s swallows his emotion and looks at them again. “I came from over there.” He points from the path he came from. “I was near the bus.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Suga perks up at that. He looks like he wants to say something. Tsukishima guesses maybe he wants to know if he woke up next to anyone else, so he says, “Tanaka and Ennoshita were near me. Tanakas okay. He went to go try and find a phone on the bus, and told me to come over here to see who was in trouble. He thought that if they were thrown off the bus like us, that maybe we could find them near here.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Oh..okay. I don’t think there’s anyone else around here. Me and Kageyama were probably the furthest away.” Hinata said, then he frowned. “How’s Ennoshita?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______This was it. Does he just blurt it out? Would that be insensitive? I mean, how else is he supposed to say it? There’s not a pleasant way to tell someone their friend died._ _ _ _ _ _

______“He didn’t make it.” He ends up saying, trying to be gentle about it. It doesn't soften the blow. Everyone’s faces immediately fall. Hinata starts crying softly, covering his hurt eye with his hand like that would help ward the tears of from that eye. Suga’s looks the most heartbroken. Fat tears drip down his cheeks and his breathing goes uneven, but he says nothing, and Kageyama just looked at him with wide eyes._ _ _ _ _ _

______Tsukishima shifts uncomfortably. Now what?_ _ _ _ _ _

______He doesn’t have time to think of a plan, because Nishinoya suddenly starts to whine from where he laid silent on the floor._ _ _ _ _ _

______“W-why you cry-crying...?” He mumbles, distressed. Suga shushes him, but it seems like Nishinoya takes it the wrong way, and it only serves to upset him more. “Sh-shup...shaddup..” He pouts, and tears well up in his eyes.“Y-you’re me-mean..”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Tsukishima raises his eyebrows. He must have hit his head really badly. He needs help. They all need help. “Um...We should probably walk to the bus. If tanaka found a phone and called for help, we should stay close to it. Plus, if what you said about being the only ones here is true, that means everyone else is near the bus...”_ _ _ _ _ _

_____Maybe. Probably._ _ _ _ _

______“Okay. Okay...” Hinata whispers. He still looks stunned, and his gaze is unfocused, but he gets up slowly._ _ _ _ _ _

______As everyone gets situated, Tsukishima feels a tap on his shoulder. It’s Suga, And he’s pointing over to nishinoya, whose nodding off on the ground. Suga looks at him with pleading eyes._ _ _ _ _ _

______Tsukishima gets the message, and he bends down to pick up Nishinoya bridal style._ _ _ _ _ _

______Nishinoya makes a small noise of displeasure and begins to complain.“le-le me g-goooo..”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Tsukishima clicks his tongue. He really doesn’t want Nishinoya crying again.  
“Quiet.” He says, then remembers how Nishinoya took being told to hush, and sighs. “Uh..Sorry. I’m not trying to be mean.” _ _ _ _ _ _

______“P-puu mm-me down..”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“We have to go somewhere. I’ll put you down later.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Y-You asshole...”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yeah yeah I know. I’m the worst.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Nishinoya looks like he wants to complain more, but nothing comes out. Tsukishima can’t help but feel a bit relieved._ _ _ _ _ _

______That feeling of relief quickly disappears when he hears sobbing. It’s not loud, but it’s coming from the direction the bus._ _ _ _ _ _

______He looks at Hinata and Kageyama, who pale._ _ _ _ _ _

______He swallows. “Come on. Let’s hurry.”______

______  
~~~~~_ _ _ _ _ _

______  
“It’s okay. It’s okay. It’ll all be over soon.” Kiyoko soothes. She brushes Yamaguchi’s hair away from his sweaty forehead as best she can with a broken wrist as he sobs, head in her lap. His legs lay unmoving on the floor, and Kiyoko doesn't think she could stomach observing them again._ _ _ _ _ _

______When she first came into consciousness again, it hadn’t been long since she got thrown out off the bus. Maybe a few minutes. She was dizzy. Extremely dizzy. Her head pounded, and her neck was nearly impossible to move. Both her wrists burned at her side. She bought them both to her face and saw one was cut extremely bad, the other looked a bit swollen. She flexed her fingers on the cut hand. It hurt, but compared to the rest of her body, it was bearable. Taking a deep breath, she fought her way up, only to find Yamaguchi laying on the floor unconscious in front of her._ _ _ _ _ _

______He was an absolute mess. An arm was twisted at a strange angle, making Kiyoko cringe. A large gash starting from the arch of his left eyebrow and ending under his right eye spilled blood upon blood, wetting his entire face and making it look like realistic halloween makeup. His face, however wasn’t the worst of it all. It was his legs. He had broken them, but they weren’t just twisted. Instead, the area around his knees were bleeding profusely, and to kiyoko’s horror, she saw white, jagged bone sticking out just above his calves._ _ _ _ _ _

______The sight was enough to make her gasp and look away._ _ _ _ _ _

_Oh my god! Oh thank god he’s unconscious _ _ _ _ _ _..._______

______For someone that was supposed to manage the volleyball club, she was unsure of how to manage this situation._ _ _ _ _ _

______First aid...First aid...What did she learn about first aid? What should you do about broken legs with bones stick out of them...and blood seeping from it....and-_ _ _ _ _ _

______Kiyoko shook her head to clear away those unnecessary thoughts. She needed to _focus._ _ _ _ _ _ _

______Stop the bleeding...splint it...How can she splint it? She can’t. Immobilize it._ _ _ _ _ _

______Because his arm wasn’t bleeding and she couldn’t splint it, she decided to just focus on his legs. She took off her jacket and began to tear off cloth with her good hand to wrap it around his knees. Mentally preparing herself, she kneeled down (Her side hurt horribly. She could add that to her list of injuries.) next to yamaguchi’s legs and began to wrap them gently, praying and hoping and _praying_ he didn’t wake up._ _ _ _ _ _

______But of course, the world despised them today, and Yamaguchi began to stir._ _ _ _ _ _

______Kiyoko panicked, and rushed to finish wrapping his right knee. She clumsily tied the end before crawling over to where yamaguchi was now waking up. Sitting with her legs to the side and her thighs slanted, she gently raised Yamaguchi’s head as best she could and placed it onto her lap._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yamaguchi.” She said softly. “It’s Kiyoko.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Yamaguchi whined softly, before his eyes flew open and his expression scrunched up._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Ow... _Ow... _Ow ow ow...M-My legs and my arm...m-my face...Ow!” He gasped___ _ _ _ _ _

________Great. He was conscious enough now to feel the pain in his body. That wasn’t good._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Kiyoko shushed him gently.  
“Try not to move your legs or your arm, okay?” She tries soothing him the best she could, but Yamaguchi began to pale with the amount of pain he was in._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Oh_______ fuck _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _!_ Oh my god!” He wailed, and tears began to drip down his cheeks.________

________And that’s how they got here now, with Yamaguchi sobbing on her lap as she whispers words of comfort into his ear._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“It’ll be okay.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What...Did we...Did we crash?” He manages to say in between sobs. Kiyoko feels tears well up in her own eyes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Yes.” She says, her voice wavering._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Yamaguchi moans, and Kiyoko notices his eyes are fluttering, like he’s close to passing out. A small part of kiyoko wishes he _would_ , just so he could stop feeling all this pain that this situation caused him. Suddenly, Kiyoko feels the urge to cry, but holds it back to the best of her abilities. She has to stay strong. For Yamaguchi. For herself._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________About one minute passes. Yamaguchi’s still sobbing steadily, and Kiyoko feels her legs start to fall asleep. She ignores it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Eventually, she hears someone calling out._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Hello? Hello!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She straightens up, lighting fast adrenaline filling her body. “H-hello?!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________A pause. “Kiyoko?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Kiyoko lets out a sob of relief. “Yes! Yes it’s me! I’m here with Yamaguchi!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Kiyoko hears rapid footsteps. She’s aware of her breathing going wild, but she’s just so_______ relived _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _that for a second she almost gets up and runs to the voices, before remembering Yamaguchi’s still crying on her lap. She smooths his hair once again, and waits._________

_________Eventually, the voices arrive, and Kiyoko actually starts crying, her emotions overpowering her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____“Hi...Hi..” Her bottom lip is trembling as she looks up at suga from where she sat, who looks just as relieved. She can’t say anything else._ _ _ _ _

  
~~~~~

  
Yamaguchi has never been in so much pain in his entire life.

_________Blood rushed to his legs, making his bones feel like they were on fire, like if he touches them, he will surely get burned. It pulsed. It was an agonizing, dull throbbing that _wouldn’t_ stop. It hurt so bad. So, so bad. And his right arm is the exact same, so with all of them combined, it reduced him to a crying mess._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________At this point he’s completely out of it. He doesn’t know if he’s gonna pass out, black dots dance around in his vision, but never fully envelope it. Kiyoko keeps whispering softly into his ear, but he’s not paying attention. Not until he hears someone suddenly call his name. Someone familiar. Tsukki._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________His eyes roll back a bit, he’s dangerously close to passing out as he tries lift up his body to see him. He feels kiyoko help him a bit, and he’s grateful, but the bone in his arm swings back in forth a bit as his arm just stayed there and it’s _horrible_. It’s so fucking horrible. It’s the worst feeling in the entire world and it’s horrible._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________He forces his eyes open, and is able to see familiar blond hair. In his weird, pain induced daze, he almost forgets they were in a crash, but soon remembers when he sees the dried blood and cuts on tsukishima’s face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Tsukki!” He tries chirping familiarly. It comes out nothing like he wants it to. His voice is strained, and he’s slurring. His eyes try to flutter closed, but he shakes himself back into consciousness. He wants to stay awake, for Tsukki. “Tsukki, you’re okay!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Tsukishima doesn’t look okay. He looks terrified. It’s so unlike him. Why is he scared? Is he scared because Yamaguchi is hurt? His legs hurt a lot, but how bad is it?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________He tries to take a look._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Yamaguchi! Don’t look!” Kiyoko scolds him. He whimpers. He doesn’t want to be yelled at._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Tadashi...Fuck...Yamaguchi..” Tsukishima’s finally speaks again. It’s enough to make Yamaguchi look up again. Tsukishima’s expression is still terrified, and that’s not good. Tsukishima is the calmest person he knows. To see him scared is scary._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Sorry tsukki.” Yamaguchi whimpers, because he feels like he needs to apologize._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Everything after that is a blur. He hears another familiar voice blend into the rest of the people talking, and when he slowly comes back to the real world, his head is in someone else’s lap._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Tsukki?” He mumbles. Looking straight ahead, he sees Tanaka, And Nishinoya on the ground slightly away from the rest of them with a shirt under his head. He’s crying though. Everyone else is too. He cranes his head upwards. Tsukki is looking at him with a grim expression._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Tsukki why is everyone crying?” He whispers._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Tsukishima frowns. “...Don’t worry about it. Not right now. ”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Yamaguchi trusts Tsukki, so he nods. Then, he cringes. The pain in his body is back, and somehow, it’s worse then ever. “A-ah...” His body _really_ hurts. The pins and needles he felt at first are slowly turning into that fiery feeling, and he can’t help it, he cries. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“It hurts...Make it stop...Please.” He begs to Tsukki. Even the way his face is scrunched up hurts him. It’s too much._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Tsukishima’s frown deepens, and he looks away. All Yamaguchi could see was his chin now. “I think...The ambulance is going to be here soon. Just hang in there. It’s only a few more minutes.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“No. _Now_. Please. Please Tsukki. It hurts so bad.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“I can’t do anything, okay?” Tsukishima finally snaps and looks at him. He doesn’t look mad. Just...Tired. “I can’t do anything. I would if i could. But you just have to wait. You can take it. I know you can.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________“I can take it.” Yamaguchi echoes, gasping. He can’t. He can’t take it. Tsukki is________ wrong _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. He feels nauseous and dizzy. He hates this. He wish he could just float out of his body, like as a ghost, and return when all of this was over. The pain was excruciating._________

_________He can’t take it. He hears Tsukki calling his name, but he just can’t stay awake. His world spins, and He passes out again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WASN’T THAT JUST HEARTBREAKING? Poor yamaguchi! He’s really one of my favorite characters so it hurt me to write that. It also hurt me to do research on it. Rip my search history. “What does it feel like to have an open fracture?” I’m really not good with broken bones either. Looking at pictures was hell.
> 
> anyways, please please PLEASE comment ! i love comments. They make my day and motivate me so much! Thanks for reading!
> 
> EDIT: Okay so i changed a few things because some things didn’t make sense now that i read through it. I may have forgotten halfway that kiyoko wrists were hurt, so i changed that best i could. IM SORRY i know i can’t just throw logic out of the window like that ugh. Also someone pointed out people with head injuries shouldn’t be moved, but i couldn’t have nishinoya be away from the bus because that’s where the drama will be. I’m sure tsukki was very careful with him guys i promise  
> :( However, i won’t be moving him again.


	3. Nothing is okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No!” Kageyama shouts. He feels like a child again. Like when he was 7 and throwing a tantrum because the ball kept falling on his face when he tried to set it. “No. I’m not okay! Nothing is okay!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> So this chapter...didn’t go the way I wanted it to. I dunno what happened, but it wasn’t my best work.
> 
> However, this is probably the saddest chapter I’ve written as well. So prepare yourself.
> 
> Don’t hate me!!

Kiyoko remembers the first time she met Yachi Hitoka.

She was a tiny girl, and an absolute nervous wreck. And she was _perfect_. Kiyoko knew immediately that she had to be the next manager. 

Kiyoko knew Yachi loved the team. She did everything for them. Her posters were amazing, she helped them raise money. She helped them practice. It was more Kiyoko could ever ask for. It was more than the team could ever ask for. Ever. 

Kiyoko cared for her so much. 

And now she was dead.

She looks up at Kageyama, who had delivered the news to her. She’s aware she’s crying. 

They also tell her about Ennoshita. About how Tsukishima had woken up next to him and found him dead. She thinks about how strict he was with Nishinoya and Tanaka, and how supportive he was as well. He would have made a good captain.

Hinata is blubbering out apologies. Kiyoko says it’s okay. It’s not his fault.

She thinks about Yachi’s smile. 

The world is cruel.

It should have been her.

~~~~~

.Tanaka is scared

He’s running and he isn’t sure where he’s going because all his thoughts are jumbled up and but all he knows is that he needs to find a phone or _something_ because everyone is in trouble and they need help _right now._ His chest hurts and his mouth is dry from how hard he’s breathing as he runs. Panicking and running isn’t a good combination, but he couldn't care less. His friend is dead, and he has no idea about the rest of his friends. They could be dead too, for all he knew.

He suddenly stops, and he bends down, hands on his knees as he pants. Fuck. He just needs a second. He needs to get his shit together because if he wants to help this situation he needs a level head.

He’s outside the bus, near middle of it. He needs to find a bag. That way they can have a bag full of useful stuff, including a phone. Okay. Alright.

He stands there catching his breath for a few more seconds until the way his head is bowed puts an immense amount of pressure on his already-pounding headache, so he raises his head as to not put more pressure on it. 

Almost immediately, his eyes find a duffel bag, Tanaka recognizes it as Nishinoya’s, but that didn’t matter because _he found a bag. He actually found a bag._

And because Tanaka is the luckiest man in the world right now, his eyes meet something else. The back of someones head. The familiar pale, spiky hair indicates that it’s none other than Kinoshita Hisashi.

He blinks.

Then, for the first time since he came into consciousness, hope blooms inside of him. He smiles a little too wide, and he’s aware he probably looks slightly manic right now but that doesn’t matter.

”Kinoshita!” He jogs over to grab the duffel bag. “Kinnoshita. Holy shit man. I’m so glad to see you. You...you have _no_ idea..”

He sits and opens the duffel bag, rummaging through the contents. There’s an extra shirt, a ton of food, a charger, and a phone.

_YES! YES!_

Tanaka lets out a shout of victory, tears welling up in his eyes. They were saved. They were saved.

”Kinoshita! Are you okay? I have a phone! So if-” He looks up, and freezes. 

Kinoshita isn’t even looking at him. His back is still turned to him and he’s as still as a statue. 

Something is very. Very wrong.

Cautiosly, he gets closer to kinoshita, the phone clutched tightly in his hand. “...Kinoshita?”

He doesn’t look too injured. At least, his back doesn’t. There’s blood on the back of his neck, and Tanaka can see his right arm is hanging limply on the side, but other than that, nothing looks life threatening. Tanaka swallows, and calls his name again.

This time, Kinoshita slowly turns to look at him.

He’s pale. He’s so, so pale that he looks about 2 seconds away from dying. His eyes are wide, and his lips are parted slightly, as though he’s in shock. He looks horrified. Then, without warning, he inhales sharply, and breaks down.

Tanaka stares at him in shock as he sobs. The atmospheres so tense he nearly chokes on it. Something is so so _so wrong._ The joy and hope he previously had shrivels.

“Hey! Hey, what’s wrong?! Kinoshita breathe! You have to to tell me-“

Kinoshita never answers, but in the end, he doesn’t have to, because Tanaka finally finds the source of Kinoshita’s panic.

Tanaka springs up to his feet. 

“Oh-oh shit! _Oh shit!_ Fuck!” He cries out. He walks backwards, and ends up tripping, sending him falling back down to the floor.

There, in front of Kinoshita, was Daichi. One of his arms was stuck underneath the bus, and there was so much _blood_ coming from it. His torso is facing upwards as well, and there’s a pool of blood around him. Tanaka could see very clearly what was causing it. 

He’s _impaled._ There is literally glass in his stomach and he’s dead. He’s actually dead and Tanaka doesn’t know what to do he’s _so fucking scared_.

Kinoshita’s hyperventilating by now, but honestly so is Tanaka. He tried to call out for Kinoshita, but nothing but pathetic whimpers fall out of his mouth.

_GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! CALL SOMEONE!_

“Oh my god...oh my god okay.” He looks around for the phone wildly before remembering it was in his clammy hand. His hands are shaking so much he drops it a few times before he eventually manages to hold it in his hand, and dial 119.

The phone rings and he shakes the phone like that going to help it connect faster but he’s really not in the best mindset right now so it gives him a free pass to act a little nervous. He feels like he’s going to puke from how much anxiety he has. It’s like he’s on a rollercoaster that only goes straight down, but roller coasters are fun and this this _is not fun and-_

The phone connects.

”119, what’s your emergency?”

Tanaka jumps 10 feet in the air. _Holy shit. “_ Hello! Fuck...Please..My bus it got-We crashed and we fell down a cliff i think and my team- my friends are hurt one of my friends are dead-Holy shit-My captain is- he’s _bleeding out_ he’s dead too- oh my god..”

“Alright sir, try to calm down.” A gentle woman’s voice says calmly. Tanaka can’t. She’s literally asking for the impossible, but he doesn’t have time to say anything, because she speaks up again. “I promise we’ll help your friends. Do you know where you are?”

”No! We fell- We fell off a cliff somewhere i think but- but i don’t know where.” Tanaka struggles to speak. He’s lost. He’s so lost. Was he even talking correctly? Was he explaining everything right? He tries explaining everything again, just to make sure, but the lady interrupts him. 

“It’s _okay,_ i understand. Are you able to stay on the call a bit so we can track your location?”

“Yes-Yes i can. Please please hurry i don’t-I don't know who else died or about anyone else just..please.” Tanaka says weakly. 

“We will be there soon, okay? Just stay calm. Do you know how many people were involved in the crash?” The lady questions him in that soothing voice. Tanaka takes a deep breath.

”Yes. 16 people. I only know about 5 of them.” 

The lady keeps questioning him. Things like, “Are you injured in any way?” “is anyone else around you?”. Tanaka answers them best he can. He also manages drag Kinoshita away from Daichi. He looks close to throwing up, passing out, dying, or everything in that order, and he’s still hyperventilating. The lady tries to instruct his breathing, but he’s too lost in his own panic to pay attention. 

In the midst of the call, when Tanaka calms down enough to become aware of his surroundings again, he starts hearing something. He has to do a double take, because it sounds like crying and it’s coming from the other side of the bus. Crying isn’t a good sign, right? He wants to call out, say something and find out who it is and whose hurt and what happened, but he’s stuck here for now.

After a minute or so, the lady tells him they’ve tracked his location, and that help will be there shortly. Tanaka thanks her tearfully, and hangs up. He puts the phone in the ground and sits there for a minute, thinking.

Just thinking.

He thinks about how hard the team has worked. How their hard work had payed off.

He had been so happy. His team, his second family were going to nationals, and there was no one else he would rather go with than them. 

It seems a bit funny, how the world can take that away so quickly. How everything can go horribly when people least expect it. 

His captain was dead. His teammate was dead. No, to _hell_ with volleyball right now. His friends were dead. And he didn’t know about the rest.

He sits up. There’s still someone crying in the distance.

He needs to find them.

He taps on Kinoshita’s shoulder. ”Kinoshita. We need to go with the rest.” 

Kinoshita doesn’t respond. He stopped his heavy breathing, but now, he’s unresponsive. It starts to scare Tanaka a bit. 

“C’mon. Please.” Tanaka begs. He honestly just wants to leave this place and go find the others. He wants to make sure they're okay. “Please. I’ll help you up.”

Tanaka leaves no room for argument, not that Kinoshita was going to argue anyways, he was frozen. He helps Kinoshita up onto his feet, and wraps his other, not hurt arm around his shoulders.

Thankfully, it wasn’t a long walk, because Kinoshita really wasn’t up for it, and Tanaka basically has to drag him. He almost gives up halfway, and resorts to carrying him, but by then he can see figures in the distance. His heart leans

”HEY!” He shouts, trying to get their attention. It works. One of the figures turns around at the sound of the call and Tanaka can see that it’s Kiyoko.

Kiyoko. Kiyoko Kiyoko. His mind chants the name over and over again. Kiyoko is okay and alive, and she’s jogging over to them. He starts walking faster, heart beating wilding as he silently encourages Kinoshita to do the same. He doesn’t, and it slows them down, but that’s okay because Kiyoko is meets them halfway, and then she’s hugging him. 

It’s not a tight hug. She must be injured, but her touch is somehow enough and Tanaka almost cries. He almost cries right there in front of Kiyoko.

He doesn’t actually end up crying, but he comes damn near close to it as Kiyoko pulls away and hugs Kinoshita as well.  
  
“You’re okay.” Her voice is highly pitched. It wavers, and she sniffles wetly. “You guys are okay. I’m so happy to see you guys okay.”   
  
She presses her cheek against Kinoshita’s chest, and then pulls away to get a good look at him. Almost immediately, her smile falls. “Kinoshita? What’s wrong?”

Kinoshita only looks at her, that same sad, panicked expression he’s had since he crashed from his panic attack. His face is splotchy and his cheeks are wet, and he says nothing. Kiyoko turns to look at Tanaka worriedly for an explanation.

”Kiyoko...How about we go over to where the rest of the team is, and I’ll tell you there?” Tanaka croaks, unsure of how to execute this situation.

Kiyoko seems to have already put 2 and 2 together, and her bottom lip trembles. Tanaka wishes he could stay silent. He wishes this never happened. He wishes he doesn't have to tell his team that their captain and friend died.

They walk over to where everyone else was gathered. As the rest of his team calls his name, he wonders how the hell he’s going to find the strength to do this.

~~~~~

Suga sits next to Nishinoya. He doesn’t take his eyes off him.

Nishinoya’s calm now. His eyes are closed. He looks like he’s about to fall asleep, which makes Suga have to keep waking him up now and again, but he isn’t crying anymore, and Kiyoko gave him her torn up jacket to use as a pillow for his head. To Nishinoya, this was probably the best. Suga stroking his hair, something soft under his head. Suga breaths out a slight laugh. Nishinoya was always happy with whatever he got.

He looks up. He can see Kiyoko and Tanaka walking towards them. He closes his eyes.

He really hope Tanaka comes with good news. 

When he gets there. Suga notices that he’s probably the least hurt other than Tsukishima. 

_Good. That’s good._

He honestly couldn’t bear seeing someone else hurt so drastically again, like Kageyama or Nishinoya. Seeing them hurt Suga in a way he’d never felt before. Then again, this wasn’t exactly a situation he gets in very often, and—

“Hey...guys. I’m really glad to see you guys are okay.” 

Suga looks up and sees Tanaka looking mildly uncomfortable. He frowns. 

“Us too Tanaka-senpai! We’re so happy to see you're okay!” Hinata says from where he and Kageyama where cuddled against the side of bus. Kageyama nods next to him. 

Suga can’t say anything, so he also nods. Tanaka smiles at him, but it looks a bit forced, and it makes Suga wonder if something was wrong. Or if he saw something he didn’t want to see. Oh. He _really_ hopes Tanaka doesn’t come with bad news. 

“I called the ambulance.” He starts. Suga holds his breath. It looks like he wants to say more. Tanaka shifts, and presses his lips together as he looks down.

”I called the ambulance but.. When I found the phone I...i also found Kinoshita. Kinoshita was..he was next to Daichi—“

_No._

”Daichi was dead.”

**_NO._ **

Grief unlike anything he had ever felt in his entire life filled him from head to toe, paralyzing him, rooting him to his place. His breathing stops.

Time stops. Everything stops.

For a second, everything is silent. 

Everything just pauses. Simply pauses. 

Daichi is dead.

Daichi is dead.

He inhales sharply after what seems like minutes, then, he screams.

~~~~~

Kageyama stares at Tanaka.

He’s vaguely aware of everyone else grieving in their own way. He hears Suga let out a scratchy wail. He feels Hinata shove his face into his filthy shirt and cry harder than he has today.

Kageyama doesn’t cry.   
  
He feels empty.

His captain is dead and he can’t even cry. He’s just so sick of this. So, so sick of this. He wants this to be over **right now.** He’s done. It’s enough. 

And yet, Kageyama know this isn’t over.

”Tanaka.” He says. His voice cracks embarrassingly. He doesn’t care. “What about everyone else? Like Asahi..And coach...And Narita and Takeda?”

Tanaka looks down at the ground. He looks angry at himself. “I don’t know. I don’t know okay?”

”What do you mean you don’t know?!” Kageyama snaps. “You sent Tsukishima to look around where we were! What about you? You didn’t look?!”

_What are you **doing?!**_

”You idiot. Now’s not the time to be yelling.” Tsukishima hisses at him. He doesn’t care.

”He should have looked!” He says. He hates how his voice sounds weak. He hates how everyone is staring at him. He hates everything. “How are we supposed to know who’s okay and whose not?!”

”It’s not his fault! He was calling the ambulance!” Kiyoko defends him. Kageyama only gets madder.

”What does that hav-!”

”ENOUGH!” A scratchy, damaged voice interrupts him. Everyone turns to stare at Suga, who looks angry. He’s angrier than Kageyama has ever seen him before, and it’s kind of scary. But it doesn’t last long, because his anger morphs into pain, his eyes water, and then he doubles over and spits out blood.

Kiyoko immediately runs over to his side, and Kageyama is frozen once again, reduced to only staring at him.

Suga waves Kiyoko’s concern off, then looks up and gives Kageyama a sharp look. One that says: _Cut it out._

Kageyama feels frustration bubble up in his chest.

He feels guilty.

Hinata gasps from where he was cuddled into his chest, then looks up and glares at Kageyama. Usually, Kageyama wouldn’t pay any mind to Hinata’s pathetic death stares he tries to do, but this time, he actually looks angry.

Maybe it’s the fact that Hinata is glaring at him with a bloody, scratched face, and one eye, but the look sends shivers down his spine.

”You stupid _idiot._ ” Hinata growls. “Stop yelling at everyone. No one knows what to do. It’s not there fault. It’s not everyday you get into a freaking _bus crash_.”

Kageyama scoots from where he sits against the bus to look at Hinata, giving him his own glare. “Shut up! I’m not- It’s not-“ His frustration reaches a peak, and he shouts. “Just shut up!”

Why isn’t anyone _listening to him_ _?_ He just wants this to be over and that means knowing about everyone else on the team and the fact that they’re not looking for them is so _stupid_ it’s so so so stupid and it isn’t fair. He’s angry. He hasn’t been this angry since he got benched in middle school. Why are they not looking? Whywhywhywhy? 

“Kageyama! Stop!” It’s Hinata, but Kageyama _doesn’t care._

”Leave me alone!” He snaps. Everyone’s speaking and it’s loud and annoying and it’s only making him more frustrated. No one is looking. Coach Ukai and Asahi and everyone else isn’t showing up and they could be dead for all anyone knows and no ones looking because they don’t care none of them-

A finger pokes at his goodarm.

He pushes it away.

“Will you stop? It’s just me!” Hinata says. He looks up. Kiyoko is there too. Some of them stare. Some of them aren’t paying attention.

“What?” He says angrily. It doesn’t come out like that. He sounds like he’s about to cry.

Hinata frowns at him. He looks sad. “Kageyama..”

Sirens are heard. He thinks he can hear the chopper of a helicopter roar in the distance. It’s the ambulance. They're here. 

“Stop looking at me like that!” Why is everything moving so quickly? It’s going too fast. Everything going too fast. It just needs to slow down. 

“I’m sorry!” Hinata yells back. He’s crying again. “I know this sucks but you can’t get mad at anyone! It’s not fair!” 

No ones looking at him anymore. Kiyoko Must have gotten up at one point and joined into the chaos that is erupting. A million things are happening at once and he’s in the middle of it all and it’s frustrating-

Hinata wraps his arm around his middle, and snuggles into his chest and Kageyama doesn’t know what to do.

But Hinata is somehow helping.

He surrenders.

“What the hell is happening?” He says. He feels dizzy.

”I don’t know. I don’t know.” Hinata shoves his face into the crook of his neck. “But there’s nothing else we can do okay? Stop being grumpy. We all hate this.”

Kageyama nods. He’s so tired.

Kageyama looks around. Suga and Kiyoko are around Nishinoya. He’s jerking around again. He must be having another seizure. Kinoshita has his face buried in his knees, and Tanaka is saying something to him. He looks worried. Remarkably, Tsukishima looks like he’s internally freaking out, which is very unlike him, and he’s calling Yamaguchi’s name. Yamaguchi is still in his lap, and his face is as white as a sheet. He’s unresponsive. The ambulance is wailing and it comes close and closer and the helicopters buzz is deafening.

It’s chaos.

Kageyama isn’t sure when the paramedics storm in. All he sees is a blur of thick uniforms, and he can’t help it, he wraps his good arm around Hinata and pulls him closer as everything becomes fast paced.   
  
Kageyama sees Tanaka run to one paramedic, and talk. The paramedic points at the bus, and responds. Tanaka follows his finger.

There are others searching the inside of the bus. One paramedic pokes his head out after about 30 seconds. He gives the man talking to Tanaka a number on his hands.

3.

At that, Tanaka falls to his knees. 

Kageyama suddenly understands what that number means.

”Oh my god.” He whispers. He’s frozen. His heart is throbbing his ears, loud and irregular. He barely hears it.

He must have been trembling enough to startle Hinata, because he suddenly looks up. ”Kageyama...What-“ He starts to question him, but stops when he sees Tanaka. “Is...is..” He starts.

“Yes.” Kageyama’s voice can barely be heard. He doesn’t even know if he’s speaking.

Hinata sucks in a sharp breath, and breaks into wailing sobs that were even stronger than ever. Kageyama bites his lip, trying to hold himself together. He grabs the back of Hinata’s head and pushes it closer to his chest. Why? He doesn’t know. He just doesn’t want Hinata seeing anything else. His anger is gone now. He knows what happened to the others. 

“Don’t leave me too!” He cries out. Kageyama jumps. “Don’t die!” 

“I won’t.” Kageyama says quickly. The paramedics were hustling their way now. 

“Promise.”

”Ok. I Promise.”

And just before the paramedics reached them, Kageyama looked around one more time.

It was like everything was in slow motion.

There were three stretchers near the bus. Three of them had blankets over them, and one of which held Coach Ukai. He was unconscious, and was being rushed away.

_He’s alive.._

Nishinoya was surrounded by people. He was still jolting uncontrollably.

Suga was struggling against a nurses hold, apparently trying to run to the bus, where Asahi, Takeda, and Narita where. Kageyama sees another stretcher with a sheet over it. It must be Daichi. He was screaming something, throat injury forgotten until he leans over and coughs out blood. He slumps against the nurses hold, and he gives up. 

Across him, Tsukishima’s calling for help as he holds Yamaguchi’s limp body close to him. His eyes were watering. 

Kiyoko is crying hysterically. Kageyama has never seen her more panicked than now, and she kept peeking at the stretchers and looking away from them. Kageyama realizes that Kiyoko has been with the team since the beginning. He feels horrible for her.

Kinoshita is hyperventilating on the floor, his face tucked between his knees. He was surrounded by two paramedics. They’re kneeling beside him, trying to calm him down so they can treat his injuries, but he looks too lost in his own panic to be listening. 

Tanaka is still talking to the nurse near the bus. He’s crying, and Kageyama realizes how hard he was working to hold it together for them. He suddenly feels bad for yelling at him before. Tanaka was the reason they were getting help.

There are other men in heavy suits running towards where Kageyama and Hinata had woken up previously. Probably to get Yachi and Ennoshita.

_We’re done._

Everyone is getting taken away. Everyone that didn’t survive is known.

And their team is done.

The reality of it hit Kageyama. Their team is dead. Finished. Their friends are gone. Everything’s only going to get worse from here. 

They’ve fallen again.

“We’re really done...” Kageyama said, not taking his eyes off the scene in front of him. He didn’t even mean to talk out loud. Hinata looks up at him, he looks completely shattered. He opens his mouth to speak, but he’s interrupted when a tall paramedic stands in front of them. She kneels down, smiling softly and looking at them with kind eyes.

”Hey there kid.” She’s talking to Kageyama. She motions her head towards Hinata, whose still laying his head on his chest. “Is your friend okay?”

Kageyama nods numbly. “Just scared.”

”I understand. We’ll take good care of you both, alright? You both have nothing to be scared of anymore. We’re going to do everything we can, but first you have to let your friend go and hop on that stretcher. Can you do that?”

Kageyama doesn’t even care that she’s talking to him too cautiously, and he nods again. He looks down at Hinata. “Oi. Hinata.”

Hinata meets his eyes. “There going to take me, aren’t they?”

”Yeah.” 

”Okay. Remember your promise.“

”I will.” 

Hinata nods at him. Then shifts to start getting up. Another doctor comes and helps him up, and then he’s gone.

Kageyama stares after him. For some reason, he doesn’t _want_ Hinata to go.

He’s all alone.

The frustration he felt earlier began to settle in his stomach again. He’s alone, and he doesn’t know what’s going to happen. 

The tall paramedic snaps him out of his thoughts when she offers to help him up. Slowly, he ascends and she leads the way to a stretcher. The whole time Kageyama is silent. 

He sits. Not a single word is spoken. What’s there to say? Everything’s gone to hell.

Apparently she notices how angry he looks, and she asks, softly, if he’s okay.

His anger flares.

“No!” He shouts. He feels like a child again. Like when he was 7 and throwing a tantrum because the ball kept falling on his face when he tried to set it. “No. I’m not okay! Nothing is okay!” 

And for the first time since this situation started, Kageyama tucks his chin to his chest, and he cries.

~  
  
~~25 minutes later, somewhere else.~~  
  


Saeko checks her phone again.

Ryuu hasn’t answered to the funny video she sent him and it’s honestly so rude of him! He _never_ ignores the memes she sends. He better not be ignoring her on purpose to try and look cool in front of his volleyball friends or something.   
  
After 15 minutes she spams his phone. She asks if he finally got sick of her, or if she has to go over there and hug him to teach him a lesson. Then, finally, after another 5 minutes, she asks if he’s okay.

No answer. 

Saeko begins to get suspicious. But she shakes her head. He’s probably busy celebrating. That game was crazy. He’s probably spent and doesn’t have the energy for anything, including texting his favorite sister. It’s not like it’s a big deal, so she shrugs and turns up her music, dancing to the beat of it while she frosts her greatest, new creation. 

She can’t shake off the feeling that something just _not right_ though.

She rolls her eyes at herself as she spoons some left over frosting. What is she, their grandma? Ryuu is fine.

She turns up her music even more.

After about 2 minutes she groans to herself. She’s really becoming old and overprotective, isn’t she?

_Fine. If it’ll calm your paranoid delusions._

She calls Akiteru.

It rings once. Twice. Then—

“Hello?”

”Hey.” She says. She licks some remaining frosting from the spoon and puts the bowl in the sink. “Weird question: Have you heard from your brother lately?” 

The lines quiet, then Akiteru speaks, sounding a bit cautious. “Actually...No.. I texted him about 10 minutes ago but he hasn’t answered.”

Okayyyy. That’s definitely weird. She frowns. “Wait, really? Ryuu hasn’t been answering me either. It’s been like that for about 30 minutes. I had the feeling something was wrong, so I just had to make sure.” 

“Maybe they don’t have service?” Akiteru suggests.

”You think?” Saeko asks. “I don’t know. I just feel like something weirds going-“ 

Her phone buzzes against her ear. She checks it and finds that an unknown number is calling her. Okay. This is really _really_ weird.

”Hold on. Some random numbers calling me. I’ll call you back.”

They exchange goodbyes, and after a lot of internal debate, she hesitantly answers the number.

“...Hello?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That concludes the bus crash scene :( . They’ve been saved! Well, physically at least. 
> 
> To everyone that hoped asahi and daichi or anyone else that was still in the bus would be okay, i’m SO SORRY MY LOVES They really got the worst of it :(((( 
> 
> If anyone’s questioning why the hell no one went inside the bus... it’s cause tanaka found the bag outside and they wanted to stay in one place, which was where kiyoko and yamaguchi were originally. Also, they thought everyone has been flung out.
> 
> I hope you’ll continue to read even if i hurt your favs! 
> 
> As always: make sure to comment! Comment what you think...Comment if this entire story is somehow making sense.... Comment if your currently writing my name in your death book...
> 
> Also, don’t be afraid to tell me if something doesn’t sit right with you. I want this story to be as accurate as possible. (I just really wish I had a beta reader ... :((( unfortunately I don’t get that luxuryyyyy) 
> 
> Next up: Surprise appearances!! Get ready!!!! 😘😏


	4. Saeko Tanaka: the most badass, caring big sister ever.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She waits.
> 
> And she waits.
> 
> She gets up. She throws her coffee cup away. And she sits back down, and waits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here you have it, the longest chapter I have written so far. One thing: I KNOW saeko and akiteru really only met on the day of the shiratorizawa match, but for the sake of this story, let’s just say they’ve known each other longer, yes? 
> 
> 💋 cheers.

When it comes to Saeko’s gut, Akiteru knows it’s usually right. Really, it’s actually pretty scary sometimes.

So when Saeko calls him saying that her brother hasn’t answered her in 30 minutes, and that she feels that something is wrong, he starts to get a little paranoid.

He looks down at his phone. It displays a conversation he had with Kei. 1 hour ago. The rest is just texts he sent just now.

There’s no reply.

He frowns.

Okay, so something about this situation is definitely weird. It didn’t sit right with Saeko, and now it definitely doesn’t sit right with him.

He gets up, and walks to his parents bedroom. Maybe they’ve heard from Kei. It’s not really like him to not respond to their parents, so if they haven’t heard from him, that probably means somethings up.

He stops in front of their door, and raises his hand up to knock before he stops.

There is a frantic voice coming from their room. Confused, he leans in to try and hear better.

He can’t make much out, but it sounds like his mother’s talking on the phone with someone. Her voice is demanding and nervous. There’s snippets of “How?” “What?” And some complicated, muffled words akiteru can’t make out, but one things for sure. She’s scared. And he hasn’t heard his mother sound scared in a long time.

There’s a sound of rustling clothes, then a clinking of keys hitting against each other. Akiteru forgets he was in front of the door in the midst of listening, and quickly goes to go knock again, but before he can do that, his mother opens the door.

Both of them jump, and his mother lets out a tiny squeak of surprise, before she looks up at him.

She's pale. And she looks so, so scared.

“Akiteru! You-“ She starts quickly, but Akiteru interrupts her, looking at her with wide eyes. “Mom...sorry...i didn’t mean to startle you...I just... i needed to know if Kei has been responding to your messages? He-“

“No.” His mother interrupts him back. She walks past him, and grabs her purse from the kitchen table. “And we need to go right now.”

“What?” He sputters, taken aback of the sudden urgency of the situation . Ok. Ok. Somethings wrong. “Mom what happ-“

“Kei’s in the hospital. The bus crashed while his team and him were coming back from their volleyball game. We need to go.”

At those words, Akiteru swears his heart almost stops. His jaw drops, and he stares at his mother, frozen and unable to do anything else.

Hospital?

“Mom...is he...okay..? Is he-“ he manages to croak out before his mother stomps her foot on the ground, apparently very frustrated.

“I don’t know Akiteru! They just got there! That’s why we have to go and find out!” She cries, she takes his hand and starts dragging him to the car.

Akiteru lets himself get dragged, still processing the situation.

_ Oh my god... Please..._

There were a million things he wants to ask. He wants to ask if it was bad, he wants to ask if they at least told her he was stable, but he keeps his mouth shut. His mother was stressed enough as it was, so he really doesn’t want to add on to that. Besides, if she knew, she would have told him. Instead, he sits in the front seat, and shuts his mouth.

They start driving. It’s quiet, the radios not on at all, and the atmosphere is thick with anxiety.

Akiteru almost jumps 20 feet into the air when he hears his phone go off in his pocket, and, without even looking at the caller ID, he answers the phone.

“Hello?” His voice is weak to his ears.

“Hey!” It’s Saeko, and he can hear the loud tap of her heel asshe runs around her apartment floor. “Did you get the phone call?!”

“Yea.” He looks out the window. The car light are shimmering against darkness of the night. There’s not many other people driving. “Me and my mom are on our way to the hospital now.”

“Me too.” There’s the sound of a car starting, and she sighs. She sounds beyond distressed. “I knew it. I fucking knew it.”

“Yeah.” He says. “Yeah, you were right.”

~~~~~

There’s a certain feeling that comes with going somewhere so brightly lit and busy during a dark night.

Saeko parks her car as close as she can to the hospital entrance, and begins to speed walk. She silently curses her black, platform heeled shoes she usually has on. They’re badass, they’re her favorite pair, and there _slowing her down_. She needs to hurry. She needs to know what’s going on.

She rushes through the front desk, she asks for directions so fast she had to explain 3 times. She rushes through the elevators, pressing the floor number multiple times as though that was going to make it work faster. (“Fucking WORK goddamnit!”) And then finally, _finally_ she reaches the floor and she rushes through the hallways, and through the waiting room door.

She doesn’t know what she expected, but it wasn’t this. As soon as she walks through the doors, her mission of knowing about her baby brother immediately goes on hold, because there’s a woman sobbing loudly onto her husbands chest, and a doctor looking at her solemnly. Their sitting on the chairs, and there’s other parents around them. They’re not paying attention, they look caught up in their own worries.

“What now?!” Saeko heard the mom cry. “What now? My babies dead! How can I even live anymore?!”

Saeko tensed up. _Dead_? A kid? Who? She walks slowly to the front desk, not taking her eyes off the mother and father. The mother had long, unruly brown hair, and she was tall. The dad was almost the exact same, save for the fact that he was big.

It was the ace’s parents. Asahi, Saeko remembers.

She can’t believe it. A kid actually died? Just how bad was this crash?

She adjusts her purse, and runs to the front desk.

She NEEDS to know how Ryuu is NOW.

“Hello. Hi.” She says quickly to the receptionist. The receptionist looks up, and Saeko continues. “My name is Saeko Tanaka, I’m here for my brother Ryunosuke Tanaka. Please, you have to tell me he’s okay! Please! Tell me something, anything!” She begs to the her. The receptionist smiles and starts typing something onto her computer.

“You said you’re here for Ryuunosuke, correct? Alright. May I see an ID?”

Saeko digs through her purse wildly, fumbling around with her wallet before shoving the ID to the receptionist. She types something onto the computer, then gives Saeko her ID back.

“Ok. If you can just take a seat, the doctor will be with you shortly to tell you about his condition.” She smiles at her apologetically when she sees Saeko’s whole face fall into dismay. “I’m sorry, I know it’s hard to be patient right now, but we have a lot of kids here because of the crash, it’s quite busy. I hope you can understand.”

“No. I mean. Yes. I...I understand.” She says, dizzy. She turns and walks to a nearby chair, feeling like a zombie, with all the life sucked out of her.

She sits with her hand on her lap, just looking straight foward. What now? She just waits? How is she supposed to just wait calmly if she doesn’t know if Ryuu’s okay?

She rests her elbows on her knees and lays her face in her hands, trying hard not to cry. It doesn’t work, and she soon feels tears wet her entire hand and face. Her nose is running, it’s getting quite messy, but she doesn’t care anymore. She just wants to know that her baby brother is well and safe, and not dead on some medical table.

She can still hear Asahi’s parents. His mother is still sobbing steadily, and his father is yet to say a single word. Saeko can’t even begin to imagine how they’re feeling.

Maybe she will soon.

Her breathing begins to quicken. Oh god...She can’t lose her little brother too...She’ll be all alone...All alone with no family, with no one-

She feels a light tap on her shoulder, and she jumps, looking up to see who it is.

Familiar, blonde hair. Brown eyes.

It’s Akiteru. He gives her a small, sad smile, and motions down to his hand. Saeko looks down, and sees a cup of coffee in his hands.

She wipes her wet face with her even wetter hand, and takes the coffee as he sits in the seat next to her.

“How long have you been here?” He asks softly. He’s so nice. How’s he so nice and calm in a situation like this?

“Few minutes.” She replies, trying to sound nonchalant. Her thumbs stroke the sides of the coffee cup nervously. “What about you?”

Akiteru sighs and leans back in the chair. “About 20 minutes now. I think. We were closer to the hospital then you.”

“Oh. Right.” She starts picking at the coffee cup sleeve. “Where’s your mother?”

“She’s outside. She’s calling my dad. He’s on a business trip right now, so she’s letting him know what’s going on.” He takes a sip of his coffee, thenasks. “Any luck getting some news?”

“Nope. Nothing.” She chokes out, and looks at him. “You?”

Akiteru shakes his head, looking miserable.

“Shit... I’m sorry.” She says sincerely. “You’ve been here longer. That can’t be easy.”

“Not really.” He shakes his head again, then straightens up and smiles at her. “But it’s okay. Because...it can’t be much longer.”

Saeko chuckles, then smiles back. His enthusiasm never fails to make her feel better.

They lock eyes, and her smile softens. “Be honest, how much of a mess do I look like right now?”

“A pretty big one.” He says honestly. “But I think that’s allowed right now.”

“Yea...” She laughs, then presses her lips together in anger and kicks the floor with her beautiful, badass platform boots, starling akiteru “Goddamnit.” She breathes hard in anger. “This isn’t supposed to be happening. This isn’t supposed to be fucking happening.”

Akiteru’s quiet for a second, then he speaks. “I know...But it happened. There’s nothing we can do to change it, and we have to keep moving forward.”

“I’m terrified, man. If Ryuu...If he didn’t survive...I’m gonna be all alone.” She whispers, tears springing to her eyes.

“Saeko...” That seems to have sadden him. “Nothing is confirmed yet. I’m not saying get your hopes up, but don’t expect the absolute worse either.. and-“

“For Tsukishima kei?” A voice calls out.

Saeko looks over to Akiteru, who was stiff as a board, his eyes wide and frightened. He looks sort of in shock, so Saeko slaps him on his back to snap him out of it.

“Go!” She says as he jumps up a bit at the contact. “Go get your mom. And don’t worry, it’ll be fine. Whatever happens, We just have to move forward. That’s what you said right?”

Akiteru nods stiffly and taps his fist against the chair as a sort of nervous action before springing to his feet. He looks over at Saeko one more time. He looks like he wants to say something, but Saeko waves her hand aggressively, shooing him away.

He nods, and scurries off to go fetch his mother quickly before they both jog towards the doctor who called them. He looks over his shoulder, and gives Saeko one last smile before disappearing into the doors that lead towards the patient rooms.

Saeko’s supportive grin falls.

She’s alone once again.

She’s happy for Akiteru, really, she is. She hopes only the best news for him. But she really doesn’t want to be alone at a time like this.

She wishes her mom could be here.

She scoots back into her chair with a heavy feeling in her heart and begins to look around.

There’s lots of parents she recognizes. Some because she’s seen them at volleyball games, and some because the resemblance to their children isstriking. There’s a very pretty, slim woman with long, black hair sitting in the very corner of the room with a another tall, black haired man. Saeko can immediately tell it’s kageyama’s parents. The woman is looking forward, unmoving. She looks like she’s in a sort of state of shock. Her husband has an arm around her, and is whispering something to her. She doesn’t respond.

Close to them is another woman with short silver hair. Her elbow is leaning on the arm of the chair, and her chin rests on her hand. She looks tired, and her porcelain skin is reddened. The top of her nose is rosy. Shes been crying, Saeko can tell. She’s looking at two other kids by the seat next to her. They’re twins, and share the same porcelain skin and silvery hair as their mother. They have an iPad between their laps, and are playing together quietly. Saeko wonders if they know what’s going on.

There’s another child, however, that definitely doesn’t know what’s going on. Her hair is fiery orange, and so is her mother’s. They’re obviously related to Shouyou. If the situation was different, Saeko would laugh, because the little girl is jumping around like nothing was happening with an energy that matches and maybe even surpasses Shouyou’s. She spins and talks and plays to herself. The mother looks the complete opposite. She looks ready to breakdown at any second.

In the chair directly in front of Saeko are two parents she immediately recognizes as Yuu’s. The mother has brown hair in a sort of punk style, and she’s tiny. A tiny, tiny woman that can’t be more than 4’11. Her husband is bigger, but probably below average height. Saeko almost chuckles. No wonder Yuu is so small. She’s never actually met them, but he looks exactly like his mother, and It seems he gets his strong, open personality from her as well. She has her legs and arms crossed, and she’s looking like she’s ready to take anything on. She still looks terrified, but she holds her husbands hand tightly. Her husband says something to her, and she nods, and squeezes his hand.

Other than them, there’s not anyone else. Saeko thinks they may not have arrived yet, or they were already meeting with a doctor.

She takes a sip of her coffee.

Waiting is killing her. Waiting is killing her.

A door opens.

Saeko leans toward.

“For Sugawara Koushi?”

She leans back, her heart racing.

She waits.

And she waits.

She gets up. She throws her coffee cup away. And she sits back down, and waits.

She hears a door open again, and her head spins towards the sound, and she hopes so so badly she would hear her brothers name.

She doesn’t.

In fact, it isn’t even a doctor. It’s a tall woman, and she resembles one of the quiet second years. She carries a girl that looks no older than 4 as she rushes towards the exit. She’s crying, tears streaming down her face, and her palm is pushing her daughters face on her chest as she sobs as well.

She’s saying something, and it was a bit hard to understand due to it being muffled by the moms shirt, but after a second, Saeko can understand it.

And it breaks her heart.

“Nii-Chan come back!” The little girl wails. She takes a big, gasping breath, only to break into another crying fit. “Where he goed?! Where is he?!”

Saeko’s jaw drops as she watches the mother shush her gently, pressing her closer as though she was terrified to lose her. The little girl payed no mind.

“My-My Nii-Chan come back...? Nii-Chan!” Her sobs gradually fade as the woman runs out of the room, and the door closes.

Saeko feels shock take her over once again as she stares at the door. Oh my god. _Oh my god_. That was the most horrible, saddening thing Saeko has seen. Ever. She feels tears form in her eyes again and she wipes at them aggressively.

She’s done waiting. She needs to know about her little brother NOW.

_ No...stay strong. Come on Saeko. You can do it. You can do it.Just a litt-_

“For Tanaka Ryunosuke?”

Saeko’s heart races, and she nearly jumps out of her chair and sprints to the nurse calling Ryuu’s name, but she forces herself to stay calm.

She gets up slowly. Cautiously. She walks towards the doctors.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.” She whispers to herself, and she takes a deep breath before smiling at the doctor. “Hello...I’m-I’m Saeko tanaka. That’s my brother.”

“Okay.” She smiles back. “Come with me.”

The doctor turns and starts walking through the door, and Saeko follows, hot on her heels.

“Miss..please...is my brother okay? Is he alive?” Saeko can’t help but blurt out. She can’t wait one more second. She’ll _die_ from the worry.

The doctor slows down so that she’s next to Saeko, and she smiles at her. “Yes. He is very much alive, and right now, he’s okay.”

Saeko lets out a shaky exhale as relief unlike anything she’s ever felt before fills her.

Her brother is okay. He’s actually okay. He’s not dead.

He’s okay.

“Oh thank god.” She whimpers quietly, wiping away all the tears that gathered in her eye on the way here. The doctor nods and they come to a stop, right in front of a patient room door.

“Yes, however, he still got into a bus crash and is still injured. The doctors have given him X-rays and other tests to make sure he doesn’t have any internal bleeding or anything like that. We still have to evaluate the results, so for now, we have him on an IV and a few monitors so we can make sure his blood pressure and rates are okay. Once we get the results of the tests, and we see determine if everything’s okay, he’ll be discharged.”

“I...That’s...I can’t believe it...!” Saeko yelps. Everything is better than she imagined! “That’s amazing, thank you!”

“Of course. That’s what I’m here for.” She looks at Saeko with sad eyes. “You know, I can’t disclose patient information to others, but I can say that he’s extremely lucky. Probably the luckiest out of everyone else. He got out with no obvious life threatening injuries or broken bones. Of course, we are doing the tests to confirm, but other than that, he had no major injuries.”

Hearing that brightens Saeko’s mood just a little more. “He’s just so strong like that.” She jokes tearfully. The nurse nods.

“He sure is.” She says goodheartedly. “The paramedics say he was responsible very throughout all of this. Now, I have to take his vitals, and once I leave, another doctor will come later on and tell you what’s going on.”

“Yes. Yes. That’s good, okay.” Saeko bounces on her tippy toes nervously. The doctor went to open the door, and they both walked in.

Everything is so painfully white, and somehow, the smell of antiseptic is even stronger here. Ryuu sits cross cross on the bed, staring down at his lap. He’s hooked up to some strange machines, and is wearing a hospital gown. He looks beat up, there are cuts and bad bruises littering his body, but other than that, he looks okay. Saeko’s heart jumps.

“Ryuu!” She chokes, and she runs to his side. He looks up. His face is flushed. He’s definitely been crying. Oh...her poor baby bro.. “Ryuu! Are you- are you hurt too much?! Can I hug you?!” She babbles, her hands just shy of touching him. 

Ryuu looked back wide eyed. “Nee-San..um...yeah that’s..ok.” He stammered.

She hugs him. Softly, of course. Even if he didn’t look that injured, she knew he must be achy. Bus crashes tend to that.

“You have no idea how scared I was.” She snuggles her face into his neck. “I almost got grey hairs right there in that damn waiting room.”

“Sorry.” Ryuu said quietly.

She pulled back and placed her hands on his cheeks, giving him a wobbly smile. “Don’t be. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

She pats his cheek gently in affection, then steps away to let the doctor take his vitals. The doctor moves to his side and begins to adjust the many straps that cover his arm.

“How you feeling?” She questions him as she grabs a clipboard.

Ryuu shrugs, his eyes never leaving his lap. “Good. Just a little sore.”

“Alright.” She says. Saeko watches quietly as she finishes writing down his vitals, and within a few moments, she was done.

“Perfect.” She tucks her clipboard under her armpit. “So the doctors are still waiting on the test results, but as soon as that’s done, we’ll send someone in to meet with you, okay?”

“Okay. That’s okay.” Saeko replies for the both of them. The doctor nods.

“Alright then. Good luck to the both of you.” She says pleasantly, then turns and leaves, the door clicking closed behind her.

It was quiet for a second, then Saeko gets up from where she was sitting and walks up to the bed. Tanaka doesn’t look up.

“Guess it’s just the two of us.” Saeko places her hand on his back and rubs it.

Ryuu nods, but says nothing.

“Hey.” Saeko says. She sits on the edge of the bed so that she’s in front of him, and outstretches  her arms. “Come here.”

Ryuu sniffles, and leans into her arms. 

She wraps them around his shoulders, she can feel him trembling.

“Hey, it’s alright. It’s almost over, okay?” She coos. “You’re gonna be fine. You’re tough.”

Ryuu nods against her hold.

“I love you.”

“Mhm.”

“Say it back.” 

“Fine. Love you too.”

“Good.” She said. She pulled away. She looked at the door, and sighs. “How long do you think they’ll keep us waiting?”

~~~~~

Akiteru’s still In the hospital.

Apparently, Kei has no external injuries. Which is supposed to be good. It’s supposed to be really good! 

Unfortunately, he passed out on the way to the hospital. And after some scans, some x-rays, and they discovered he has internal bleeding. 

Severe internal bleeding. 

Apparently bad enough that they had to start prepping him for surgery immediately after.

It’s a short process. They have to create an incision where he’s bleeding to relive pressure and prevent more bleeding. But, if Akiteru’s being honest, it’s scary. The doctor told them internal bleeding can go wrong very, very quickly. 

Akiteru doesn’t want to think about it.

He holds his mother’s hand, whose glaring at the ground like it’s to blame for everything that has happened. He sighs, and leans back in his chair, hoping everything can end quickly, and he can be with his brother again.

~~~~~

“Ryuu stop.”

Ryuu doesn’t answer.

“I’m sorry okay? There’s really nothing we can do! It’s the middle of the night, and you’re the only one whose been released. It’s better to go home and rest right now.”

Ryuu doesn’t speak. 

He’d just been discharged after all his tests came out okay, with strict orders to take it easy. 

Ryuu has never been one to take it easy, and now he’s angry at Saeko for not letting him stay.

Saeko groans in frustration. “Come on. Please? I get it, it must be torture not knowing about your friends, but please Ryuu, we can’t stay here. It’s not a good place to be right now. You wouldn’t be able to visit them anyways. No one but family is allowed right now.” 

“Okay.”

“And it-oh.” Saeko stops mid rant. “Really?”

“Yes. Fine just...lets go. My head hurts.” He says, emotionless. 

Saeko looks at him, a certain sadness overtaking her. She hates seeing him like this. If she could take his pain and make it her own, she would in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, they don’t get that option. 

All she can do is stay strong for him and help him through everything.

She places a hand on his shoulder as she finishes checking him out at the front desk “Come on.” She says. “Let’s get out of here.” And she steers him through the door that leads to the waiting room.

It’s different than before. There’s other people. Saeko sees a blonde woman that looks to be in her 30’s. There’s a nurse next to her. 

Shes holding a pen and clipboard, and is looking down with the most heartbroken expression Saeko has ever seen in her entire life. It’s the expression of a mother with a million regrets.

Saeko swallows and looks away. She doesn’t look around anymore. She can’t.

She makes sure to hurry them out if the waiting room and the hospital so Ryuu doesn’t end up seeing too much either. He’s upset enough as it is, and being at the hospital any longer is just going to make it worse. 

She runs into a problem when they get to her van.

Ryuu just stares at it. He makes no move to get in. 

“What?” She says, leaning on the door of the back seats. “What wrong? You don’t wanna go in it?”

“Well, i mean, I can-I just-“ He begins to fumble over his words, looking supremely embarrassed. He makes a frustrated noise. “Just-“

“Hey.” She places a hand on his shoulder. “I won’t take any highways or anything like that, and I pinky promise I’ll be the best driver you’ve ever been in a car with!” 

“That’s impossible.” He huffs out a laugh, and he opens the door and gets in.

Saeko makes sure to keep her promise. She goes slow, she stops at every stop sight. She puts on her turn signal when changing lanes. She doesn’t even swerve once, and Ryuu seems to appreciate it all. 

They get to their apartment with no troubles. 

It’s cold and quiet. The only sound Ryuu makes is when he closes the door and takes off his shoes. 

“Ryuu.” Saeko calls out as she makes her way to the medicine cabinet. “Go take a shower, then lay down okay? I’ll bring you the pain killers and everything else.”

“I can do it myself! You don’t have to-“ 

“ _No_.” Saeko interrupts him. Ugh. Boys. “Go. I’m going to do it. AND DON’T TAKE TOO LONG!” She adds at the end. She really doesn’t want to worry about whether or not Ryuu had dropped dead in the shower. 

She digs around for the medicine, and eventually finds the bottles she’s looking for. Pain killers and melatonin. The doctor didn’t say anything about sleeping pills, but she thinks it’ll help. Although Ryuu’s never had a sleeping problem, there’s just no way he’ll be able to sleep calmly tonight.

With the medicine in her hand, she goes to the kitchen and heats up some water to make tea. She grabs chamomile. 

Stirring the honey in is somehow soothing. She chuckles to herself. It’s really been a horrible, wild day. 

As soon as everything’s done, she knocks on Ryuu’s door. 

He opens it. He’s changed into some sweatpants and a loose fitting shirt, and his eyes and face looks a little less puffy then before. Good. It means he hasn’t been crying. 

“Hey love. I made you tea.” She barges her way into his room like the sweet sister she is. Ryuu follows her and sits criss cross on his bed. Saeko sits down next to him, handing him the pills and tea. 

“Drink up.” She motions to the cup. He takes a sip, and cradles the cup between his hands. He says nothing.

“You gonna leave me talking by myself?” Saeko teases lightly to try and improve the atmosphere.

He shrugs. 

“Hey. Talk to me. We’re alone now, you can tell me everything.” Saeko says, her teasing tone forgotten. “What’s going on?”

Ryuu wipes at his eyes. “I... I don’t know I just...i don’t know what to do now.” He looks so lost. 

“Everything is going to go work itself out.” Saeko says confidently. And it’s true. “No matter how bad the situation is, everything always works out at the end. No situation stays the same forever.” 

“Yeah. It really doesn’t.” He mumbles. 

Saeko raises her eyebrows at that. That was oddly dark. ”What do you mean by that?” 

“I mean you’re right! Nothing stays the same forever!” He snaps. “My friends are dead. Half the team is dead. We’re done.” 

Saeko only knew that two kids died, so hearing that is a bit of a shock. She looks at Ryuu’s face. He looks angry. And sad. 

And scared.

“Oh Ryuu.” Saeko gathers him into her arms. He doesn’t fight it. “It’ll all be okay. I swear. I know things suck right now but it’ll all be okay. I promise.”

“You don’t understand.” He insists, he sounds disgusted. “I saw...I saw their bodies I...when I was looking for them...and when they took them to the ambulance and-“

Saeko hushes him and squeezes him tighter, completely horrified with what she was hearing. It was worse than she thought, and she already thought the worst. “Don’t think about that right now. Don’t think about that.”

“It’s all I can see-“

Oh my god, _what does she do?_

Ryuu’s sounds a bit panicked, and Saeko really doesn’t know how to navigate this situation. She doesn’t to make things worse. How do you help someone that’s telling you they saw their friends dead bodies? 

“I know I know..” she tries. “I’m so sorry. Please, try and think of something else, okay? Just for a bit, until you fall asleep. I know it’s hard but you have to try.” 

He nods, glaring down at his tea cup. She grabs it and places on the desk near her side, and grabs the remote next to it. “I have an idea. Let’s watch something together, okay? 

“Ok.” He mumbles, and Saeko pulls back from her embrace, to get up and turn off the light while he lays back. Once they’re situated, she flips to a random channel (Thank god Monty python and the holy grail is on.).

None of them say a word as they watch. Saeko bursts out laughing a few times, and Ryuu even lets out a chuckle at the knight scene. Saeko has to fight the urge to look over when he does that, just to see his smile. 

About an hour in she looks over and sees his eyes shut close. She smiles sadly, turning down the volume of the tv and slowly getting out of his bed. She makes her way towards the kitchen to where her phone lay, and saw that she had a missed call from Akiteru.

She calls him back. 

The phone rings a few times, then he answers. “Hey!” She says, trying to sounds as upbeat as possible while still keeping her voice down. 

“Hey! What’s up?” Akiteru answers just as cheerful. How he’s related to Kei, saeko will never understand. “Any news?” 

“You won’t believe it.” She says, looking back to Ryuu’s room. “He’s already gotten released. They said he’s okay.”

“Wait, really?” He actually sounds surprised. 

“Yeah! They...they actually told me he was really lucky. Apparently the crash was...really bad..”

“Yeah. Yeah, it was. There’s already a news article on it. It has a picture of the bus they were on...it’s totally destroyed.” 

Saeko winced. “Damn...” She makes a note to search for it later. “But how about you? How is your little brother doing?”

Akiteru chuckles a bit nervously.

“Oh...um...actually...he’s going into surgery.”

“Huh?!” She says a bit too loud. Her head whips to Ryuu’s room, and she mentally scolds herself for being too loud. “What...why?”

Akiteru sighs, heavy and dark. “He had some bad internal bleeding apparently. They caught it on time, though. So...I think he’s going to be okay.” 

“That’s really good.” She said, then, a bit more hesitantly. “Are...are you okay?”

“Huh?”

“Like...with all this. Are you okay?”

“Oh...” He sounds a bit sad for a moment, but his voice is bright when he speaks again. “Yeah yeah, I’m good! At least, you know...he’s gonna be okay.”

“Yeah...” Saeko says. “At least.”

~~~~~

“Nee-san, come here.” 

Kiyoko grabs her younger sisters hand as the car moved steadily. Bless her little sister. Seriously. She thought she had been so good at hiding her anxiety, but of course, Aika can always see right through her. She’s awfully observant for a 14 year old.

“The cars going slow. Don’t worry baby.” Her mother says softly from the front. 

“Yeah...it’s okay.” She whispers.Aika lets go of her hand, and her thumb goes tostroke the inside of her wrist nervously, feeling the slight bumps of the stitches they gave her. 

The emergency room is the worst place kiyoko has ever gone to. It was extremely fast paced, and she was so panicked that everything was only spinning faster. Eventually, she calmed down enough for them to treat her, and she learned that she had a broken wrist, whiplash, horrible abrasions all over her side, and needed stitches on her wrist. All of these were pretty treatable, so she was released that night. 

And now she was heading back home. 

To be honest, she felt pretty horrible. Just the thought of her leaving her friends and team in that hospital made her cringe. But her sister reassured her that she couldn’t visit them anyways, and they were probably going to be feeling better tomorrow, so with a heavy heart, she left. 

Her sister taps her shoulder, shaking her out of her thoughts. “We’re here.” 

She swallows back her anxiety and starts to crawl out of the car, grunting a bit at the muted pain and uncomfortableness that came from the movement.

“Take it easy.” Her dad helps her the rest of the way. She mutters a quiet thank you before she staggers behind them, and into the house. 

Everyone immediately goes to help her with her things. Her mother cuts her apples, and then her and her dad sit down and talks to her about how she is, and about everything that has happened. Her sister fetches her water when she starts to cry once again. 

It’s a bit pitiful.

Kiyoko announces she’s going to sleep after a while, and limps back to her room, where all her clothes is spread out on her bed. 

It’s from this morning. She couldn’t find her track suit, and decided to just dump her entire drawer full of athletic clothes on her bed. She remembers how she told herself she would pick it up when she got back. That it wouldn’t be so late.

She looks at the clock. It reads 1:43 Am. How wrong she was.

“Nee-San.”

She turns around slowly, as her neck is still sore. It’s Aika. She’s dressed in her pajamas, and she holding a blanket and pillow. 

“Let’s have a sleepover.” She smiles wickedly, as though they’re doing something they shouldn’t be doing. 

Kiyoko smiles back. “Ok.” 

Later, when she’s in bed, she thinks of Takeda. She thinks of Yachi. She thinks of Ennoshita and Narita and Daichi and Asahi. She thinks about how unfair it was. 

Aika grabs her hand softly in the midst of her mind replaying the crash over and over again. 

Kiyoko slowly relaxes, and her sister turns to look at her. 

“Just chill out a bit.” She says lightly. Kiyoko can’t but giggle at that, and she closes her eyes, trying to take Aika’s advice.

She falls asleep shortly after.

~~~~~ the next day. ~~~~~

Kenma stares at the article in front of his phone.

It reads: ‘Deadly bus crash leaves 6 dead, 10 injured.’

6 dead.

10 injured.

And right under it, is the most horrifying part of it all.

‘This Saturday at 8:12 PM a bus filled filled with 14 teenagers and 2 adults were heading back to their school, karasuno highschool, after a volleyball match when a truck driver suffered a stroke and lost control of the truck, cause of both vehicles to collide. The crash caused the bus to flip over the guard rail and begin descending down the side of the slope they were previously driving up. The bus flipped multiple times before coming to a stop on flat ground. News reporters state that 1 adult and 5 teens did not make that crash, and the rest were gravely injured. More details to come.’

Kenma stares at the word “karasuno high school.” And “volleyball match.” For too long.

Can you blame him?

He exits out the news app, and clicks on his texts.

It shows Shouyou’s texts.

The last time he responded was 7:36 PM.

Now Kenma knows why.

He quickly clicks on something else.

He puts the phones to his ear as the phone rings a few times.

Click!

“Hey Kenma! What’s up?”

“Kuroo.” He says quietly, but urgently. “We have to go to Miyagi. Karasuno is...they're like...they’re in _a lot_ of trouble.

There’s a beat of silence, then Kuroo speaks. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Karasuno got into a crash. I think...Shouyo hasn’t answered me...but...the news article...it’s says that 6 of them died.”

“Are you...are you serious? You’re not joking?” Kuroo sounds hesitant.

Kenma makes a face. “Why would i joke about that...?”

“Sorry, sorry. Dumb question.”

“Look, just,” He begins to get frustrated. “Just...I’ll send you the article I read.“

He does, and Kuroo is silent as he reads it. Then, he mutters out a string of swear words.

“See?! Kuroo...I think.. what if...Shouyou is one of the ones that...” Kenma stutters. His face feels hot. So, so hot, and his heart is hammering like never before.

“Okay okay. Kenma. Don’t worry okay? Maybe he hasn’t responded because his phone is broken. If he’s injured, they might also be busy at the hospital. There’s a lot of explanations for him not answering you.” Kuroo says, his voice sounding oddly serious.

Kenma swallowed thickly. “I don’t know... I don’t know.. it just doesn’t seem-“

“Don’t assume the worst.”

“How are you going to tell that to me?” Kenma mutters angrily. Kuroo chuckles, although he sounded a little breathless.

“I’m serious. Don’t.” Kuroo says in that oddly parental sort of voice he uses with Kenma sometimes. It usually annoys him, but he couldn’t care less right now.

”I’ll try.” He says. He’s quiet for a moment, then he repeats: “We have to go to Miyagi.”

”To go visit them?”

”Yes.”

“Okay...look...this happened yesterday right? Things today are probably really complicated. If they’re really hurt, they’re probably not letting anyone but their parents visit them. Let’s go tomorrow, okay?”   
  
“Okay...okay that’s fine.” Kenma agrees. As much as Kenma wants to see Shouyou today, Kuroo’s right. They just got out of a bus crash. They need some time. “Tomorrow.”

”Tomorrow.” Kuroo echoes. 

Kenma smiles. He really has the best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I just emotionally killed one of the most badass characters in karasuno high schools volleyball club. Sorry not sorry 
> 
> Isn’t Saeko such a good sister? I sort of based her actions off my own sister, and what she would say/do. Cause they sort of have similar personalities! 
> 
> BUT I AM SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG ON THIS CHAPTER I had to do a lot of research on the discharge info for hospitals (plus internal bleeding stuff :O ) and i also based it off my own experiences. And...I may have procrastinated just a bit the first few days...sorry! This Arizona heat is making me slow! but it’s also extra long so I think that makes up for it.
> 
> 2 things I wanna mention just bc I thought it was funny.
> 
> 1\. The way Saeko presses on the elevator buttons was phrased the same as when Ryuu shook the phone last chapter to try and make it go faster. Like brother like sister, am I right?  
> 
> 
> 2\. Nishinoya’s mom is tiny right?? Can’t be more than 4’11?! That’s literally impossible, right??!! Wrong. I’m 4’10 (And 17) . I know, so tiny :( . So I knew I had to make our tiny libero’s mother the same. Tiny people exist guys! And lemme tell you, we look adorable in big hoodies. 
> 
> Is this story making sense? I really need a beta reader.
> 
> Anyways: there it is. can you imagine how hard it is to be in saekos position? Or akiteru’s? Or even Kenma’s? It’s sad, isn’t it? Let me know in the comments ! ...please :)
> 
> Xoxoxo!! 😘


	5. Schrödinger's cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He huffs out a laugh, because something about this situation is familiar.
> 
> Something to have to do with a cat, he remembers. A scientist puts something explosive into a chamber along with a cat. The explosive only has a 50% probability of exploding if a button is pushed. He has no way of knowing if it explodes or not. So he pushes the button, and in the moments, before he looks in, the cat is considered both dead and alive...
> 
> Tanaka shakes his head.
> 
> That is a horrible, horrible way of thinking of this situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay.
> 
> 1\. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF YALL’S COMMENTS! They meant SO much to me I can’t even begin to express how much!!! 
> 
> 2\. I’M SO SORRY FOR TAKING A WHOLE WEEK TO POST THIS! I ran into a writers block in the middle of the chapter. I just couldn’t figure out where to go! I’m really getting slow with these updates :( I apologize for that!
> 
> The good news is i am going (or am currently. This is being written yesterday night. I’m going to post this tomorrow morning) on a 6 hour roadtrip, rarely any stops, and the ENTIRE time I am going to be writing and writing and writing, which means I may or may not have a chapter ready the next day! 
> 
> That’s enough of tomorrow though, let’s get into today’s chapter :) xoxoxo
> 
> PS: if anyone is confused, last chapter ended the day after the crash in the morning, which means this chapter, kenma and kuroo will not be visiting karasuno today.

“Get off me.”

“For once! Just let me hug you!”

“Hey! Don’t be like that with your brother!”

“Oh for crying out loud. Seriously? This is ridiculous.” Tsukishima mumbles. His mother is sending him a sharp look, and Akiteru is still draped across him, holding him in his arms tightly.

But despite his nonstop complaining about it, Tsukishima doesn’t have it in him to push his brother away.

Apparently he had passed out on the way to the hospital andhad just gotten out of surgery for internal bleeding. Wonderful. Only problem is his entire body is numb and Akiteru squeezing is just giving him an awkward feeling.

Tsukishima still doesn’t push him away. Why? He doesn’t know. Oddly enough he doesn’t seem that inconvenienced by it now.

Maybe it’s the drugs.

So he sits there and takes the hug reluctantly. His mother smirks at him, pleased, and Tsukishima has to hold back a grumble as his older brother continues to rant about how ‘Scared.’ He was and that should he ‘do this again’, he would ‘hit him with broomstick.’ and a bunch if other empty threats Tsukishima didn’t believe for a second. It’s when Akiteru starting ruffling his hair that Tsukishima glares at him and pushes him away.

“Don’t do that.”

“What? Mess up your hair?”

Tsukishima scoffs. ”No. I meant-“

“Look mom. Kei thinks he’s too pretty for me to mess up his hair.” Akiteru turns to his mother.His mother raises her eyebrows. Uh oh.

“Oh really?”

Tsukishima’s face grows warm. That’s not what he—! It was too late though, his mother was already getting up and walking to him. Then, she starts ruffling his hair.

Great. Tsukishima scrunches his shoulders up to his ears, at the weird, numb feeling in his scalp, but it only gets worse Akiteru smiles evilly and joins. Tsukishima cringes, trying to escape the hands that cover his entire head.

“Agh! Stop!”

“You too pretty for your family, boy? Huh?” His mother challenges him with a playful glare. Tsukishima blindly pushes at her hands, ultimately missing. The tingling sensation begins to feel ticklish now, and he begins to laugh against his own will.

“Okay! Okay stop! _Stop_! I’m sorry!” He wheezes out. His mother and Akiteru laugh along with him and finally, _finally_ remove their hands.

Tsukishima quickly shields his head and glares at them as though they were Hinata and Kageyama. “You guys really don’t have any mercy on me?”

His mother is still smiling, apparently not sorry at all. Then her smile softens.

“My Kei.” She says, and pulls him into a hug of her own. Tsukishima sighs, but doesn’t fight it. He can smell the lingering scent of her favorite perfume, and it smells better than usual. Almost comforting. He feels his mom give him a kiss on his bruised and scraped forehead. He still doesn’t fight it.

When she pulls away, she smiles at him. It’s a sad smile. It doesn’t fit her usual upbeat and playful manner, and it strikes something through him. 

“Sorry.” He mumbles on instinct. He really doesn’t like the way his mom is looking at him. It’s foreign. His mother’s smile falls, and she places He doesn’t know what else to say.

He shifts uncomfortably.

He’s being so _lame_ about this.

“It’s okay. Don’t apologize.” His mother said after a while. “You have no reason.”

Tsukishima knows that. But still, with the way his mother looks so sad, it leaves him no choice. Still, he nods. “Okay.”

His mother smiles softly and pats his cheek a few times before it goes quiet again.

It’s not awkward. Just deafening.

“Hey...I’m being released today right?” He says, just to break that god awful silence. 

His mother nods. “Yeah, why do you ask?”

“Did he say I could walk around?”

His mother looks at Akiteru for an answer.

Akiteru nods, confused. “Why?”

“There’s someone I wanna see.”

~~~~~

Suga can’t speak.

It isn’t that his throat hurt too much to do it. It isn’t that the tube going through his nose and throat is bothersome and painful, or that his throat is a little too swollen to do that now. It isn’t even that he can’t move his jaw because it’s wired shut.

It’s that he had hit his throat against the seat during the crash so badly that he had “disrupted the nerve impulses to his voice box.” Causing “Permanent damage to his vocal chords.” With “resultant dysphonia” and “probable vocal cord paralysis.” And some other medical stuff Suga can’t understand.

The doctor did tell him that, technically, he still had his voice. It was weak though. Barely there.

He also told him to not expect it to stay long.

So what now?

He just waits to lose his voice. He won’t be able to talk to his mom, or to his friends.

Or maybe even to his future spouse. Or kids. Or anything.

Suga looks down at the note pad he had gotten from one of the doctors. He holds a pen in his good hand, and scratches the paper lightly. The rest of the page is filled with small doodles. There’s a heart with an arrow through it. There’s little smiley face. There’s a cat with its tongue sticking out.

There’s a drawing of a volleyball. There’s a drawing of a bus.

It’s funny, really.

How fast it all happened. How badly things have gone in the span of a day. How his life has gone to _shit_ due to his team and him being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

He just doesn’t understand.

It’s not fair.

Not for him. Not for his friends.

Suga grips the pen so hard he hears a crack from the plastic casing. At least he got out with only a 2 broken bones and a throat injury.

Some of his friends didn’t even come out with their lives.

Suga grips the pen harder in his fist, and suddenly, he’s scribbling the small doodles of the volleyball and bus. Fuck buses. Fuck volleyball. He scratches it so hard it tears through the paper, and he’s left behind with a inky, crumpled mess.

He stares at it.

It doesn’t take long for him to start crying. His tears and snot fall down to the paper. He watches, entranced as the ink bleeds just the slightest bit, turning the ink dark grey at the corners of his scratches. He cries so much his tears dribble to the spine of the notepad, to heavy to stay in one place. It leaves a wet trail behind.

He doesn’t know how long he stares at the ink, in shock with everything that has happened, All he knows is it’s long enough for his parents to finish talking to the doctors, and come back to visit him.

He hears the door open. He doesn’t want to take his eyes off the paper.

But he does. He feels his mother sit down next to him, and turns to her.

She frowns as her eyes meet his, and she wipes the tears away from his cheeks, placing a cool hand in replacement. “Hi baby. How are you feeling?”

His father sits down next to her. He looks tired. Suga knows he was working all day yesterday, only to take a last minute trip to the hospital. He must be exhausted.

Suga shrugs in response to his mother’s question. Honestly, he doesn’t know. Heavy. Grey. Sad, he thinks. Just sad. That’s it.

His mother gives him wobbly smile, as though she’s suppressing her own sadness, and rubs her thumb along his cheekbone “Oh Koushi...we were so worried...We’re so glad you’re okay. So, so glad. ”

His father gives him a small, sad smile.

Suga tries returning the smiles, ignoring the small voice in his head that’s whining about how he is not okay. Not at all, because in reality, _he is_. Compared to everyone else, he’s okay. He’s lucky. He’s treatable. He’s okay. 

He didn’t even realize he started to tear up again before his dad asked him what was wrong.

What’s wrong?

That’s a good question.

If he could speak, What would he even say?

_ I can’t speak. _

_ My friends are dead. I saw her body. I saw him on a stretcher before they covered him. He was bleeding so much. _

_ I don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s really scaring me. _

It’s a good thing he couldn’t.

Instead, he grabs his notebook, and quickly writes something down. He showed it to them.

‘Hate it here.’ It reads.

His father chuckles at that, and Suga ignores the fact that he still looks worried “Yeah. Too bright, isn’t it?”

If that isn’t the truth. The light is a blinding white, it only glares against the obnoxiously spotted floor tiles. Suga distantly imagines himself smashing a hammer into them, then shakes the thought out of his head and instead writes down: ‘How much longer do I have to stay?’ for his parents to see.

They look at each other. “Well, at least two more days. They need to keep you on the-“ His mom gestures to her nose and throat. “You know, until the swelling goes down. They also wanna start you on a liquid diet to make sure you can...swallow.”

He shifts uncomfortably. He really doesn’t like being here. He just wants to go home. Back to where he could be by himself, in his own room, where he can sprawl across his bed his own bed and just process everything.

The pen presses a little harder on the paper when he writes. ‘Oh, okay. At least it’s soon.’

“Yeah, right baby?” His mother scoots closer to him and pushes a stray strand of hair behind his ear. Then, her fingers trail upwards, and start running through his hair.

Suga stills.

Then, he leans into her touch.

It’s nice, being on the receiving end. He wonders if Nishinoya felt this warm.

He loves his mom.

~~~~~

Yamaguchi looks at the clock. He’s dizzy. Probably from all the drugs they’ve given him, so he doesn’t really have the strength to look around. His world view is nothing but a circle.

There’s no one else in the room. It’s silent. His parents were here, but they left. That was about 30 minutes ago. At least, he thinks so. He’s not reading the clock so much as just staring at it. They told him to get some rest.

He can’t.

It’s okay though. He doesn’t mind being alone and awake right now. It gives him a chance to try and remember what happened.

His hand goes to scratch at his rough cast on his other arm, a reminder of what had happened.

Honestly, he can’t remember much, save for a few things.

He remembers waking up abruptly. Takeda had slammed on the brakes. Adrenaline flowed through his body like never before by being woken up in such a frightening way.

He remembers the bus starting to roll down the slope, hearing an earsplitting, terrified scream, only to realize it was him. He remembers hearing a loud crack amount the deafening noise of metal screeching. He remembers feeling a tingling sensation roll from his legs to the rest of his body.

After that, he must have passed out, because he woke up on Kiyoko’s lap. He remembers the pain registering in. Thinking of it physically nauseates him. His hand scratches at the cast harder. His chest grows tighter.

He remembers not being able to take the pain, falling in and out of consciousness. He remembers Tsukki talking to him, seeing everyone crying and asking him what happened. Tsukki telling him that he shouldn’t worry about that now. 

He remembers being confused. Why was he telling him not to worry about that? Why was everyone crying so hard? Why was Nishinoya on the ground? Where was everyone else?

His fingernails stop scraping at his cast. His eyes fly open.

That was the last thing he remembers.

Now he’s on a hospital bed. Fresh out of surgery, Arm in a cast, unable to feel his legs, face all stitched up, and looking up at the ceiling, thinking of things he doesn’t know.

He hears the click of a door opening.

He lifts his head towards the source of the noise as best he could, only to see Tsukki standing there, bandaged and bruised.

“Tsukki!” He smiles, the panicky feeling in his chest disappearing as he is pleasantly surprised at the sight of his best friend. Although seeing him all beat up wasn’t exactly all pleasant, nothing could diminish the excitement of seeing him here.

“Hey.” He greets back, then frowns. “You sound tired. Should I come back later?” 

Tired? “Oh no...I’m-I don’t _feel_ tired. It’s okay.” He tries to make his voice a bit more upbeat. He really doesn’t want to kick Tsukki out so soon. He could do with some company.

And some answers.

Tsukki doesn’t really look convinced, but he shrugs. “...Ok.” He starts making his way toward the chair next to where he lays. He’s limping. Yamaguchi’s eyes widen.

“Tsukki?!” He yelps. “Why are you limping? Is your leg hurt? Is it broken? Wait, what happened? Did you get out okay? Or did you- “

“Yamaguchi.”

“What?”

“...Shut up.”

Yamaguchi blinks in surprise.

Then, he grins. Typical. “Sorry Tsukki.” Then, his grin grows worried. “But...seriously, what happened?”

Tsukishima sighs and sits down, crossing his arms. He doesn’t meet Yamaguchi’s eyes. “I just had surgery. It’s not a big deal.” 

Yamaguchi looks at him horrified. Not a big deal? “But why?!”

Tsukki’s face goes red. “It was just...” He crosses his arms and leans back. “I’m supposed to be asking about you...” he mumbles. 

“Well I’m okay.” Yamaguchi says. 

Tsukki raises his eyebrows. “You have metal around your legs.” 

Now it was Yamaguchi’s turn to go red faced. Shit! He looks down, where multiple protruding rods are screwed into his bruised and stitched lower legs. Embarrassment burns in his stomach. “I-i...” 

Jerk!

“I just had surgery, it’s not a big deal.” He turns Tsukki’s own words against him.

Tsukki’s eyes widen, then he chuckles and looks down, shaking his head. “Good one.” He says, then he inhales deeply and leans back into the chair. “Ok. I had internal bleeding. That’s it.”

“ I had the surgery for the open fracture on both my legs. And...a broken arm.” He looks down sheepishly. “And...I  had to get stitches on my face.”

“And those?” He gestures to the metal. 

“Well...i’m not actually that sure...the doctor hasn’t told me that much. All I know is that the break was too complicated so they had to do that...” Yamaguchi mumbles. He refuses to look down. 

“Oh.” Tsukki looks a bit shocked at that. 

“Yeah...”

There’s a moment of silence before Tsukki speaks up again. “And uh...how are you?” He says a bit awkwardly. 

Yamaguchi fiddles with the sheets.“Confused...I’m not too sure what happened.” He looks up to Tsukki, looking him in the eye. “I thought, maybe you could tell me?”

The atmosphere grows tense. Stiff. Suddenly, Yamaguchi gets this intense feeling that somethings _not right_. Tsukki looks like he’s doesn’t know what to say, so Yamaguchi swallows, and fills the silence.

“I remember you were talking to me at one point and I asked you why everyone was crying. You told me I shouldn’t worry about that.” He says. “Why were they crying?”

Tsukki looks back at him. He’s not wearing glasses. It makes it easier for Yamaguchi to see how melancholic his eyes were.

Neither of them look away.

Tsukki opens his mouth to say something, but no sound comes out. Finally, he breaks eye contact. He’s silent for a few more seconds, before he speaks, voice soft. 

“It’s because Daichi died.” 

Yamaguchi’s eyes widen. 

There it was. 

The truth. 

That horrible, anxious feeling squeezes at his chest again, paralyzing him in place. The room suddenly gets cold. So cold, and a shiver runs down his spine. He’s unsure if it was because of the cold, or because of the news.

“He...What?” Yamaguchi says after a few, agonizing seconds. His voice is barely above a whisper, but it’s too loud in icy silence that filled the room.

Tsukki doesn’t reply. 

Yamaguchi gasps softly, and his hand goes to scratch the cast at his arm again. He finally looks away.

Their captain is dead.

No. Something still doesn’t feel right. There’s something else.

“Who else?”

“What?” 

“Who else is dead?” Yamaguchi whispers fiercely. His hearts pounding like a storm in his chest. Wild and nonstop. 

“Yamagu-“

_No._

“Kei-“ 

“I’m not the best-“

“Please just-!”

“5 other people okay?!” Tsukishima finally snaps out. 

The coldness Yamaguchi felt before was nothing compared to what he feels now. He’s been dumped In a pool full of ice water. 6 people died. 

Tsukki looks beyond frustrated, but his expression softens when his eyes meet Yamaguchi’s again.

“Um...are-“

“Who?”

Tsukki’s shifts. “Yachi, Ennoshita, Narita, Asahi, and Takeda.” 

Each name was like a punch to the gut, leaving him dizzy and breathless and disoriented. His world span faster. He couldn’t hold back the weak whimper that escaped his mouth. He couldn’t even be embarrassed by it, because the shock was overpowering any other emotions. 

“You’re...” _Kidding_ , he wanted to say. “They’re...?” _Dead?_

“Yamaguchi..” Tsukishima’s voice cut through his daze. He sounded like he didn’t know what to say. Yamaguchi knows he doesn’t know what to say. 

“How...How bad was this crash...?” Yamaguchi croaks, his breathing starting to speed up. He stutters out some incomprehensible words, then find his words. “Just how... wait...wait wait wait...” He shakes his head to clear it, then looks up at Tsukki, silently begging for good news. “How’s everyone else?” 

Tsukki sighs and shrugs.“I don’t know. I heard Tanaka got discharged, but other than that I don’t know. So...don’t ask me.” 

Despite what Tsukishima thinks, Yamaguchi knows him pretty well. And right now he can tell that Tsukki’s just as lost about this as he is. 

He takes a deep breath. 

“Okay. Sorry Tsukki.” 

Tsukki looks confused for a second, but quickly he replaces it with his usual stotic expression, clicking his tongue and looking away. Yamaguchi notices he’s a little less rigid.

“Yeah. Whatever.” He mumbles. Then—

“If I know anything I’ll tell you. Just don’t pester me about it.” 

Yamaguchi’s bottom lip trembles and he gives Tsukki a wavering smile. “Thank you, Tsukki.”

~~~~~

Hinata doesn’t remember when he started crying. 

He only just woke up from a long night full of panic, doctors telling him things he didn’t understand, and apparently being rushed into surgery.

Now he had a tight, uncomfortable bandage wrapped around his entire upper right side of his face. It pinches his skin as he sobs and sobs.

“Shouyou, baby, what’s wrong?” He heard his mother through his loud, gasping breaths. She sounded a bit scared.

What’s wrong? _What’s wrong?_ He got out of a bus crash where he saw his friend dead and where he saw his friends hurt and where he heard about his friends deaths and now his eye is blind and he will never EVER play volleyball _EVER_ again and everything is ruined.

“I’m done!” Hinata cries out. Everything is moving so, so, so fast. In a split second, she goes to his side, pressing him close to her and rubbing his back. It was meant to be something calming to help him stop crying. Soothing. 

It was not.

It was too much.

His mother’s fingers gently brush against the nape of his neck.

Too much. Too much. Too much. The hands on his back were just _too much_.

“Stop. Stop.” He begs. The hands flinch away as though they had been burned. Maybe they had been. Every inch of his skin was burning hot, his blood felt like lava, bubbling under his skin. The post surgery pain was beginning to set in, causing his right eye too feel even worse then when the glass had been in. It was extremely painful. Hinata moaned out. 

Everything was just too much. He didn’t know how much he could take. 

“Shouyou.” His mother’s voice cut though the loudness if the room. Too loud. “You’re scaring me baby...calm down okay? Take nice, deep breaths.”

“I can’t!” He chokes out. He gasps so hard he falls into a coughing fit, stammering out in between coughs. “I can’t!” 

“Yes you can. Come on, in...” His mother inhales deeply. Hinata tries to copy her, hiccuping a few times. “And out...” She exhaled. Hinata copies her again. 

“In....”

Hinata inhales.

“Out...”

Hinata exhales.

“In....and out....In....and out....”

Every breath was torture to try and control. He just keeps thinking and thinking about everything. He’s just so scared. So, so scared. 

“In....and out....in....and out...”

Hinata keeps trying though. He listens to his mother’s voice. Only her voice. 

The flame of panic in his chest begins to diminish. 

The world starts to slow down. The light gets a little dimmer. The air vent gets a little quieter. 

His breathing gets a little slower.

He’s calm again. 

“See? I knew you could do it.” His mother wipes away a tear drop with a small smile, and cups his cheek in her hand. He sniffles. 

“Sorry.” He said, his voice hoarse and quiet. Now that he’s calmer, the embarrassment of the situation hits him.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. I know you’re kind of scared right now.” His mother murmurs. “What’s wrong? You can’t bottle it up, not right now.”

“Mom...” he starts, voice high and trembling. “Am I gonna lose my eye?”

She’s quiet for a second. A second too long, and Hinata whimpers, but then she speaks up. “We don’t know. Only if there are..problems with it, okay?”

“How am I ever going to be able to play volleyball with only one of my eyes working?” He dreads the answer. 

She looks at him. She looks so determined Hinata almost apologizes for asking. “You try. It’s going to be hard, but you’ve never been a quitter.”

Hinata smiles, and more tears fall down his eyes. “I...i won’t be able to play volleyball anymore right now. My team....their all...hurt...and some of them...” his eye widens. “Some of them are dead mom. Oh my god...” His breathing quickens again. “My friends...and my team they’re-“

“Shhh.” His mom wraps her arms around him. “Deep breaths. It’s going to be okay. You’re strong baby.” 

He nods into her shoulder, and presses his cheek against it. “Okay. Okay.” 

If his mom says so, why shouldn’t he believe it?

~~~~~~

There’s a few seconds in between unconsciousness and consciousness when everything Is forgotten. 

There’s no problems, there’s no traumas, no nothing. 

It’s bliss.

Tanaka wishes he could stay there all the time.

But he can’t. He wakes up. It’s light. The sun is out. It’s nice, he thinks. Then he remembers he had been released from the hospital and his friends died. 

They can’t see the sun. 

He gets up, grits his teeth at the horrible pain in his body, and looks around. Next to him, the sheets are ruffled like someone slept there. That means Saeko slept with him last night. She hasn’t done that in a long time. 

Then where is she?

The rooms quiet and cold. It makes him uneasy, and he suddenly feels too alone. He slowly gets up and goes to open his door, poking his head out. 

“Nee-san?” He calls softly. There’s no response. He licks his swollen lips, and swallows, walking out and into the kitchen with slow, tentative steps. “Nee-san.” 

There’s still no response. Tanaka begins to feel extremely uncomfortable. Is he home alone? Why would Saeko leave him alone? Is—

The front door of the apartment opens and he turns to it with wide eyes. Saeko walks in and slips off her shoes quietly, holding a bag full of something. She look up and jumps slightly in surprise.

“Ryuu! Oh my god you scared the shit out of me!” She yelps, and puts her hand to her chest. 

Tanaka walks (more like limps) up to her. “Sorry.” 

“It’s no problem. Did you just wake up?” 

He takes the bag from her hand. “Yeah.” He says as he opens the bag and looks inside. “Dumplings?”

“Yup. It’s lunch time. You sure slept a lot.” 

“Sorry.” 

“Don’t worry about it. You deserve it. How are you feeling?”

They walk into the kitchen, and Tanaka places the bag on the counter. He takes a seat on one of the chairs, and shrugs. “Um...Well. Okay, i guess.”

“You guess?” There’s a sound on metal from a the chain of a purse clinking on the counter. 

“I’m kinda sore.” He admits. ‘Kinda.’ Is generous. His entire body is aching deeply. His back is slouched only because straightening it felt like a thousand knives were stabbing into his entire spine. 

“Okay. I’ll get you some more pain killers.” She puts a bottle of water and black container in front of him. It’s filled with mouthwatering, glistening dumplings. “Eat.” 

He picks at them with his chopsticks. They honestly smell so good. 

He’s just to nervous to eat.

He wanted to ask Saeko if he could go to the hospital again. At the same time, he really doesn’t want to go in a car right now. At the same time, knowing about his teammates is his number one priority. 

He’s scared though.

He doesn’t want to get there and hear something he doesn’t want to.

But he really needs to know everyone’s okay...

He huffs out a laugh, because something about this situation is familiar. 

Something to have to do with a cat, he remembers. A scientist puts something explosive into a chamber along with a cat. The explosive only has a 50% probability of exploding if a button is pushed. He has no way of knowing if it explodes or not. So he pushes the button, and in the moments, before he looks in, the cat is considered both dead and alive...

Tanaka shakes his head.

That is a horrible, horrible way of thinking of this situation. 

Before he dwells on it any longer, a hand pushes a white pill into his view.

“Here you go.” Saeko chirps, then speaks again, a little more worried. “Not even a bite?” 

“Oh. Sorry,” Tanaka says sheepishly. “I was just...thinking.”

“That’s not good.” She teases. “About what?” 

“...Can we go to the hospital today?”

She sits down next to him, and breaks her chopsticks. “...Yeah. Of course. That’s okay.” Tanaka looks up, a bit surprised she agreed so easily. She’s shoving dumplings into her mouth, and she waves her chopsticks in dismissal. “What are you surprised for?! Didja think I was gonna say no?!” She says, her words muffled.

“Well...no..but...” Tanaka doesn’t know how explain it. 

Saeko doesn’t give him a chance anyways. “Well I wasn’t. You deserve to know about your friends love. I’m not gonna keep you from that.” 

“Oh...ok...thank you.”He said, a bit lost for words. 

She looks at him for a few moment before she pulls him into a tight, sudden hug. Right into her chest. “You know how much I love you?!” 

“Nii-San! Stop!” Tanaka’s face feels like it’s on fire. “Your boobs are all over my face!”

“What, you’re still complaining about that?! I’m your sister not your brother! Get used to some boobs all over your face!”

~~~~~

Kiyoko sits in the waiting room chair. Her head aches, so badly. She’s cried herself into a headache before, but when she was younger. She’s forgotten how painful it was.

Beside her sits Tanaka.

They ran into about an hour ago, both desperate and wanting to visit their friends. 

Naturally, they went together, and had visited who they could. 

Suga had been easy to visit, except he was hard to talk to, as he had to write everything down, and he was still spaced out from the drugs they gave him, which caused him to space out quite a few times and forget about the conversation.

Nishinoya was off doing a million brain scans. He wasn’t an option. 

Yamaguchi had been really aloof. He kept looking away, as though he didn’t want them to stare at the stitches on his face. The visit had been short.

Coach Ukai wasn’t an option either, apparently. Kiyoko has no idea whats even going on with him, the last time she saw him he wasn’t even conscious. It scares her.

Kinoshita was unavailable. His family didn’t want anyone seeing him.

Tsukishima was being released. They caught him and his family signing out in the waiting room. He was leaning against the wall on one foot as they talked, and Kiyoko suspected he was hurt, She was right. As soon as they said their goodbyes and he walked away, they saw him limping slightly, obviously trying to conceal it as much as he could.

They couldn’t visit Kageyama.

Hinata was a nervous mess. He was extremely on edge, and pretty difficult to talk to without him breaking into tears every 2 minutes. Kiyoko understood, and she gave him a hug to try and make him feel better. It helped. For 5 minutes. Then he was back to square one. 

And now her and Tanaka are sitting in the waiting room. 

Her hands are crossed on her lap, her head bowed even as her head aches. She’s mouthing out silent prayers.

It’s quiet. She can’t hear anything other than her own breathing.

Then a hand lays on her shoulder.

She looks up. Tanaka is looking at her worriedly.

“You okay?” He asks softly.

Kiyoko nods, then freezes, and shakes her head.

“I’m scared.” 

How weird is it that Tanaka and her are talking like nothing? How weird is it that he is touching her shoulder and he isn’t freaking out? 

Things really have changed.

“It’ll be okay, I think.” He says. 

She smiles at him. He looks like he means it.

Kiyoko isn’t sure what drives her to do it, but suddenly she’s scooting over, and laying her head on his shoulder. 

She feels Tanaka hesitate, before wrapping his arm around her shoulders, and rubbing it gently.

For the first time since the crash, Kiyoko’s mind becomes a little clearer.

~~~~~

Kenma dies in his video game for what seems like the 100th time this hour. He doesn’t care. He isn’t thinking about his game. 

He’s thinking about Shouyou.

He really can’t stay calm, he’s overthinking. Just like Kuroo told him not to do.

The problem Kuroo doesn’t understand. He just doesn’t.

Right?

He makes a face and puts his switch down. He’s not in the mood to fight Lynels right now. He’s in the mood to lay on his floor and be sad.

If Shouyou is dead...If Shouyou is really dead...Then that means the happiest, most positive, most hardworking, dedicated person on this earth lost his life.

Kenma can’t ever imagine meeting anyone like Shouyou. It’s not possible. It’s just not possible.

He curls up on the hard, uncomfortable floor. The carpet scratches against his arm.

He can’t wait for tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Info time! 
> 
> If anything you read in this chapter didn’t make sense, here’s your tiny info page for all your info needs!
> 
> 1\. Vocal cord paralysis, is the inability of one or both vocal cords (vocal folds) to move. It causes difficulty on speaking (in Suga’s case, he already has resultant dysphonia due to the trauma to his throat, vocal cord paralysis would take away his voice completely.) causes include trauma to the throat. Poor Suga ! :(
> 
> 2\. Exterior fixation (the metal outside yamaguchi’s legs) is used to treat complicated fractures. Metal pins or screws are placed into the bone through small incisions into the skin and muscle. The pins and screws are attached to a bar outside the skin. 
> 
> 3\. The thigh is an area where too much pressure can half blood flow to areas of the body. In that case, a doctor might make a small incision or hole in the area to help relieve pressure. Now do you understand why Tsukki was limping? Although I couldn’t find anything on if they needed crutches afterwards or something after....honestly tsukishima wouldn’t even use it anyways. 
> 
> That’s it! Any more questions I’ll do my best to answer. Please excuse any medical inaccuracies...I try my best to research everything but sometimes things are just so hard to find!


	6. All’s well that doesn’t end well- Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything will be okay
> 
> It’s the second time someone’s said that today.
> 
> It’s beginning to sound like a lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone say: Cherries a liar
> 
> I know I said,,, I would make this chapter a little earlier,,, but honestly,,, even after being 12 hours in a car, I somehow didn’t manage to finish it.
> 
> This is part 1 bc the next chapter happens in the same day. Just to clear things up uwu
> 
> But! This chapter honestly is very exciting and I’m pretty proud of it! So there ya go! 
> 
> Good luck <3

It’s never quiet when Oikawa comes into the court. Never.

It is today.

It’s a bit strange when it happens. He’s so used to walking in and seeing everyone practicing already, hard at work because Oikawa loves his team and he loves volleyball and he wants everyone to try their best.

But today, he walks in, and no ones practicing. He doesn’t hear the squeak of shoes against the gym floor, doesn’t hear the “thump.” of a ball being served. Nothing.

Instead, he sees the entire team pushed into one corner, surrounding Hajime, whose hunched over a laptop.

Ok, he’s angry.

He pouts and crosses his arms. Even Iwa-chan? Seriously?

“Uh, Hello? No one told me practice was cancelled! Why is no one practicing?” He glares at his team. What a bunch of _lazy asses!_

Hajime looks up, and suddenly, Oikawa freezes.

He doesn’t look like his moody self. He’s not glaring, not opening his mouth to tell Oikawa to piss off. He looks...shaken.

Oikawa looks around at the rest of them. Some still have their eyes locked onto the screen. Some of them are looking at him, looking just as shaken as Hajime.

“Um..” Oikawa laughs, properly weirded out by now. “Okay....? What happened? Did someone die or something? Why is everyone acting weird?”

“Tooru.” Hajime says sternly. Oikawa is taken aback for a moment, because Hajime almost never calls him by his first name, and also because Hajime actually sounds seriously stern, not just how he pretends to be when their teasing around.

Which means something bad has happened.

His face goes stone cold.

“What’s going on?” He walks up and takes a seat next to Hajime. Without a word, Iwaizumi grabs the laptop and places it onto his lap.

Oikawa stares at the screen.

‘Deadly bus crash leaves 6 dead, 10 injured.’

His eyebrows furrow. Why is this the article everyone’s reading? He starts to scroll down the article, his eyes quickly working to try and figure out what has everyone so bothered.

It takes him 5 seconds for his eyes to fall upon the words “Karasuno.” And “Volleyball.”. It takes one more second for his stomach to drop, for the shock to overcome him.

He pushes it awayjust as quickly as it arrives, and he immediately goes up to the title once again, just to double check that he wasn’t imagining things.

He wasn’t.

Slowly, he looks up to Hajime.

They lock eyes. For a long time, neither of them say anything. 

There’s the hum of an air vent resounding through the room. Other than that, it is dead silent.

Oikawa breaks the silence by shutting the laptop, and speaking up, clearly. “Karasuno crashed?”

Hajime nods.

Oikawa presses his lips together for a moment, and he looks around. Everyone looks on edge, unable to speak up. “It says that...6 people d-“

“We don’t know who.” Matsukawa interrupts him.

Oikawa stares at the screen blankly.

So Karasuno crashed.

They really crashed.

10 of them are hurt, 6 of them are dead.

He shuts the laptop closed.

“Okay,” He starts.

He wants to say something. But what does he say? This is areally, really difficult situation. He always knows what to say.

It’s hard not knowing for once.

Thankfully, he was interrupted before he could continue, by a quiet sniffling sound.

Everyone turns their heads to the source of it. 

It’s Kindaichi.

He’s looking down at his lap as to hide his face. Next to him, Kunimi shifts uncomfortably, but despite his hesitance, places a hand on his shoulder.

“You okay man...?”

Kindaichi stiffens as the hand touched his shoulder, and he shakes it off. Kunimi pulls his hand away.

“...I was so.... _mean_....”

“Hey, hey, kin-“ Hanamaki starts, but Kindaichi cuts him off.

“I’m okay.” He says gruffly. He doesn’t sound it. Oikawa stares at him suspiciously, then it clicks.

Of course. He almost forgot Kindaichi had also been teammates with Kageyama in middle school. 

Kageyama. With Kageyama.

His face grows hot in realization. He knows these people. He actually knows them. Six people he’s played with were dead. Which means six people he knew were dead. That could mean Hinata is dead. Or Kageyama is. Or Daichi is. Or Sugawara is. 

Kindaichi stops sniffling. The room is quiet once again. 

Oikawa meets Hajime’s eyes.

They both nod.

They’re visiting them today.

~~~~~

There’s a red. 

A red splotch. And a blue one.

“Yuu....”

A yellow one on that corner.

“Hey...Yuu...Yuu!”

“W-whaa?” Nishinoya’s head perks up lazily. He looks around and sees both his doctor and mom staring at him.He frowns. Did he do something wrong? 

“W-what hap-happened?” He says, a bit confused and intimidated by the way they’re looking at him. His mother’s face falls at that, and he looks at the doctor, who has a solemn look in his eye. 

He doesn’t like those looks. 

“Um...Sor-sorry...Wh-what were we-we do-doing?” He squeaks out. He swears he was doing something. The doctor was telling him something and asking him questions. What questions? 

“I was just asking you some questions about what you remember.” The doctor replies smoothly. Nishinoya looks at him, confused. Remember about what? 

“O-oh...o-okay...” He decides to just go along with it. The doctor nods, and writes something down on his clipboard. Nishinoya feels embarrassment take over him. He hasn’t even said anything! 

“So, let’s see, you were telling me that you don’t remember what happened until now?” 

“...N-no sir.” Nishinoya mumbles. He fiddles with his fingers, and looks down at his lap, observing the soft wrinkles on the hospital gown he wore. 

“Do you remember anything that happened on Saturday afternoon?” 

“U-uh....i me-mean... if you t-t-tell me i-if...so-sorry, wh- _what_ hap-happened m-maybe...” He wiggles his toes. Interesting.

“Yuu. You had a volleyball game that day, remember?” He hears his father say. 

Nishinoya looks up. He did? The doctors looking at him with an expectant look. It’s scary. “Oh...Y-yea I re-remember.” He says slowly. He’s lying. He doesn’t remember that.

The doctor looks at him for a few seconds before nodding and writing something down. Nishinoya wants to slap that clipboard out of his hands.

“Alright. Last question for now: Can you try and read this outloud for me?” He places a piece of paper onto his lap. 

Nishinoya looks up at him suspiciously, then looks back down. 

There are words. They’re there. Definitely words. Okay. Now what? 

He squints at the piece of paper. The words all look foreign. What’s wrong with them? He looks up to the doctor, half expecting him to say something like “Confused? Good. That’s what it’s meant to do.”

The doctor does not say that. 

So Nishinoya swallows, and looks back down to the paper. It all looks jumbled. He just needs to concentrate...why can’t he _concentrate_? He doesn’t understand. 

Frustration bubbles up in his stomach quicker than he’s ever felt in his life, it makes him physically nauseous, and out of emotional impulse, he crumples up the paper and throws it on the ground with vigor.

“...Yuu?” He hears his mom say, slow and cautious. 

“T-thi-this is st-stupi-stupid!” He growls out. 

Then, his expression scrunches up, his eyes water against his own will, and he starts to cry. In front of the doctor, and his mother, and his father. 

How humiliating.

“Yuu..it’s okay.” His mother says in that strong tone she uses to encourage him. It doesn’t work this time. He’s mad at them. They’re just trying to humiliate him. Embarrass him. 

It’s working. 

“Y-you alread-dy know I c-c-can’t do a-any of th-this! W-why is..w-w-why....are...w-why...” He trails off as he struggles to find the right words. It only adds more to the sickly, angry feeling in his stomach. He wants to get up and stomp on that stupid piece of paper. 

He begins to cry harder. 

“Hey...Hey it’s okay. Don’t worry about it!” His father places a big, warm hand on his shoulder. Nishinoya shakes it off.

“Ju-just l-leave-leave me al-lone!” He snaps stubbornly. 

“Yuu, it’s okay if you can’t. It’s a good thing we figured it out okay? We’re gonna help you with that.” The doctor says softly. Nishinoya crosses his arms and looks away. Whatever. They just need to leave him alone.

His mother seems to notice his ongoing frustration, because she sits next to him and hugs him.

“Baby,” She says. Nishinoya snuggles into her chest, his heavy breaths taking in the smell of her warm, spicy perfume. “We’re all going to help you. Everything will be okay.”

Everything will be okay.

It’s the fifth time someone’s said that today. 

It’s beginning to sound like a lie.

~~~~~

Kenma doesn’t run. He hates running. With a passion.

He nearly runs to the hospital though. 

“Kenma! Kenma wait!” Kuroo begs from behind him. 

Kenma doesn’t listen, he jogs up to the front desk, slightly out of breath from running so much. 

That, and because of the pure anxiety running through his veins. 

He almost crashes into the desk from how desperate he is. It’s not his fault. He’s waited too long. He needs to know how Shouyou is _now_. Another second and he might burst.

“I need to see..I’m here to see Shouyou Hinata..Please.” He says quickly to the poor receptionist. The receptionist looks confused for a second, maybe because of how fast he was talking, but then she puts 2 and 2 together, and nods. She begins typing in her computer as Kenma bounces anxiously on his toes.

“Ok. Who did you want to visit again?” 

“H-hinata...I mean- Shouyou Hinata. Yea. Shouyou Hinata.” Kenma distantly hears Kuroo finally catch up to him, but that’s not what he’s concentrating on. 

The reception types on the computer a bit more, her acrylics clacking in the keyboard. She stops typing, and frowns. 

“You said....Hinata shouyou?” 

Kenma’s heart drops. 

Why did she look so...somber?

Kenma opened his mouth, but quickly closed it in embarrassment of the strange, stuttering noises coming out of it. Instead, he forces himself to nod jerkily.

The receptionists face brightens up. “Okay! He’s in room 1207!” 

The relief Kenma felt was physically dizzying. 

“Oh...okay.” He croaks. “Thank....thank you...” He inhales sharply and turns around, immediately walking off. 

“KENMA!” 

He jumps, and freezes. Kuroo marches next to him, looking exasperated. 

Oh.

Kenma looks away guiltily. 

“I didn’t mean to leave you.”

Kuroo raises his eyebrows at him, as if to say _go on_.

Kenma makes a face. “Fine. I’m sorry. I was distracted.” 

“I could see that.” Kuroo says, wearing his usual toothy smile for a second before it collapses into something more serious “I just feel like i need to remind you... that you can’t go barging in their all panicky and stuff.”

“Oh..” He’s right. Kenma was so close to barging in on edge and everything, completely forgetting that Shouyou’s probably more so.

“Just.. be careful, yeah? He’s probably gonna be really jumpy. Considering his team is..yknow.” 

He doesn’t have to say it, Kenma knows what he’s referring to. He nods. 

“Okay...” 

Kuroo smiles at him. “Come on. You’ve waited long enough.

They walk. 

Kenma reads each room number like he’s studying for it. 1207 plays like a mantra in his head. 

1207, 1207. 

He speeds up unintentionally as the numbers get higher. The squeak of his shoes was barely audible over the thump of his heart.

The chanting in his head finally clicks with a set of numbers, and his his hand immediately goes to knock. Just as quickly as it raises, It stops.

His hand lowers. 

Why is he hesitating? 

He looks back to Kuroo.

Kuroo smiles at him, and motions his head towards the door.

Before he could hesitate anymore, he knocks.

There’s silence for a moment. Kenma begins to think there isn’t anyone there. Then, he hears a soft voice. 

“Come in.”

He opens it.

It’s somehow even brighter in the room then in the whole hospital. It irritates his eyes.

But that’s not Kenma’s main worry. 

His main worry is Hinata, whose laying in a bed with a hospital gown. His left arm is in a white cast. There’s streaks of black on it. Someone must have written their name on it.Shouyou looks up to them, surprised, and it gives Kenma a chance to observe his face, which is heavily bandaged on one side and just as cut up and bruised as the rest of his body. His orange hair is flattened down and tangly, and is merging with another fluffy mop of hair. It’s his sister, she’s hugging him. Which must mean....

Kenma bows slightly. “Sorry for intruding.”

It’s Shouyou’s father that replies from where he sits on the chair. “Don’t worry about it.” He says lightly. “It’s good to see you, Kenma.” He eyes Kuroo. “And..Friend.”

Kuroo rubs his head sheepishly. “Sorry. Nice to meet you.”

“That’s my other friend, dad. His names Kuroo.” Shouyou pipes in softly, and he looks at both of them with wide eyes. “H-hi..guys... it’s really nice to see you!” He squeaks. 

So Kuroo was right. Hinata really does look on edge. Theres a heavy feeling in his stomach as he realizes that, but he shakes it away and waves. “Hi Shouyou. It’s nice to see you too.”

“Hey shrimpy.” Kuroo salutes from behind him.

Shouyou opens his mouth to reply, but Natsu beats him to the chase with a cry of “Kenma-san!”. She dislodges herself from Hinata and bounces up to greet him.

“Hi Kenma! Shouyou’s sick so I’m giving him an extra long hug because he told me one that my hugs have healing powers!” She looks proud of herself, and Kenma can’t help but smile.

“I’m sure your helping a lot.” He says, and Natsu brightens up before running to Kuroo.

“Hi Mystery-San!”

“Hi mini-shrimpy.” Kuroo snickers, and smiles at her.

Natsu looks at him, eyes sparkling. “UWAHHHH! Mini-shrimpy?!”

“Yup! That’s you.” He ruffles her hair. Natsu squeals, and goes to hide behind her father, giggling. He laughs, and picks her up.

“Cmon Natsu. You hungry? Let’s go get lunch.” He kisses her cheek, and turns to them, smiling. “We’ll leave you boys alone.”

“O-oh...Thank you.” Kenma bows his head. He nods, and walks out of the room, leaving the three boys alone.

It’s dead quiet for a second, before Shouyou sighs, and turns to them, smiling nervously. “Well. At least Natsu’s still as energetic as always.”

“She’s just like you.” Kuroo says softly, but teasingly. Shouyou seems to relax at the playful nature, and Kenma cant help but feel a bit jealous of how easily Kuroo had killed the tension. 

“Hey,” Shouyou looks up at them sadly. Kenma doesn’t like the way that expression looks on him. “I-i mean it...It’s really nice to see you guys...I’m happy you came.”

“Shouyou.” Kenma says quietly. “Of course we’d come. We wanted to...” _make sure you were okay._ “..Be here for you.”

“Yeah. It’s no problem, shrimpy.” Kuroo says.

Shouyou blinks. Then, he bows his head. “Oh.” He says, His voice wavering and high pitched. His thumbs scratch at each other. “...Ok...Thank you...” 

Kenma feels the sudden need to hug him, but doesn’t act upon it. There’s a wet sniffle from Shouyou, and he looks up, back hand wiping along his face. “Aren’t you guys supposed to be at school?”

“Our parents were cool about it.” Kuroo answered for Kenma. “They—“

Kenma’s head turns to the door as it opens suddenly, only to see the tall, blonde middle hitter Shouyou plays with. He looks surprised to see them. 

“Well if it isn’t Tsukki.” Kuroo sing-songs, he seems really happy to see him. The same couldn’t be said for Tsukishima. His surprised expression quickly drops to one of annoyance.

“Don’t call me Tsukki.” He says, although he doesn’t really look that annoyed. Kenma can barely just recognize that he’s actually somewhat pleased to see him.

“Oh, hi!” Shouyou exclaims, eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “Wow, what did I do for Stingyshima to visit me?” 

Tsukishima looks at him, seemingly bored. “Don’t flatter yourself. Yamaguchi wanted to know about the others so that’s why I’m here.” 

Kuroo stares at him.

Tsukishima glares back. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything!” Kuroo defends himself, and Hinata pipes in before Tsukishima can throw any more insults. 

“Wait, how...how is he? I was going to visit him once I got released...” He looks a bit anxious. 

Kenma can’t help but listen in, and he sees Kuroo do the same.

Tsukishima doesn’t seem to notice. Or he does, and just doesn’t care. Either way, he shrugs. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“He says he can’t feel his legs.”

Kenma frowns slightly. What the hell?

“Did they...fix them?” Shouyou says, looking paler than he already was.

Tsukishima scoffs, and looks away. “We’re at a hospital, of course they fixed them.”

“Oh...how?”

Tsukishima looks uncomfortable. “I...don’t know...they kind of...put something outside of them...” He glares at Hinata. “Why don’t you just ask him yourself? Stop asking me.”

“Fine!” Shouyou snaps, apparently very frustrated with the lack of information he was getting. “I just wanted to know how my friend was...” he looks away.

The rooms quiet for a second before Tsukishima sighs. “He’s fine okay? I just don’t want to say because he’s sort of embarrassed about this all. So ask him yourself. That way I don’t say anything he doesn’t want me to say.” 

Kenma hears Hinata sniffle the slightest bit, and he nods. “Fine.” Then, he looks back at Tsukishima with wide eyes (eye?) “And...have you heard anything about Kageyama?”

Tension quickly fills the room. It’s unlike anything Kenma felt in his entire life. He almost chokes on how prominent it is.

It only lasts a few seconds, but they’re the longest seconds of Kenma’s life.

Tsukishima finally speaks. “...No one can visit him.”

Shouyou looks up in disbelief. “...What? Why?”

Tsukishima shrugs and sends Shouyou another moody stare.“I don’t know. Although it might seem like it, I don’t actually know everything that’s going on.” 

“Ugh! I know!” Shouyou’s face gets red, and he looks away, and speaks, this time as a mere mumble. “It’s just...he promised that...” 

He doesn’t finish his sentence. Kenma looks at him, a bit shocked. Promised?

Promises are a bit dangerous in this situation.

The room gets quiet again, but before it gets uncomfortable, Tsukishima clears his throat.

“I’m going to leave. I have things to do.” He says a bit awkwardly.

“Kay..” Shouyou mumbles. “Bye.”

Kuroo is stiff where he sits.

He wants to go with Tsukishima. Kenma can tell.

Apparently so can Shouyou, because when the door closes as Tsukishima leaves, he turns to Kuroo, confused. “Weren’t you going to go with him?”

Kuroo blinks at him. “Uh—“

“I don’t mind. I know you have other friends.” Shouyou says, and Kenma smiles at him.

_ Always thinking of others. _

“Thanks for visiting me.” He ends with a small, attempted smile. 

Kuroo looks hesitant, but in the end he walks up to Shouyou and places a hand on his shoulder. 

“I’m really glad you’re okay.” He says sincerely. He pats him a bit, then turns around “And...thanks for understanding. I’m just hoping I can see Daichi.” At that, Shouyou noticeably stiffens, his face morphing into one of panic, but Kuroo already has his back turned to him. 

As he opens the door, he gives Shouyou one last smile, and leaves.

Kenma turns to Hinata, whose frozen, staring at the door. “Shouyou....?”

He doesn’t answer.

“Shouyou...Are you oka-“

“He can’t visit Daichi!” Shouyou’s face scrunches up, and he finally breaks down, tears already starting to stream down his face. 

Kenma’s heart races as he stares at Shouyou, wide eyed. “Shouyou...it’s...it’s okay...” He tries comforting him pathetically. Why is he so _bad_ at this?

“No!” Shouyou cries out. His hands go to cover his face. “It’s not okay! He _can’t_ visit Daichi!”

Kenma suddenly gets this horrible feeling. 

Everything clicks. 

Without thinking, he leans in and does something he never, _ever_ does.

He hugs Shouyou.

Carefully, because he knows he’s still injured, but it seems to help. He buries his face into Kenma’s shoulder and sobs.

“And-and. Now, I don’t know anything about ka-Kageyama! I don’t know if he’s freaking...DEAD or something!”

“I...” Kenma wanted so desperately to say he knows that’s not true.

But in this situation, he can’t say that.

~~~~~

“I’m sorry...you can’t visit him right now.” 

“...That’s okay. Thank you.” 

Kageyama’s mother slowly closes the door behind Tanaka and Kiyoko once they turn to leave.

As soon as the door closes, She looks behind her, and frowns.

“When are you going to stop avoiding them?”

Kageyama matches his mother’s frown from where he lays on the hospital bed. He says nothing. 

“I’m going to start saying yes.” She warns. 

Kageyama’s perks up at that, looking at his mother with wide, scared eyes. “Don’t.” 

“Why not?” She glares.

“I already told you why!”

“It just doesn’t make sense.” She sits on the bed next to him. She looks at him with sharp eyes for second before they soften, and her hands go up to push a strand of hair behind his ear.

Kageyama relaxes slightly.

Then, his mother slaps the side of his head.

It wasn’t that hard, but it’s enough to snap out of his moodiness 

“OW! WHY?!” Kageyama yelps, cowering away and shielding the side of his head that his mother hit. What the hell?! 

“Avoiding them is that last thing you should be doing, Tobio! You can’t run away from bad news forever! And you don’t even know if you’re gonna get any! What if nothing bad happened and you spend all your time cooped up in here like a coward?!” She hisses like an angry feline, glaring at him. 

Kageyama glares right back, and he opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out right. 

He doesn’t have anything to say. She’s right.

He’s just a coward.

“It’s not just that...” He mumbles weakly, still fighting for reason.

His mother eyes his arm, which is in a sling. The strange fabric pressing up against his arm suddenly feels 100 times more present.

Finally, she sighs. “You really need to learn how talk to people.”

Kageyama’s glare intensified as face heats up. Ouch. “Mom..” 

His mother raises an eyebrow. 

Kageyama looks away, the anger diminishing for the same, gray feeling he’s been trying to push back these last few days.

“Tobio..” 

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” He says, trying hard to avoid his mother’s eyes. He can still feel them boring into him. The tension in the room grows, and so does Kageyama’s discomfort.

“Stop!” He says when his discomfort reaches its peak. 

His mom looks at him. 

“One day it’ll be okay.” She says.

“A _year_.” Kageyama whimpers, feeling absolutely defeated. “If I’m lucky.” 

“Tobio, one day you’ll be able to play again. Hold onto that.”

“One day nowhere near to when I want it to be!”

Doesn’t she understand there‘s no use trying to get him to see the positive? He can’t volleyball for a year or more because he fucked up a stupid nerve in his shoulder and now his whole arm is paralyzed. There’s nothing remotely positive about this situation. Nothing. 

“Darling-“

“ _Mom_!” He snaps, surprising both his mother and himself. Oh no. He cowers into himself. “Just...please...I don’t want to talk about it anymore...”

His mother looks like she wants to yell at him, then her facial expression softens into one hasn’t Kageyama hasn’t seen in a long. Pity.

“Okay. Okay, we won’t talk about it anymore.” She says softly.

Getting pitied by your mother hurts. 

It means not even the people closest to you believe in you.

Kageyama looks away, and he holds back tears, cursing whatever god is out there.

~~~~~

“Baby...You have to talk to us.”

Kinoshita shakes his head. He can barely even understand what his mother is saying, but whatever it is, it’s a no.

The world hasn’t stopped spinning since...

He can’t even _remember_.

He can’t remember anything after he saw Daichi die.

Right in front of his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMGGGG CLIFFHANGER !!!! 
> 
> Poor Kinoshita! I wonder what happened! 
> 
> Let me know what you think about it, and this chapter!!!
> 
> <333 love y’all!! Thanks for sticking with this story!!


	7. All’s well that doesn’t end well- part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tanaka turns his head to look at Saeko.
> 
> He gives her a look, and she, very hesitantly, shakes her head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone.
> 
> I wanna start off by saying I’m TERRIBLY TERRIBLY sorry about taking more than A MONTH to update. 
> 
> Now before anyone wonders, no, I do NOT have ANY intention of abandoning this story. But here’s my explanation:
> 
> As some of you might know, I’m only 17, which means unfortunately, I’m still in highschool, and the new year has started.
> 
> Now y’all...
> 
> I HATE SCHOOL. SO MUCH. WITH A BURNING PASSION. 
> 
> Now I’m usually good with words but I literally CANNOT describe how much I loathe it. I’m a bad procrastinator, I’m unmotivated, I get distracted easily, I can’t learn from home, all the due dates mix up in my brain, I turn things in late, I don’t do things at all, I HAVE, SO FAR, FAILED A QUIZ WITH A FUCKING 25.  
> and that's not all. unfortunately, i have just found out i'm moving somewhere else, and i have started to clean out my room. 
> 
> All of this piles up. My motivation drops. I only have time to do school and to pack, anything else becomes rushed, pushed away.
> 
> Getting myself to write this chapter was...extremely hard.
> 
> As I write this, it’s September 6th, 3:50 AM. I’ve only just started on the second scene. I’m hoping I can at least finish this chapter this weekend. I don’t have much faith.
> 
> Guys, just know updates may become slower. Not like A MONTH slower, but as i get back into the habit of updating this story, i'll probably start doing a scene a day, just so i can maybe start posting a chapter every...week and a half maybbeeee?
> 
> I have a lot of plans for this story, i swear, I just need the motivation... and before y’all say “noooo take ur time” . Please don’t 🥺 I WANT to give y’all fast chapters. I don’t wanna take my time. I want to give y’all the chapters you wait for. I promise I’ll WILL do better from now on.
> 
> Okay, that’s enough talking. Enjoy this chapter, whenever it’s ready.

_Colors blend into each other._

_There was orange, because of the sunset. A bit of pink. A bit of white, because of the clouds. They blurred into each other, almost like dipping a brush into clear water multiple times while color painting._

_There was an obnoxious ringing in his ear, but Kinoshita prefers that over the earsplitting screams and the resounding crunch of metal he was hearing before he was flung out of the broken window._

_His right arm is pulsing painfully, and his entire left side burns, probably from being dragged through the dry land. Despite the pain, he knows he can’t just stay on the ground forever. He forces himself up with his better arm, letting out loud whimpers he could barely hear._

_The world is still doing flips, just as the bus was doing. It causes him to fall right back down on his scraped arm. He lets out a strangled gasp and bows his head, his eyes squeezing shut as stinging pain fills his senses._

_It takes him about a minute to finally force himself upwards. His whole body screams in protest, but he tries his best to ignore it. Immediately, his eyes are drawn to the sight of their bus. A shiver rolls through his spine, causing his his whole body to tense. It’s an awful sight. He wants to tear his eyes off of it, but somehow he can’t._

_The bus is upside down, laying on the roof. It’s at an angle, standing straight only because the metal there had been flattened. It’s dented to the extreme, the windows are broken, Kinoshita’s sees one window dripping with blood._

_Horror fills him and he gasps, finally managing to force himself to look away. Instead, his eyes focus on the bottom of the bus, and once again, he tenses up as he spots a figure just besides it._

_He squints his eyes._

_It’s Daichi. His arm is stuck underneath the bus._

_That’s all the encouragement Kinoshita needs to go limping after him._

_“D-Daichi?” He calls softly, his eyes locked on his arm. Daichi shifts a bit, and he's able to relax a little bit more._

_“Daichi...” He falls onto his knees next to him, his eyes stuck into his arm. Its twisted and purple from what Kinoshita sees, and he sputters. “Oh...oh no.. Daichi? Daichi, can you.. can you feel it, y-“_

_He looked down to Daichi’s face, and immediately stops talking, because he’s pale. So, so pale. He’s never seen that shade of white on a human. Kinoshita inhales sharply,and opens his mouth to speak but once again, the words die on his tongue._

_It smells like blood._

_He looks down, and met with the sight of Daichi’s gushing, impaled stomach._

_Instantly, he screams._

_Daichi flinches weakly as Kinoshita starts hyperventilating._

_He opens his mouth to speak, but he can't manage a single word before he starts gagging violently, the smell of blood way too prominent in the air, filling his lungs and reminding him of the horror that lays directly in front of him._

_“No-“ He gags again. “D-d-d-” He looks at the wound. He cries harder._

_His worlds still spinning. His breathing is out of control. His eye sight is fuzzy. He feels nauseous. Everything hurts._

_But his friend is hurt._

_His friend is hurt and dying._

_He looks around frantically_

_“Please-please-please-please!”_

_He spots a bag._

_Crying out in relief, he scrambles to get to it, saving himself from falling on his face and his side at one point. His reflexes seem to have almost heightened._

_He throws himself onto the bag, shaky hands search through for anything, anything that can help him. Anything._

_His hands wrap around a shirt._

_In an instant, he’s back to Daichi’s side._

_He presses the shirt to his stomach. Daichi gives a weak grunt of pain, and the white fabric instantly glows bright crimson. That only serves to upset Kinoshita more, which had seemed impossible. He sobs out at the sight, his gasps growing more erratic._

_He has no idea what to do. He has no idea what to fucking do._

_Oh my god._

_“Daichi! D-daichi! PleasePleaseNonononono Keep your eyes open!” He cries out. It’s no use. Daichi’s eyes look as their growing heavier with every passing second. He looks around._

_“H-help! Help...H-H-help....!”_

_It’s no use._

_His voice is weak._

_Daichi is slowly slipping away._

_Kinoshita looks at him._

_It’s no use._

** _it’s no use._ **

_He gives up._

_“D-Daichi..c-c-captain...thank you...for...everything..” He says softly, releasing the pressure on his stomach. His fingernails are digging into his palm._

_He wishes he could do more._

_He wishes this wasn’t happening._

_Daichi looks up weakly, his eyes fluttering with the force of it._

_For a second, they scrunch up, like they do when he smiles._

_Then, they close._

_Kinoshita stares at him._

_His hands leave Daichi’s stomach._

_They slump against his sides._

_He sits, hands bloody._

_And he stares._

_He stares at his dead friend._

“Hisashi...?”

Who is even saying that?

What’s real?

is he even alive?

How does he know he isn't dead? 

Nothing makes sense.

He has no idea what’s going on.

He can’t know what’s going on.

The only thing that he can focus on is the thought of Daichi dying right in front of him.

Over.

And over.

And over again.

“Hisashi....”

He looks up.

It’s his mother.

She’s crying.

“Baby...please...you’re really scaring us...”

He looks at her.

He wonders if her eyes were always that color.

~~~~~

“Yo! Tsukki! Wait up!”

Tsukishima looks behind him, only to see Kuroo rushing over to meet his long strides.

Great.

“Hey man.” Kuroo smiles toothily when he finally catches up. 

Tsukishima only frowns. “Were you..following me?”

Kuroo’s eyes widen in some sort of shocked manner, and his lips pull down in a frown. “What? No-I-“ He cuts himself off, and chuckles sheepishly. “Well it sounds bad when you say it like that.”

_Is it not_? Tsukishima wanted to scoff out familiarly, but honestly, it really...wasn’t.   


Whatever.

Instead, he clicks his tongue. “Okay. Let me rephrase that then. What do you want?”

“No need to be so hostile.” Kuroo chirps, then his joyful attitude falters, and he’s look at him with a sort of...concerned expression. 

He _hates_ it.

Before he can fight against it, Kuroo speaks, “Just wanted to check up. See how you’re doing, you know?”

The question catches him off guard, then without thinking, he scowls. “I’m completely fine.”

Kuroo hums. It’s a type of toned hum that makes Tsukishima feel weirdly small. “Alright. Alright.” He nods and looks away, facial expression completely serious right now. Then, he looks back, with sharp, sharp eyes.  


Something strikes into Tsukishima’s chest. His eyes widen.

”Why don’t we just...both drop...” Kuroo waves his hands in the air. “Whatever this is.” Those sharp eyes are nearly burn holes into him. 

_What do you mean?!_ He wants to growl. The tension between them is uncomfortable, and he's tempted to turn around and walk away without a word. He opens his mouth to respond, to bite back.

Nothing comes out.

"I'm sorry but i.. just can't believe you. There's no way you can be 'completely fine.'" Kuroo continues. His eyes never leave his.

Frustration builds up in him unlike anything before. Who is he to just start trying to get him to talk like this? His nails dig into his hand unintentionally, and suddenly he finds himself able to respond again. "What does it matter to you anyways?" 

Kuroo blinks. "It matters to me..cause you're my friend?"

He stops.

His nails stop digging into his hand. He can feel his expression turn to one of confusion.

Its weird, hearing someone call him a friend out loud. its almost...upsetting.

Why? Wasn't it supposed to be a good thing? 

Kuroo is looking at him expectantly.

How is he?

He's been trying to avoid thinking about...everything. I mean, whatever happened happened. its done. Why continue to ponder about it? 

Why continue to think, over and over again... about the death of his teammates..

He's been doing so good. Good at steering away from his brothers question, his mother's bouts of affection, his father's advice, Yamaguchi's stares that seemed to try and corner him. He was good at avoiding it all. 

Somehow, this is different.

He feels trapped.

His hands grow clammy. He can't swallow. He has no idea what his expression looks like, but it probably doesn't look like the usually leveled look he keeps.

"Just..." He croaks. It's embarrassing.

Just what? Just _what?_

 _"...Leave me alone._ " 

He turns and walks away. 

He doesn't look back.

~~~~~

"Ready?"

"Yeah, you?"

"Yup."

Tanaka nods, and Saeko opens the door.

Inside is a dim hospital room. There's a mousy looking boy laying in a bed, his head wrapped with bandages, and eyes looking towards a closed window.

Nishinoya. Exactly who they wanted to see. 

Tanaka smiles.

He looks much better now.

Nishinoya turns his head towards them, eyes wide, looking a bit too surprised for what was just a door opening. Then, he squints.

OH. Tanaka sends Saeko a look, and her eyes widen a bit in realization "Oh, ack!" she immediately jogs to the door, and closes it, so no more light seeps through. "Sorry!" She smiles sheepishly. Nishinoya blinks a bit, but says nothing.

The silence stretches. The atmosphere feels...stiff. Tanaka opens his mouth to say something, but he can't think of anything to say. It almost like he just....forgot how to start a conversation.

Nishinoya just stares at them. There's no greeting, there's no smiling. Tanaka even thinks he sees him trembling a bit. It's completely unlike him.

For what seemed like the millionth this week, He feels weak with sadness. 

Before the silence can engulf them completely, Saeko clears her throat, and in her gentle, big sister voice, she speaks. "Yuu?" 

Nishinoya doesn't respond. His expression doesn't change. There's no indication that he was even listening, or that he understood the question. Tanaka's eyebrows furrow. Okay. He takes it back. Nishinoya...definitely isn't better. 

It was what he was expecting before, but that doesn't mean it hurts any less.

So, what now? 

He looks at Saeko. She looks just as lost. He figures that she wouldn't really know what to do. With Noya, cheering him up was as simple as just hyping him up. it seems like she _just can't do that now._

He presses his lips together. Why is this... _hard?_ It's Nishinoya. It shouldn't have to be this hard. 

Screw it.

Taking a deep breath, he walks over to him, and sits down on the very corner of the bed. 

"Hey man." He gives him a small smile. He hopes familiarity isn't a bad thing for Noya right now.

It at least works to get his attention. Noya looks at him. Tanaka holds his breath.

Then, he waves stiffly.

Tanaka's smile grows. Okay, so everything's okay. It's still Noya. He hasn't completely forgotten his existence. Cool. 

(He ignores the fact that Nishinoya couldn't quite control his hand.)

He sees Saeko grin, and walk to over to sit on the other edge of the bed. Carefully, she places a hand onto Nishinoya's shoulder. 

He stiffens a bit, and turns to look at Saeko, and back at her hand. Before Tanaka can give her a look. (“hands...off?”), Nishinoya blinks at her, and waves at her too.

Tanaka almost jumps for joy. NOW they’re getting somewhere!

“It’s good to see you!” Saeko chirps. Nishinoya keeps the wide eyes, and says nothing.

This time, Tanaka can’t help but feel a bit uneasy. He sure is quiet...  
  
“How are you doing?” Saeko’s voice cuts through his thoughts before they grow more. They both look at him expectantly, but Nishinoya looks confused. Like he didn’t understand a word Saeko said.

Maybe he didn’t? “Oh...uh...she said, how are you doing?”

Nishinoya blinks again, and Tanaka was about to explain AGAIN, before Nishinoya’s eyes widen in realization, and he nods his head stiffly in understanding. Then, he makes a face, as if to say “Bad.” 

”Yeah. Tell me about it.” Tanaka says. already trying to ward off the images of the crash, and Nishinoya's fragile body being rushed away. 

”Ahh come on... I’m...sure everything will be okay.” Saeko tries chirping. It only causes Nishinoya to stare at her, a bit shocked, and the room goes silence once more. She keeps her cheerful demeanor, but it’s obvious she’s feeling some kind of pressure. Tanaka picks at his fingers.

What now? 

”Um-“

”A-asah-hi?”

He flinches. 

What?

His eyes meet Nishinoya’s.

He looks confused, and a bit on edge, as if he’s expecting something. It’s silent for a long, long time before Tanaka finally swallows, and opens his mouth to speak. “Uh...What...?”

Nishinoya blinks at him, then turns his head toward Saeko. She looks just as shocked, and it seems to confuse him. He opens his mouth like he wants to say something, then presses his lips together.

It's quiet again, but this time Tanaka doesn't care. The quiet is better than having Nishinoya explain just what it is that he wants to know.

_Avoid it. Just avoid it._

Is that really a good idea?

Didn't Nishinoya deserve to know? They were his teammates too.

But at the same time...

He looks at Nishinoya. He still looks confused, like he wasn't sure if he said something offensive, or maybe he just wasn't sure about what he said. Then, he mumbles out something Tanaka can't understand, and starts playing with the sheets of the hospital bed.

Tanaka turns his head to look at Saeko.

He gives her a look, and she, very hesitantly, shakes her head. 

~~~~~

Yamaguchi never thought walking would be one of the things he took for granted.

It seems like he was wrong.

It's been 4 days since he could last get up on his own. 4 days since he could last walk. He can't write, can't stretch, can't sit up without having to take a whole 2 minutes.

It's depressing. 

He hates it. He hates everything. He's bored and tired and he feels numb. 

He shifts a bit. There’s a pain within his whole body, but he just can’t seem to register it. He squirms a bit, then gives up.

He glances at the clock. It’s 3 in the afternoon.

There’s nothing to do.

He spaces off, lost in his thoughts and boredom, wishing he was out taking a walk.

Or maybe even playing volleyball.

It takes a while for him to snap out of his trance, and when he does, there’s a knocking at the door. 

“Come in.” He calls out without thinking, then freezes a bit. Yikes. He feels a bit loopy. That’s definitely a new feeling. 

Before he could ponder on it anymore, in walks the familiar, static face of tsukki. Except this time, he looks fairly grumpy.

”What.” He blurts out.

What?

Tsukki sends him a weird look, and suddenly he has to force his head clear. ”Uh—sorry I didn’t- I meant...to say what’s up.” He says. He feels a bit cross eyed. He just hopes he can hold it together. 

“Oh...nothing.” Tsukki says, eyeing him suspiciously. “Should I come back-“

”No.” Yamaguchi interrupts him, then sputters a bit in shock. He didn’t even mean to cut him off! “No, its okay. Sorry.”

Tsukki blinks, then clicks his tongue after a few seconds of silence. “Okay. Whatever you say.” 

“Yeah. What’s wrong? You look stressed.” He speaks without pause.

_Damnit! Act normal._

Tsukki doesn’t seem to pay any mind to how weirdly he was speaking, because he scoffs and changes the subject. "i just came to tell you Hinata is okay. He was kind of freaking out so he might visit."

"Oh....yeah..." Yamaguchi says, then forces his mind clear again. "That's....good. Thanks Tsukki."

Tsukki stares at him. "Uh...you're welcome...."

Ok. He's acting weird. Not to mention he looks all mad. "Hey...What happened?"

He looks away.

"Tsukki~."

No answer. 

"TSUKKI!"

He groans. "Seriously?"

"You can't just come in all mean and not say anything."

Tsukki's eyebrows furrow, and he looks at him more confused than he's ever looked. "Uhhh...."

Yamaguchi huffs.

What is he so confused about?

~~~~~

"You can't just calm in on meon and say anything..."

Yup. Yamaguchi's high. 

He blinks at him, but Yamaguchi looks as determined as ever, despite looking 2 seconds away from falling asleep mid sentence.

Tsukishima looks down at his caged legs, and back up at his arm. 

They must have him on some strong pain medicine if he's this loopy.

its actually kind of....

"Yukki? Whats wrong with you....All i said was don't come in mean."

He laughs.

"Huh!?" It was Yamaguchi's turn to look confused, and the expression on his face was just too much. All tsukishima can do is shove his hand over his mouth and wait until he can speak without laughing. 

"Y-Yamaguchi." He said after a few seconds.

"What."

"Shut up."

Yamaguchi looked at him, puzzled. "Uhh...Sorry Zukki."

~~~~~

"Oof!"

Having one eye was hard. 

"Take my hand!" 

Holding back whimpers from the shock of pain that was caused by running into the wall, Hinata tries his best to smile at Natsu, and takes her little hand.

"Okay... lead the way then."

"Ok! Left! Left! LEFT RIGHT LEFT!"

"OW!"

"Nii-san?! I didn't mean it literally! It was just a song!"

"You should ha-"

He stops. 

he can hear Natsu still singing in the background, but he's focused on something else.

The door.

"Uh, Nii-san?"

"...Natsu, you go on ahead okay? i'll be right there."

There's a distant "Okay fineeeee." and the pitter patter of of tiny feet running off, and Hinata's alone again.

He stares at the number on the door.

Its familiar. He thinks Kiyoko might have mentioned it.

Without thinking, his hand raises, and he knocks on the door.

There's no response.

He knocks again.

"...Kageyama?"

Still no answer.

He inhales sharply, disappointment filling his entire body. So everyone was right. Kageyama isn't answering.

Is he really not there? 

Or is he avoiding everyone.

Or is he...

"Kageyama you-" His voice cracks, and he clears his throat. God... He can't. 

"You promised you-" 

He stops, taking a deep breath and closing his good eye to try and just _calm down_.

_Give it up._

"Okay.." he whispers to himself, and he takes one last look at the door.

_Kageyama.._

He turns around, pressing his lips together to try and control all the emotions threatening to spill out in an instant, and goes to walk away, head bowed.

Kiyoko was right. Something's going on with Kageyama. Something he can't-

"Wait." 

He jumps slightly at the sudden call. _That voice!_ It was muffled, but Hinata could recognize it in an instant.

He turns back around, smiling. "Kageyama!"

So he's okay...

Without thinking, he opens the door.

Inside is the same pale, white room he was in just a few hours ago, this time though, its Kageyama laying on the bed. He looks supremely embarrassed, so much though he doesn't even greet Hinata. But thats okay. Hinata could do the talking for the both of them.

"You...you..."

Slowly, Kageyama looks up, his eyes keep shifting, never quite meeting his.

Last time Hinata saw him, he was soaked in his own blood, bruised and dazed and _hurt._

Now, he looks okay.

He's okay.

"...YOU STUPID FUCKING BUTTHEAD!"

"HUH?!"

Hinata can feel himself _trembling_ with anger, his stomach burns, his face burns, his palms get sweaty with the sheer FORCE of it. 

"Ohhh my god... _oh my god..._ i've never been so angry in my _entire life...."_

"W-wait a second! What’s wrong with you, idiot?!" Kageyama snaps back. 

"No. No this can't be." Never. Never in his life. Not even that time Kageyama and him physically fought. "You-you can't seriously be asking that question."

He starts limping around the room, one palm swinging back and forth to try and dry off. "Oh my god...oh my god..."

"STUPID! What are you talk-"

"Shut up! Just shut up! Now you wanna talk?! No, No, you GIVE me a minute. I'm-i'm-i'm SO angry i can barely speak!"

Kageyama seems to get the hint, because he finally shuts his fat mouth, and Hinata has to stop himself from either screaming or sobbing right at that moment. He's just so. so. so. so. ANGRY. Here lies Kageyama, no complications, no anything. And he was avoiding them?! What part of this situation calls for avoidance?!

"Oooo....ooooh my god....." 

He took a deep breath. 

In and out. In and out.

His breathing stutters, and he feels the anger nearly come out of his _mouth_ from how mad he was. His stomach feels like a volcano about to erupt.

After a few seconds, he speaks. "Explain...yourself..."

Kageyama watches him wide eyed. "I...I..."

AARRRGHHHH!

"I'm leaving." 

He opens the door, anger still bubbling deep inside of him. It turns out ignoring things is easier when your angry, and he blocks out Kageyama’s frustrated calls and looks forward.

He immediately freezes.

Its Ukai. Ukai is walking outside their door.

"Dumbass! i was...wait...uh. What-“

"Shut up for a second...it’s Coach Ukai!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god no wait not coach ukai oh god oh fu
> 
> anyway i wasnt gonna stop there but i thought the story should end with a cliffhanger. it had a nice ring to it :(
> 
> Ok so I know it’s a bit sudden how Kageyama just let Hinata in but like...all will be explained next chapter 
> 
> edit: OKAY THE KAGEYAMA THING MIGHT BE A BIT CONFUSING BUT IM TRYING MY BEST TO CLEAR IT UP THIS CHAPTER AND NEXT CHAPTER. 
> 
> Sigh. This is what happens when you don’t update for a month. Your thoughts get all jumbled. 
> 
> Also WOW this story took a complete 180 of how I planned it out. Originally, kuroo and tsukki visited Suga and Suga like..broke down in front of them, buttttt I figured I could use that...someplace else 
> 
> ITS LITERALLY SEPTEMBER 30TH IM WRITING THIS IN THE MIDDLE OF HISTORY CLASS IM GONNA CRY.
> 
> But. but. i promise. chapters will return to normal. i literally promise so so so so so much. i am selling my soul as we speak.
> 
> thanks for reading babies!!! and...sticking with this story.
> 
> see you soon!!!


	8. Ignorance is bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ignorance is bliss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you all so very much for all your comments and support on the last chapter! it really meant a lot to me, im glad you guys are still interested in this story.
> 
> Just a quick note before you guys start reading, i went back and changed some inconsistencies in some of the first chapters. nothing too bad you have to go and re-read everything, but i did change things like some spelling errors, some dialogue (to fit the characters more) and things like "Nee-san" and "Nii-san" cause apparently i was doing it wrong, and i apologise for that :(.
> 
> Okay, and i'm writing this before this chapter is even written, but i already know it's gonna be a long chapter, so i'm sorry for the little wait ya'll had to go through 
> 
> EDIT: yeah..... not a little wait.... sorry about that!!! i really need to get back into the groove of things. this moving thing has also been super hard. smh.
> 
> IMPORTANT: please read end notes :( 
> 
> anyways, enjoy!!

Kageyama is scared.

He hates it. He hates admitting it to himself. He hates everything going on. He hates it, he hates it, _he hates it._

And he avoided everyone because of it. 

Was it a good idea? Who knows. He didn't think about that. All he knew was that facing his teammates was something he _couldn't do._ Not right now. Not after everything that happened to them. Thinking about facing them made him panic in a way he couldn't deal with.

So why did he do it? Why did he let Hinata in?

Was it because of the promise he made? The promise to not leave him?

He didn't like the way Hinata's voice cracked when he mentioned it. 

Somehow, it was different. Avoiding Kiyoko and Tanaka and Tsukishima was...easier.

Avoiding Hinata was not.

Why? 

He doesn't know.

And without thinking, he called out for him. 

...which he's starting to regret. 

He expected awkwardness, maybe even something tiringly somber because it was Hinata.

What he DIDN'T expect was full blown anger.

Hinata's paces around the room, mumbling wildly to himself, red faced and breathing heavily, and all Kageyama could do was just stutter out in shock.

What the _hell_ was happening?

Suddenly, Hinata finally speaks, and Kageyama could almost feel the anger radiating off his words. "Explain....yourself...."

The question caught him off guard. _Explain himself?_

 _"_ I-I" 

How does he even begin to explain? He didn’t even realize just how bad avoiding them all of them could have been. It was just something he wasn’t thinking about, he was driven by his panic. 

So now what? How does he just...explain?

The answers simple: He can’t.

Hinata seems to realize it too, and it’s the final push he needs to finally set him off. His hand goes to cover his mouth, almost like he was stopping himself from yelling out profanities, and he turns around, aggressively opening the door “I’m leaving.”

...

”What?! So you just- You came here _just_ to-“

There’s no indication that Hinata’s listening, probably because he isn’t, and Kageyama groans. What now? If this were a movie, now would probably be the time for Kageyama to blurt something really surprising and dramatic. But what would that be? 

"Dumbass! i was...wait...” He trails off, because Hinata’s already frozen at the doorway. “...Uh. What-“

"Shut up for a second...” Hinata yelps, and Kageyama glares at him, opening his mouth to fight back, but before he can do that, Hinata stammers out “It’s Coach Ukai!” 

“Wha...HUH?” But that’s _impossible._ Last time Kageyama saw Coach Ukai, he looked minutes away from dying. There’s no way he’s up and walking around. "You can't mean-"

"Shut up! Shut up Kageyama!"

"You shut up, dumbass! Explain to me how it is that Coach Ukai-"

"Are you really that dumb? I me-"

"Boys."

Kageyama's head whips to the door as fast as it can, as did Hinata's and there, leaning against the door frame, is Coach Ukai. 

Well, at least Coach Ukai Sr. 

"S-sir!" He hears Hinata sputter. "What...What are you..."

Ukai frowns. "I hope you're not about to ask me what i'm doing here."

"Uh..." He looks a bit cornered, and Kageyama snickers at him, not missing a chance to get back at him for screaming. It seems to set Hinata off for a second (How can he be so expressive with half his face covered up?) but he composes himself quickly, and says. "Of course I wasn't...i was gonna ask what your...doing _around_ here...you know..."

Ukai's hand goes to scratch the back of his head, and suddenly, Kageyama notices how tired he looks. It seems that the only thing everyone can be now. "Just needed to walk around, clear my head, you know?"

"Yeah...I get it..." Hinata says. He looks exceedingly impatient, and it doesn't take much for Kageyama to realize it's because he wants to know about Coach Ukai.

...Oh no.

 _"_ Wait-!"

"Ukai Sr! Please, How is he?! Coach Ukai, I mean! No one's been able to visit him these past days and were all really _really_ scared because we haven't heard-"

"I-idiot!” Kageyama growls out, heart beating out of his chest. What the _hell_ was he doing? Doesn't he understand that he can't just ask that? It's like he's just _begging_ for some bad news. ”Will you just shut up already! Use your brain. It’s obvious somethings not right!”

”Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up! Even if somethings not right it’s better then-“

”Boys!” Ukai Sr’s voice cuts through their rambling. It’s sharp, and familiarly authoritative, and both him and Hinata shut their mouths with a click and turn to stare at him, tails between their legs. Ukai only glares at them, and sighs, rubbing his temples. “Will you both quiet down? I’ll tell you.” 

...

Wait, no! This isn’t what he wants! He looks up at the door, and back at his foot. He can’t get up, can’t leave on his own. He’s, quite literally, trapped. And he couldn’t even explain to Hinata why it was that he was avoiding everything, how could he explain it to Ukai Sr?

There really isn’t a way out of this.

His fears are about to be confirmed. Their coach is _dead,_ he already knows. He knows and he hates it and he wants _out of here._

But Ukai looks at them, eyebrows raised and arms crossed. He almost looks...

Kageyama's working hand twitches as he holds back the urge to cover his ears. He doesn't like that. He really _really_ doesn't like that. He turns his head towards Hinata, trying desperately to get his attention so he could just _stop,_ but Hinata continues to look towards Ukai, that stupid determined expression plastered over his face and Kageyama wants to just cover his mouth to stop him from talking.

“Well,”Ukai sighs, crossing his arms.

_No. No, just shut up. Shut up. Stop._

_“_ He’s not really doing...so well.”

And just like that, they knew.

He blinks at Ukai. 

_Not doing so well?_ What the hell is that supposed to mean?! He shuts his eyes. That's awfully vague, and he doesn't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but what he does know is that he doesn't want to hear anything else and-

"He's stable for now but...he's not out of the woods." 

The room goes silent.

_...stable?_

Kageyama turns to look at Hinata, who looks just as confused and scared. 

Ukai raises an eyebrow. "Cat got your tongue?" it was something so casual, it snaps both of them out of whatever trance they were stuck in upon hearing about ukai's condition.

"F-for now?" Hinata says softly. "What do you...mean?" 

Great.

"What's wrong with him?" Hinata keeps going, and Kageyama just wants to scream at him to give it up for his sake. Mo one seems to notice his discomfort, and Ukai keeps going, much to his annoyance. 

"Too much." Silence. "He flatlined. Three times. and...they had to put him in a coma. For now." 

At that, Kageyama swore his heart stopped. His entire body burned with shock, and he was frozen, unable to speak.

_Flatlined._

Hinata's the first to react, and he gasps softly, his one visible eye already dripping with tears. "N-No..." He says weakly, his whole face red with the sheer surprise of it all. "No you..." 

Ukai looks at them, expression unreadable but It's obvious he has nothing else to say.

At that, Hinata breaks. He whimpers, and covers his face.

Kageyama says nothing.

He knew it. 

He knew it.

That doesn't mean he wanted to hear it.

So now what?

He looks at Ukai. who looks completely drained, exhausted.

And at Hinata, whose sobbing steadily into his hands. 

He looks at his own hands. They're shaking 

He wishes he never called out for him.

~~~~~

Tsukishima hates hospitals.

Limping through an empty, bright hallway in a cold hospital after visiting his bed ridden, injured best friend is a situation he never thought he’d get himself into. It holds some sort of foreign feeling. Some kind of feeling he can’t chase for too long because it proves to be too overwhelming. 

He shakes his head. He hates it here. It’s...depressing. It makes him feel cold and grey. Just like when he found out his brother had been lying to him. The days after had been so slow, so confusing. It’s the same exact feeling he gets when he walks through the hallway leading to the hospital waiting room. 

Sighing to himself, he pushes back any anxious feelings. He needs to stop being so lame about this. It’s just a hospital. There’s nothing to be so weird about. 

He walks into the waiting room, clenching his teeth at the deep, aching pain in his thigh. God, that hurts. 

He doesn’t like to think about it, though.

He plans to keep his head down. To avoid anyone and anything. To get out of here as quickly as possible. Somehow though, like everything that has happened these past few days, it doesn't go as planned, and suddenly he finds himself frozen, face to face with the last person he wanted to see.

Kuroo.

The tension is incredible, it almost roots him in place, and suddenly those feelings he so successfully pushed away resurface, but this time, there's something new.

Guilt?

Kuroo only wanted to help, right?

He feels...Guilty. It’s strange and he feels….Small. and it doesn't help that kuroos looking at him with sharp, cornering eyes.

"Look i-"

"It's fine."

... "W-what?" Tsukishima says, eyebrows furrowed and eyes wide. Kuroo doesn't seem to take note of his surprise, because he shrugs nonchalantly. "I said it's fine. You don't have to explain yourself. I get it."

Tsukishima blinks at him, because he's honestly quite confused. _What is this?_ Why was Kuroo being so...weird? And understanding? He shifts from one foot to another, unsure of what to do now. Kuroo’s still looking at him with those cornering eyes, and he looks away.

"...Whatever." He finally ends up saying, internally cringing a bit, but what else was he supposed to say? This situations dumb, and he just wants it to be over

Kuroo crosses his arms, looking amused, and suddenly, Tsukishima's annoyed again. He rolls his eyes. “Oh, _what do you want.”_

”I didn’t even say anything!” Kuroo yelps, then looks at him a bit sheepishly “Actually, have you by any chance seen Kenma around here?”

”Kenma?” The setter with that awful hair job? “No I haven’t, why do you ask?” 

“He told me to meet him here because he finished visiting Hinata, so I’ve just been waiting for him.” Kuroo says, then chuckles a bit darkly. “And it’s not like I had anything to do.”

He doesnt have to say anything, Tsukishima knows.

But before he can say anything, someone behind him calls out Kuroo’s name. They both turn to look at them. It’s the setter with the awful hair, and he seems to look more depressed then usual, which Tsukishima’s finds a bit surprising, considering he thought he had already reached his peak.

“Uh...Are you-“ He mumbles awkwardly, and Kuroo nods. 

“Yeah. I’m good. C’mon, let’s go.” Kuroo says in his usual upbeat tone, very unlike what he was just like a few seconds ago. Tsukishima looks up at him, and for a brief moment, they meet eyes. 

Kuroo pats a hand on his back and smiles. It doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I hope everything turns out okay for you and your team.” 

And he turns around, Kenma at his side, and leaves, leaving Tsukishima feeling even stranger than before. Heavy, grey.

Regretful.

~~~~~

“Kuroo.”   
  
Kuroo turns to look at Kenna, who's walking at his side, eyes glued to the ground. His shoulders slump down as though he’s despondent. “Can you...believe it?” 

“No.” He honestly can’t.

”I feel... _Bad_ for them.”

”Yeah, they really...” And he stops, because he doesn’t know what else to say.

Kenma, of course, seems to understand anyways, and he nods. Then, he asks. “How were your visits with Tsukishima?”

”Non existent.” Kuroo puts his hands behind his head. “He got all angsty on me and left.”

”Angsty...”

”I don’t blame him, though. I’d probably be just as fed up if I was in his position.”

”Probably.” Kenma says, then looks up at him. “So you didn’t see anyone?”

”I tried visiting Daichi.”

At that Kenma freezes a bit. “You...couldn’t.”

Kuroo can’t help but feel that empty feeling in his chest again. “No, I couldn’t.”

Kenma looks to the floor again. “...I know you guys were friends so....I’m sorry...”

It’s funny, and it’s cliche, but it seems just like yesterday Kuroo had shaken Daichi’s hand before those practice matches. How all the captains came together during that barbecue and imitated each others teams jokingly. Daichi had laughed the hardest, right after Bokuto had gotten depressed over them making fun of his mood swings. 

It feels unreal, that someone he was friends with is...

”It’s fine...I..Somehow I _knew,_ you know? I went up to the desk and I just got this _feeling.”  
_

Apparently, that surprises Kenma. “Really?”

He nods, then sighs and shakes his head. “Probably shouldn’t have mentioned him in front of Hinata. Was he okay?”

Kenma cringes slightly, something only Kuroo can spot. It’s like he’s remembering something he doesn’t want to remember, then he shrugs. “He was a little sad at first, but he was okay.”

Hmm. “Okay.” Kuroo says. Something feels wrong about that, but he ignores it. "And are you?"

"Am i what?"

"Okay?"

Kemna looks up at him again. This time he looks conflicted. "Um....Yeah. I am. It's not me that got into the crash."

"But you were really scared...so...do you feel better?"

Kenma stares at him for a second, before nodding. "Yeah, i'm okay." and he looks away.

He doesn't meet his eye for the rest of the walk.

~~~~~

Oikawa stands quietly on the subway. The hospital isn't that far away. its about a 20 minute commune from Aoba Josai to there, but it feels like hes been on that dead silent subway car forever. He's lost in the middle of his thoughts, looking at the floor with his eyebrow's furrowed.

_6 dead..._

"Will you say something?"

He turns to look at Hajime. He stares at him with that same, unamused look he gives him whenever he knows something up, or he’s being somewhat of a brat. He clicks his tongue. “Iwa-Chan, you know it’s rude to talk in a subway! People might be trying to sleep!” 

Hajime glares at him. "That never seemed to stop you before." 

Oops. Oikawa sticks out his tongue. Guess he got caught red handed. "It's nothing. I'm just thinking."

"That's never a good sign."

He glares back at him. Ouch. "So mean..." 

Hajime chuckles, then his expression turns into something more serious. "...Are you worried?" 

"No." He says, but Hajime balls up his fist like he's about to punch him, and that makes him squeak. He's _scary._ "Okay okay!" He takes a second. Yes, that much is obvious. He's really worried. He crosses his arms, and shrugs. "..Yeah. i mean, if 6 people didn't make it... I don't know, i'm just a bit nervous to find out who...You know?" 

"Yeah. i know." 

And that's the end of it until they finally arrive at the hospital and walk to the front desk of the trauma center.

There's a pretty, young girl working at the desk. She looks up at them with a big, polite smile. "Hi there! How can i help you!" 

For a second, Oikawa almost blurts out something stupid and flirty in the midst of his nervousness, but thankfully, hajime steps in. "Hello. we're here to see karasuno."

The pretty girl nods and looks down at her computer, her acrylics tapping on the keyboard as she typed. "Karasuno...The...crash kids, right?' 

"Y-yeah.." Oikawa says, mentally hitting himself. Why is he stuttering? 

_Get a hold of yourself! You're a captain aren't you? You should be more confident!_

Before he could speak up, the girl beat him to it. "Yes, alright, there are a few you're able to visit, but i believe...there are also a few who you can't... and that would be..." She trailed off, squinting at the screen and tapping her fingers on her desk. "Aha. Nishinoya Yuu, Ukai Keishin, and Kinoshita Hisashi. Everyone else in this unit you can see."

"Oh.. okay...Um...okay...so." Oh for crying out loud. He's making a fool of himself. Hajime seems to be on a roll today however, what a relief, because he interrupts his stammering. 

“We’re sorry. We just..we don’t want to say a name and for it to not...” He trails off, but the pretty receptionist seems to understand, she sends them a sad look.

”Oh...I see...” Suddenly, her expression of sadness turns to one of determination, and she goes back to looking down at her computer, typing away. She doesn’t look up when she asks “How old are you guys?”

They look at each other. “Eighteen.” 

The receptionist nods and continues typing away, then after a short pause she looks up, smiling. “Okay, there’s a girl named Kiyoko Shimizu, but let’s see...ah, she got released two days ago. My apologizes...Let’s see...Sugawara Koushi...”

Oikawa perks up. “Refreshing-kun?” 

She smiles. “Room 1161.”

Oikawa smiles. “Thank you! Hey, do you think I could get your-“

His sentence ends with a yelp as Hajime tugs him at the arm and drags him away.

~~~~~

“Iwa-Chan you can’t just-“

“I will.”

”You _can’t."_

_"I will."_

"But i'm a little scared iwa-chan! I'm _frightened_." Oikawa tries his best to look as tiny and helpless as possible, then he glares at hajime. " _Don't_ leave me."

Hajime only glares right back (God he's scary...) "Then don't be. i have my own stuff to do. Let me be."

He curls onto himself, "Hnnghhh....You're so rude..." Then he straightens up. "Wait, what did you just say?" 

His _own_ stuff to do? 

"What kind of other stuff-" His question is cut off when Hajime opens the door and pushes him inside. Oikawa stumbles into the room. Furious, he turns back to curse at Hajime, but he's already walking away.

Well, shit. 

He looks into the room, and there lies Sugawara "Refreshing-kun" Koushi, staring at him in shock.

"Sorry. Iwa-chan shoved me in here." He chuckles a bit nervously, regaining his posture and flashing his most charming smile.

Suga continues looking at him, then after a long, agonizing second, he smiles as though he's laughing, and points to a nearby notebook that sits on a desk. 

Phew. He quickly retrieves it and hands it to him. Suga takes it and opens it to a blank page, and he starts to write.

Oikawa takes the moment he has while Suga writes to observe his condition.

He has some type of bandage covering his neck, and a tube through his nose that connects to an oxygen tank. His left arm is in a sling and his jaw is bruised and looks a bit odd. The rest of his face and body is full of nasty bruises and cuts as well. 

He swallows. Seeing him hurt like this... is _saddening,_ to say the least. it leaves him with a heavy feeling.

Before he can wallow in any more sympathy, Suga holds up his notebook. ‘Hi Oikawa! It’s nice to see you!’

He smiles. “It’s nice to see you too! You look as dashing as always." He winks. Suga glares at him. 

'I don't know what your planning, but flattery will get you nowhere.'

"I'm not planning anything!" Oikawa whines, then he takes a seat on the edge of the bed and blinks innocently at Suga. "Our coach told us what happened, and I just had to visit our favorite rivals! Also we may or may not have come to also help you guys re-organize everything. except it seems like we can’t exactly plan anything with your coach right now, but we’ll still try to do whatever we can.”

At that, Suga seems to beam, and he quickly writes in his notebook and shows it to him. ‘Thank you so much!’

“Ahhh It’s no problem.” Oikawa chuckles, then says a bit more seriously. “We want to help you guys in any way we can.”

Suga blushes under his gaze. How cute! ‘I really appreciate it, and I’m sure everyone else will too.’ He writes after a minute, and Oikawa waves him off. 

"Just doing what we can. Hey, how are you? I mean, obviously you're not _great,_ but... How are you feeling?" 

Suga furrows his eyebrows, and looks to to the side before quickly scribbling on his notebook. 'I don't even know. They have me high on so many drugs right now i can't even remember if its morning or night or anything."

"I'd say it's about afternoon, looking out at the window that's to your right. Look if you just turn a little bit..."

'Very funny. Have you forgotten your comprehension skills? I even forgot there was a window there.' Suga glares at him, and that pulls a laugh out of him. It seems like no matter how bad the situation, Suga still manages to stay "refreshing."

"How can you? It's the only bit of nice light in this dreadful room."

'Tell me about it. Is it weird i hold a unusual hatred for the floor?'

"I think i would hate it just as much. Maybe even more. You know how i am."

'I absolutely do. I can't even begin to imagine the struggle the nurses would have go through with your whining.'

"i'm not THAT cruel!" Oikawa crosses his arms. "I just have a taste for the finer things. I mean, they could at least turn the channel to a volleyball match or something."

Suga rolls his eyes and smacks his arm with the pen before writing. 'Idiot. I can do that myself. I just don't want to."

Oh.

"Oh..." It all clicks together. _Of course._ He nods slowly, looking down. He suddenly feels more gloomy. "Right, yeah, i can see... why you wouldn't want to." 

A few seconds pass. There's no movement on Suga's side, no sound of pen scratching on paper.

The atmosphere around them isn't uncomfortable, but its.... heavy.

Oikawa down at Suga. 

His lips are turned downward, his eyebrows furrowed. He seems to be deep in thought. 

Then, he picks up the pen, and starts to write. Oikawa keeps an eye on the page, but it only takes him a few seconds to realize he's not writing anything. In fact, he's drawing something.

A volleyball.

”Suga...How are you?”

Suga stops scratching at the volleyball, and, as expected, he looks at him, head tilted quizzically. Then, instead of writing, he points at Oikawa, at himself, and makes a swirling motion with his finger. Ah.

”No, no. You misunderstand,” Oikawa says softly. Suga looks at him, eyes wide and curious, and he stares. “How are you... _really?"_

He blinks, then, suddenly, his expression darkens, and for a second he looks so depressed, Oikawa's heart skips a beat. 

'I don't really know what i'm gonna do now.' he writes slowly, and _oh,_ that’s heartbreaking.

“...No worries Suga. Everything will work itself out in its own time. I promise.”

Suga freezes for a second, then writes.

'You shouldn't make promises you can't keep.'

That shocks Oikawa. Genuinely shocks him. 

_Promises he can't keep..._

What does that mean...?

"I-i mean, it might take some time, but it will! I'm not making empty promises." He says, feeling a bit flustered. _Pull it together!_

He locks eyes with Suga's, and Oikawa gives him a soft frown. 'Suga....You know it'll be okay, right?"

For a long time, they look at eachother.

Then Suga _smiles,_ softly _,_ and shakes his head. He places the tip of his pen on the notepad. For a few seconds, it just stays there. There's no movement, It doesn't move to write. 

The pen trembles against the paper, and it falls out of Suga's too loose grip, rolling down the side of the notebook and falling into the sheets of the bed.

Oikawa perks up to look at him, but Suga's no longer meeting his eyes. He's looking down, eyes locked on the notebook. 

He's crying.

Without a second thought, Oikawa leans in and gently wraps his arms around him.

Suga’s shaking. He’s stiff against his hold for a few seconds. 

Then, he slumps up against Oikawa’s chest, putting all his weight onto him like he hasn’t had a single day to let go. It’s not just his physical weight too, Oikawa can tell. It’s his emotional weight. It’s the weight of everything that has happened these past few days, and it breaks Oikawa’s heart.

He can feel his shirt getting damp with tears and snot, but that hardly matters, because Suga is so obviously breaking down that all Oikawa is focused on softly pressing his head against his shoulder, and giving his all his silent support.

He rubs Suga's back, and looks out the window.

It’s going to get dark soon.

~~~~~

Iwaizumi's silent. 

For a moment, they stare at eachother.

Iwaizumi at Kageyama.

Kageyama at Iwaizumi.

Then, Iwaizumi crosses his arm and raises his eyebrow. "You really don't think before you do things huh."

Kageyama growls. “I already told you I knew it was a dumb decision.”

”Then _why_ did you do it?”

”I don’t know! I wasn’t really thinking at the time.” He crosses his arms and looks away, scowling.

It’s funny. Kageyama isn’t really the type to ask for help on these kinds of things. Never did. That’s why it came as such a shock when Iwaizumi had woken up this morning to a text from him, asking him if he could stop by his hospital room. And out of all the things Iwaizumi thought it could be, this definitely wasn’t what he imagined.

They stare at each other for a few seconds before Kageyama shifts uncomfortably. “Stop looking at me like that and just tell me how bad I screwed up already!”

”Honestly? I’d be mad too if I were them.”

Kageyama huffs angrily, and Iwaizumi can immediately tell that’s Kageyama code for “Just tell me what to do already.”

”I know this might be mind blowing, but have you considered just....talking to them and apologizing?”

Kageyama’s face goes red and he sputters. “I...You...I’m not stupid!”

”You don’t want to do it huh.” 

“It’s not that.”

”You _can’t_ do it.” Okay, he sees what’s going on here.

”...No.”

Iwaizumi taps his finger against his folded arms. “You know, this is a really complicated situation you guys are in.”

”...I know that.” Kageyama looks more uncomfortable than usual. Probably thinking about the severity of the situation. 

"It's not any situation."

"Yeah."

"Do you think they're not gonna want to talk to you?" 

"Yes."

Iwaizumi hums. "i think you're wrong." 

Kageyama perks up to look at him. "Why do you say that?" 

"Well," He starts. "I just said this is a difficult situation right? You guys need to stick together. You might have done the opposite of that, but because of it, i don't think it'll take much for them to forgive you. And they'll understand. It's not everyday you get in a crash, of course you won't know how to react. It doesn't mean that what you did was the smartest decision, because it definitely wasn't, but you're allowed to not know what to do. It's fine."

For a second, Kageyama stares at him wide eyed, as if he wasn’t expecting to hear that it was _ok_ to be confused. Then he scoffs. “It can’t be that simple.”

”Maybe not, but it won’t hurt to try.”

Kageyama’s eyes flicker up to him.

Then, he smiles.

It’s strange though.

it doesn’t sit right with him.

~~~~~

It’s getting dark.

It’s getting dark, and there was nothing Tendou wanted to do less than play volleyball. So naturally, he isn’t. Instead, he’s on his phone, playing Angry Birds, of all things, while shoes squeak against hard floor, and balls thump against the wall.

He sighs and leans back against the bleachers he sits in, staring out the window. It’s dark. He’s been in this school too long today. He wants to go _home,_ play some video games that isn't some stupid bird launching thing.

After randomly launching birds with no aim out of boredom, he clicks off and clicks on the news app. Anything, _anything_ is better than those stupid, stupid green pigs and their stupid teeth and-

Oh.

Now this is interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow what a ride :/.  
> poor suga...
> 
> also!!! important!! i know i said last chapter i would try updating every week, but as you can see, this chapter took a month as well. As you know im moving, and as the date comes closer (which is literally next week) i get busier and busier. I mean I’m literally sleeping on a slice of bread right now, and I have like 2 outfits I can wear cause the rest I’d packed up.  
> I'll try my best to get back on schedule, but dont worry, im going to finish this story <3
> 
> Just a fun thing to mention: if you ever see Kageyama think things like “if this were a movie-“, I just think it’s the most awkward thing a person use as a decision making aid and as we all know, Kageyama needs all the awkward help his awkward self can get.
> 
> what do YOU guys think? let me know in the comments!!


	9. Nimbostratus- 1st years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How are we doing?
> 
> How are we doing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI!!! Okay so look. 
> 
> IM SORRY FOR THE REALLY SHORT CHAPTER! 
> 
> The plan for the next 2 chapters are to break them up into the years and how the surviving teammates are doing, so this is why these kind of chapters are probably going to be shorter (and may take shorter time) so ye 
> 
> Enjoy !!

It’s a bit too cold to be October.

Kageyama sits in the passenger side of his mother’s car. He looks out the window, trying to ignore the slight bumps the car gives with each turn of the wheel. The glass is covered in a thin sheet of fog, so nothing is really visible from where he’s looking out of, but that’s fine. It’s better than looking forward at the road.

Its been almost a week since he had been released from the hospital, and the days in between have been hell for him. It was cold, rainy, cloudy. There was no sun, no anything.

Very unlike the day they won against Shiratorizawa, but he supposes that makes sense.

In those few, torturous in between days, the weather depressed him more then he already was. Worst of all, he was stuck on his bed, laying down and resting almost all day. It left him alone with his thoughts, and more often then not, he found himself wishing he weren’t alone.

Now, for the first time in a 8 days, he’s going to school.

He’s...scared. _Really_ scared. He doesn’t think he can deal with all the questions and looks people are going to give him. Not at all. 

He doesn’t know how he’s going to muster up the nerve to go and talk to Hinata.

Kageyama swallows at bitter reminder. They’re still not talking. Hinata made it very clear when he left Kageyama’s room crying that he shouldn’t dare try to talk to him, that Kageyama had to leave him alone until he “realized how stupid he was being.” 

Honestly? Kageyama couldn’t blame him. 

After his talk with Iwaizumi, he realized just how much he WASN’T thinking. Once he put himself into Hinata’s shoes, that was all it took to realize how badly he actually messed up in this current situation. 

Kageyama shakes his head, scrunching his eyes shut and ignoring the slight pain in his nose as it scrunched up as well. This isn’t really something he wants to think about right now.

The ride there is short. Kageyama’s house is near the school, and usually, he walks, but with his broken foot and ankle, it isn’t the smartest idea, but  god,  Kageyama would do anything to get out of this stuffy car. His skin tingles with anxiety, and he shakes his head at himself. It’s ridiculous. Just because he had one bad experience doesn’t mean every experience is going to be the same. He’s almost there anyways.

That doesn’t make the rest of the ride any easier.

When they finally, _finally _ arrive, Kageyama has to plead to his mom to not help him inside, that he can walk by himself. She doesn’t budge, and It takes nearly 5 minutes to finally convince her, and another five to get somewhat near the school, where he knows Hinata usually parks his bike at and waits for class to start. 

The entire time Kageyama limps to where Hinata supposedly is, he has to fight to try and control his anxiety. It’s overwhelming, makes him stop and forces him to take deep breaths in the middle of the walkway.

Somehow, though, he pushes himself to keep going, and eventually, he finds himself around the corner of the entrance to the gym where Hinata and him usually met before all this mess happened.

Taking a deep breath to himself. He puts one foot in front of the other, and hesitates. Ok. He’s here. He’s here, and Hinata is just around the corner.   
  
So why isn’t he moving? He swallows, and leans back against the brick wall. He’s...nervous. Just a little bit. And he feels shameful. Admitting he’s wrong isn’t something he really likes to do. He growls, his cheeks turning red. Fuck. This is a lot harder than he thought. He balls his good hand, and scrunches his eyes closed. He just has to do it. The quicker he gets this over with, the quicker this whole situation can end, the quicker the knot in his chest can go away, the quicker-

He stops.

He hears something. Breathing. Heavy breathing. Shaky breathing. He stiffens, everything running in his mind stopping all at once to focus on what he’s hearing.

He hears a sniffle.

Then, crying.

Its Hinata. 

_Holy shit. Fuck. No. No._

He’s crying, he’s crying because something’s wrong, but what’s wrong? Is he hurt again? Did something happen? Did someone else die? What’sgoingonSomeonediedsomethinghap-

Kageyama can’t take it. He turns to leave. Whatever it is, he doesn’t want to know. He doesn’t want to know.

...He’ll just avoid it again. 

He’ll avoid it just like he avoided his surviving teammates.

Just like he avoided Hinata. 

Avoid it until it somehow gets better.

What bullshit.

Suddenly, Kageyama finds himself going against himself, staggering toward Hinata without a second thought. It only takes a few steps before Kageyama spots him, and when he does, it’s almost like a slap to the face.

Hinata’s back is against the door, his healthy arm is cupping his injured eye as though it hurts, and his shallow breathing forces his body to hitch. He looks like he’s in pain.

But he’s also crying. He’s crying and he can’t help it. And that hurts Kageyama.

Again, without thinking, he calls out to him. 

Just like in the hospital.

Hinata jumps and look up. His face is twisted in pain and what looks like to be panic, but not at Kageyama...At something else.

Pushing away his own fear and anxiety, He stumbles over to Hinata and slides down next to him. The entire time, he’s eyes don’t leave Hinata’s. Then, as he takes a seat next to him, he looks down, unable to keep the eye contact. 

He just hopes he’s doing the right thing.

Kageyama has never been good with comforting anyone. Usually, he just leaves it someone else, or he (selfishly) tries to change the subject as quickly as he can. This is different though. He _can’t_ do that. He can’t. This is Hinata. He needs to do something. Even if it’s just a little. Even if he’s unsure. 

So with his expectations for himself high, he takes a deep breath, and—

“Hey...Dumbass.”

...

”S-stop it.” 

Ohhhh. At that moment, all Kageyama wanted to do was to turn around and slam his head against the hard, brick wall in hopes of passing out and never returning to finish this conversation ever again, and the way Hinata’s looking at him seems to suggest that he wishes the same thing. 

But, then, he laughs.

“Wh-what the fuck do you _mean_ stop it?!” He gasps. He still looks panicked, but it seems like Kageyama’s awkwardness somehow diminished it.

”I-I mean stop!...Please.” Kageyama says dumbly. Wait, what was he doing? Hinata’s crying right in front of him. “Uh...what happened?” 

“Why-why does it matter to _you?_ You didn’t seem to care about me before, stupid!”

Ouch. Kageyama’s face burns and he growls. “That-that wasn’t- I-“ He glares at him but then his expression softens as his eyes meet Hinata’s shoulders. “...You're shaking.”

Hinata looks up at him, and that’s when Kageyama noticed how much he’s actually _crying._ His cheeks are red, the top of his nose is red, even his lips seem redder, he’s shaking, he’s anxious. 

“...What happened?”

Hinata opens his mouth, looking like he was about to snap back a response, but he closes it after a second, then looks down to his trembling hands. “I-I um....My mother d-drove me here. A-and I don’t know...it was just...scary.”

”Oh.” 

Oh. Yeah. He definitely gets that. That drive over here...It was the scariest thing Kageyama had to deal with this week. “...Me too.”

Hinata looks up at him. “You...Too?”

”Yeah.” He looks away. “I would’ve...walked if I could... I guess.” 

“I wanted to do badly but— it....hurts.”

“Y-yeah...i know. Me too.”

It’s silent for a moment, the only sound being the chatter of distant students and the choppy sniffling sounds that came from Hinata.

What now? This would be a good moment to apologize right? Like, if this were a movie or a book or something this would be a good time to say it, right? Kageyama swallows, and begins to mentally prepare himself.

 _‘Don’t say anything dumb, Tobio, for gods sake.’_ He hears his mother’s voice distantly bark, and he glares at the ground. His mom is _so_ scary.

“...Hinata.”

Hinata looks up at him, lips turned down into a frown. It’s not exactly an intimidating stare, but it makes him feel 100 times smaller.

”About...about everything that has happened...I’m s...suh-s-uh...um...I’m sorry.”

As soon as the word comes out of his mouth, Kageyama feels the direct blow onto his pride, he also feels his face turn what seems to be an alarming shade of red. He looks down, beyond embarrassed and unwilling to look up and see hinata’s reaction.

He doesn’t have to, and before he knows it, he’s being pulled into a soft hold.

It’s definitely Hinata. It’s at a slightly awkward angle, and it’s only his good arm wrapped around him, but somehow, it feels _nice._ Kageyama swallows. Wow....that feels... _great. Hinata’s hugging him, that means he forgives him._ He did it. He apologized. Him and Hinata are okay again.

For the first time in god knows how long, he smiles, and he doesn’t try to hold it back.

~~~~~

“Lean on me, just like that.”

“Okay. But- Idiot! What are you doing?!”

”My bad! My bad...geez.. Okay, let’s walk.” Hinata grumbles as he begins to walk, kageyama leaning at his side as to not put so much weight on his foot.

Together, they walk into the school.

Its good teamwork. Because of his partial vision, Kageyama steers him in the right direction often, and in return, Hinata gives him sort of a crutch to lean against. It’s almost funny, really, Hinata thinks. How they’re a good team in things that AREN’T volleyball. It makes him wonder if there’s anything else they can be good at together.

Maybe avoiding questions.

Just as Hinata expects, it only takes about two minutes for someone into come up to them

“Hey..I heard on the news about the crash... are you guys...okay?”

Hinata nods quickly, his face turning hot. “Y-yeah.” and continues to walk, hoping that no one else comes up to them.

He was wrong though.

For next 10 minutes, they were held up by all sort of people. Some people they've only talked to a few times, some they didn’t even know. The entire time, Hinata giggles nervously and hides his face, holding back the urge to cry just at the thought of what had happened to his team a week ago. Next to him, Kageyama stiffens every time someone shows signs of coming up to them. He can’t blame him. Can’t people see this isn’t what they need right now? He’s scared...he’s so scared...and he hates being here and he hates-

Kageyama stiffens.

Hinata looks up, but this time, He’s not nervous, he’s doesn’t hide his face.

”Tsukishima!” He says, and he suddenly feels a lot better. He can tell Kageyama doesn’t, though, because he’s still stiff at his side. Hinata stops himself just in time from rolling his eyes. It’s what he gets.

Tsukishima walks up to them, and Hinata assesses him quickly. He’s still limping slightly, and his pale skin is still badly bruised, looking even worse than a few days ago. And he looks absolutely exhausted. Hinata wonders if he’s even slept these past few days, but before he could ponder anymore, Tsukishima turns and raises his eyebrows at Kageyama. “When did you come back?”

Ooooo. Kageyama looks down and mumbles something incoherent, obviously embarrassed. It almost makes Hinata want to laugh, but he’s better than that, so instead, he answers for him. “A few days ago. He was just...really medicated.”

Tsukishima looks like he doesn’t believe it for a second, but thankfully, he leaves it at that. “That’s nice and all, I guess.”

”Yeah. Hey, you seem to be doing a bit better.” Hinata says casually, although he really doesn’t, but the tension was killing him. 

Tsukishima shrugs. “I guess. I haven’t really been doing anything so that might be it.” 

“Yeah, it’s been slow.”

”I visited Yamaguchi, but that was about it.”

That seems to shock Kageyama, and Hinata too. “Wait, really? How is he?” Last time Hinata visited him, the talk was short. Yamaguchi was drugged beyond anything he had, and he was clearly embarrassed about the state of his legs and face.

”He’s okay.”

”He’s not...” Kageyama blurts out from beside him. Both of them look at him, and Kageyama swallows and continues. “He’s not...here today?”

”No.” Tsukishima says immediately. “And he’s not gonna be here for a very long time.” 

At that, Hinata gets an awful feeling of anxiety in his chest. He swallows, and looks up at Kageyama. Kageyama looks back down, just as anxious.

What the hell happened?

~~~~~

Tsukishima can’t concentrate.

He’s _always_ been able to concentrate in class. He’s always been one step ahead of it, even. 

This isn’t the case today. 

But can anyone blame him, really? At least he was coming here...right?  
  
Even if he had to drag himself out of bed after a whole night of jerking awake and staring at the ceiling for the rest of the night. It was good to have some sense of normality...right?

He could do it. It was just another day.

Just another day. Look at the board. Look at the board and _don’t_ think of the weird dreams he’s been having where the bus crashes in some weird game graphics and everyone falls over him and suffocated him to death-

Tsukishima rolls his eyes. This needs to STOP.

It’s just a stupid dream.

Its just a stupid dream...

It’s a stupid dream. He shouldn’t be afraid to sleep.

His eyes close shut.

it’s just a stupid dream.

He starts to drift off.

No ones actually dead....

~~~~~

It’s morning, but it feels like night.

Yamaguchi looks down at his thumbs. One is poking out from a thick cast, another isn’t. He blinks and slowly looks up to look around his room. There’s nothing there he hasn’t seen before. 

Nothing has changed since he looked around 3 minutes ago. 

His window is closed slightly, and not much sunlight comes into his room because of it. It makes the room look more bland and depressing than Yamaguchi has ever felt it to be in his entire life. He swallows and bows his head, pressing his lips together slightly to try and hold back tears.  


He feels stuck. He feels sore. He feels horrible. He feels grey. He can’t get up, he can’t go to school, he can’t even walk to the restroom that’s literally 7 steps away from his bed. He hasn’t showered. He feels dirty and depressed. When he is able to get up and go to the restroom, he stops and looks at the mirror and he feels ugly. Uglier than he already felt. His freckles are nothing more than dust compared to the long scar the trails down from his left eyebrow down to his right cheek. It’s ugly. It’s horrible. He’s never going to be able to get rid of it.   


And his legs...

He looks down at them, and his face scrunches up emotionally. There are literally screws sticking out of them. They’re bruised. They hurt. They’re never going to be the same again. Even his doctor told him. He won’t ever be able to run or play volleyball or maybe even walk without a limp ever again. 

He looks at the deep gashes all over his body due to the glass that attacked him during the crash. They’re never going away. 

He can’t stop the whimper that escapes him. His bodies mangled. He can’t get up by himself, he can’t go out in public, he’s on bed rest until god knows how long, He’s never going to be able to do anything normally ever again. What’s the point? What now?   
  
A sob escapes him.

He wishes he **_DIED._**

The realization shakes him to his core, and he chokes back a gasp. 

He...Wishes he was dead.

**_HE WISHES HE DIED IN THAT CRASH._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awwwwww this chapter give me like sad sweater weather vibes, if it was slower &’ way more depressing, you know?
> 
> WRITING YAMA’S PART WAS SO DEPRESSING WAHHHHHH
> 
> also I’ve officially moved into my new house!!! Yay!!!!!
> 
> Anyways PLEASEEEE comment on what you think if this chapter!!!! See u later babies !!


	10. Liar. (You’re lying to me.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fucking liar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!  
> So a bit before this chapter starts!! I know this chapter is 2nd year centric, but I’m gonna be focusing a lot on Nishinoya’s condition because of how complex these kind of injuries are, and goin in depth in it is gonna be really good for not only me, but for you guys to get a grasp on how hard this is really gonna be on the kiddos, especially noya.  
> Enjoy babies <3
> 
> Dec 15th edit: hi... so I’m getting a bit back tracked, and I’d like to explain why, because this WILL affect the story. 
> 
> in the past week I’ve been getting these tics. They’re nonstop. I’m snapping, whistling, making noises, popping my lips, flipping things off, snapping, punching my chin. All uncontrollably. 
> 
> Now if you know anything about tics (they are mostly associated with Tourette’s) they are hard to control...and apparently (according to my doctor) neurological.  
> yup. I’ve officially gotten a neurological problem.  
> do you see where this is going?
> 
> this is a bit hard for me to deal with right now...so I’m going to deal with it like I deal with everything. Writing.
> 
> If this chapter wasn’t enough Nishinoya centric before, it is now.
> 
> thank you <3

Kiyoko is awake before she’s awake. 

It’s hard to really “Wake up.” now. She wakes up, but she keeps her eyes closed, her mind empty, for as long as she can, until her sister comes knocking at her door and she’s forced to move out of her bed and into the shower. 

It’s hard now. Everything’s just...so hard. Waking up is horrible. She wants to stay in that sleep-like state until everything gets better and she wakes up feeling a bit better about her friends deaths. But she doesn’t. She can’t. She has to be forced awake everyday and go into the shower even though she has no energy to do anything. 

Her mother keeps telling her she can stay home. Kiyoko has. But at some point, enough is enough. And today, she’s going to school.

Aika hops into the seat next to her in the car, just like the day she was released from the hospital, and holds her hand. Kiyoko would drive herself if she could, but she's so sore.

~~And so scared.~~

The car ride is hard but she gets through it, and soon enough, she's looking up at the big doors of her school. 

There's a limp to her step when she walks in, and she keeps her head down, not wanting to attract any attention onto herself. Suddenly, she wants to go home. This was a bad idea. She doesn't like it here right now. Not at all. 

"Kiyoko."

Now, if that was anyone else, she would have straight up ignored them and walked away faster. But she recognized this voice.

She smiles.

“Tanaka.” She turns around, and there he was. Hands in his pockets, and looking much smaller and less confident than what he usually looks like. But thats okay, because just the sight of him is enough to change Kiyoko’s mind for just a second. 

He smiles sheepishly. “You okay?” 

No, she isn’t honestly, but she feels a little better now, so she nods her head, and in a spur of the moment decision, she takes a step forward, wraps her arms around his middle, and leans her head onto the area just under his shoulder.

It takes a second, but Kiyoko feels his arms snake around her waist, and his cheek presses against her head, and suddenly, she feels amazing. Happy, for just a second 

She could do this all day.

~~~~~

“So you’ve been going to school all this time?”

“Yeah.” 

Kiyoko hums, and picks at the rice in her box. Her and Tanaka were sitting on the grass, just under a tree. It was cold, but Kiyoko liked it. “...Oh. That's good...i would have gone but...i didn't feel very good.” 

Tanaka twirls an apple in his hands. “That’s okay! I mean- you know. Obviously you're not gonna be feeling that...well...you know. I didn't at first. I mean- this isn't about me but-”

Kiyoko interrupts him with a small chuckle. “It’s okay, i get it.” 

Tanaka’s face goes red, and he nods quickly, looking down in what seemed to be embarrassment. Kiyoko has to bite back a smile. For such a mean looking guy, he’s such a softy. She distantly imagines a grey, mean looking rottweiler, then imagines it sheepishly looking up at its owner as she wags a treat in its face. Yup. Definitely Tanaka. 

But anyways.

“How are you feeling?” She asks softly, looking up at him. There's a nasty cut on his neck, and his cheek is bruised, but other than that, nothing else is visible due to the sweat pants and hoodie he’s wearing. 

The question seems to catch him a bit off guard, and he shifts a bit to look at her. “Ah...you know-well uh... better! I’m really sore. But...it’s fine. At least i’m not... _that_ hurt, you know?”

“Yeah.” Kiyoko taps at the sparkling water can she picked up at god knows what time. Isn’t that the truth. “At least.”

Several seconds pass, and no conversation is exchanged between her and Tanaka. So Kiyoko just goes back to nibbling at her rice, and trying hard to ignore the wind that’s making her hair get stuck in her lips. It’s not like she minds it. It’s uncomfortable, sure, but After being in the hospital, anything is better than that hectic feeling she experienced while getting treated. She screws her eyes shut at the thought of that day. God...she was so scared. She couldn’t stop crying. Everything was so horrible. 

Her hair tickles at her nose, and she snaps out of her thoughts. It’s enough. How did she even _get_ to that memory? She just has some hair on her face. She can’t be thinking of that right now. She can’t do that to herself.

She looks up, opening her mouth to start speaking at Tanaka, but suddenly stops, because Tanaka’s looking down, and he’s looking troubled. _Really_ troubled. 

She swallows. Should she mention it...?

Yes, if there’s something she shouldn’t do right now, it’s ignore his feelings.

“What are you thinking about?” She says softly.

Tanaka looks up at her, surprised, and they meet eyes. Then, he looks to the side, breaking their brief eye contact. “...Can i tell you something?”

”Yes.” Kiyoko doesn’t hesitate.

Tanaka presses his lips together and suddenly, they're making eye contact again. “Well...Nishinoya...You know how he hit his head..and he’s not doing that good?”

”Yes.” Where is this going?

That troubled look is sneaking its way into his face again, and it worries Kiyoko. “I...Well I visited him. Well-Me and Saeko visited him-But...I think...I think I messed up.”

Suddenly, Kiyoko’s heart skips.

 _‘Messed up what?! What happened to him?’_ she wants to yelp, but she forces herself calm before she can startle him, and she simply says “Tanaka? What do you mean?”   
  
He looks down, eyes furrowed, looking supremely guilty. “...He asked about Asahi and...we didn’t tell him. We didn’t tell him anything.” 

The new information takes a moment to sink in. Tanaka and Saeko did not tell Nishinoya that his team died.

It takes another moment.

Then, Kiyoko starts to fight with herself. _Really_ fight with herself.   
  
On one hand, Nishinoya was not mentally capable of handling any mildly upsetting news from what Tanaka was telling her before. The blow to the head messed with his brain, and it shows. 

But on the other hand....

On the other hand, it’s wrong, and they both know it. Although if she really thinks about it, due to the aphasia Nishinoya was experiencing... but that still doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to know about his...

“...yoko...Kiyoko?”

She hums in acknowledgment. “Sorry, I was thinking.” 

“Oh...Oh okay.” He sounds relived, and Kiyoko almost smacks herself. How could she just forget to answer? It was obvious he felt guilty, she shouldn’t go making it seem like she thinks he was being the worst person ever.

”Okay.” She looks up to meet his eyes, but Tanaka is looking angrily at the ground. Aw. “Tanaka.” 

“I messed up, didn’t i?” He growls. He looks mad at himself, and something akin to sadness strikes Kiyoko’s chest.

Still, she smiles. “I haven’t even said anything yet. Will you let me speak?”

That seems to really shock him, and he jerks up to match her height, looking like that little scared Rottweiler again. “Oh-yeah, yeah, of course! Uh...sorry!”

She leans her back up against the tree they were sitting under. "Good...I don't think you did anything bad."

Tanaka frowns. "Wait, really?"

"No. You did the right thing.... _for the time, at least,"_

That confuses Tanaka. "For the...time?"

"Yes" Kiyoko nods, frowning. "You visited him only a few days after...that, right? So he really wasn't in the position to know that information just yet. But it's been a whole week now. He still doesn't know what happened. We shouldn't do this to him. I think...its time to tell him."

Tanaka’s silent for a moment. He plays with the stem of the apple in his hand. Then, slowly, he nods. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right, I think it’s time he knows. I just...I don-“

”I’ll do it with you.”

”Wait...Really?”

Kiyoko simply smiles. It doesn’t feel as forced this time.

It takes Tanaka a second, but he smiles back in his familiar, toothy smile. He looks grateful.

And that makes Kiyoko happy.

~~~~~

Nishinoya’s eating lunch, all by himself, and he’s really excited.

Well, almost by himself. In actuality, his mothers in the restroom, and for a few seconds, he’s alone. No one burning holes through his body with their eyes. He’s alone. 

So yes, he’s excited.

It sounds dumb, but somehow, after all these days of having people fuss over him and watch his every move, it’s a nice change of pace. There’s a few fried vegetables on his plate. He immediately goes to grab them with his hand, only remembering seconds after that he had a perfectly good pair of chopsticks right next or him. Feeling slightly disappointed in himself, he places the veggie back on his plate, and instead, he reaches for the water.

He grips onto the water bottle in his left hand. Or is it his right? He can’t figure it out, and honestly, it’s a bit frustrating, but he ignores it the best he can. Instead, he brings the bottle of water up to his lips, and starts to take little sips from the top of it.

His head leans back a little as the water gets to half empty, and that’s when it happens.   
  
His head suddenly jerks to the side, unexpectedly and forcibly, and cause water to splash over the bottom half of his face. As his head jerks, it pushes his hand to the side as well, and just as unexpected, his hand suddenly collapses into itself, and promptly causes him to drop the water onto the floor and onto the sheets.

There’s a few seconds of silence as Nishinoya takes in the situation. The sheet is damp, his shirt is dripping. There’s water on his face. 

Suddenly, something rises in Nishinoya’s chest. Anger.

It’s uncomfortable, it fills up his entire chest area, and at that moment, all Nishinoya could do to relive himself of that feeling is let it out through his throat, and suddenly, he spits out a string of broken profanities and before he can help it, his hand grabs onto the tray on his lap, and throws it onto the wall.

Theres a beat of silence.   
  
Then, Nishinoya’s entire body goes hot and he feels himself pale. He didn’t mean that. He really did mean that. He takes it back. Oh fuck....oh fuck oh FUCK.

The silence is now broken by the sound of his heavy breathing, and he begins to whimper. Oh fuck. He messed up. What did he DO? WHY DID HE DO THAT?

Withiut thinking, he swings himself off the bed and begins to walk towards the mess, desperate to clean it up.   
  
He doesn’t make it very far.

He collapses onto the floor, suddenly whining in pain as his entire body burns and pulses. Worst of all, his foot throbs against his briefly forgotten cast.   
  
He sobs weakly, only just then realizing his hospital gown is quickly dampening with the spilt water.   
  
And that’s how his mother find him. Crying, wet, dirty. 

Nishinoya is beginning to hate himself.

~~~~~

Kinoshita wiggles his toes.

Then his fingers.

He scrunches up his nose.

His eyes dart left to right. They take in the space around him. His room.

Still nothing. He still can’t tell if this is a dream. 

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck. His breathing begins to quicken.

And he repeats the same thing again. He wiggles his toes, his fingers, his nose.

Over

and over 

and over 

and over again.

His fingers start to cramp up, it only makes him wiggle them harder.

He needs to wake up. He needs to wake up.

He looks at the clock in the corner of his bedroom, and suddenly, his breathing catches in his throat. 

It’s oozing blood.

Out of familiar, chocolate colored eyes.

just like Daichi’s.

Kinoshita wants to shout out, to cry for help, to get up and run out of his room because clocks aren’t supposed to _bleed._

But.....

He can’t?

He can’t move. He’s stuck on his bed. It’s like his muscles are ignoring him. Like his brain isn’t sending singles to the right place. 

Like something is weighing him down.

Kinoshita gasps, and he wakes up.

The first thing he does is look at the clock. He doesn’t stretch, he doesn’t take a second for himself. He looks at the clock. Just a glance at first, since he was scared, but then....there’s nothing.

He swallows. Fuck....

He looks down.

He’s sitting up on his bed, like he hadn’t planned on falling asleep. Understandable, considering he hasn’t allowed himself sleep in days. He must have passed out unexpectedly. 

He fiddles with his fingers, tears gathering into the corner of his eyes. 

Daichi’s eyes were bleeding. He was crying blood.

What could that mean?

~~~~~

”...Ready?”

”Mhm.”

Tanaka and Kiyoko lock eyes, then, taking a deep breath, he twists the door handle, which leads them into Nishinoya’s room.

He’s nervous. Really nervous. Not really because he’s scared to see the condition in which he’s in, (although that in and of itself nerve wracking too) but father because he really, really isn’t looking forward to explaining everything that has happened to Nishinoya. 

Nishinoya loves the team more than anything in the world, and that’s what scares Tanaka.

He’s scared to see what his reaction is going to be. How he’s going to have to witness Nishinoya’s heart break clean as he realizes his team is no longer a team.

That they’ve been separated.

Before he can get too deep into his thoughts, he feels Kiyoko lay a gentle hand onto his shoulder, like she knows exactly what’s going on in his head.

He looks at her, and she smiles.   
  
That’s all the encouragement he needs to push the door open. 

Immediately, there’s the sound of bed sheets rustling, like someone’s sitting up very quickly. 

The first thing Tanaka notices is Nishinoya’s familiar shaggy black and blonde hair.

He smiles. He missed that hair.

“Hi Noya.” Kiyoko says politely as they inch closer to his bed and sat down wherever they could. “We missed you.”

Nishinoya blinks, then he waves at Kiyoko. 

If this were the old Noya, Tanaka would probably make a joke about how it wasn’t fair that Kiyoko was the one getting the special treatment instead of him, his best friend, but because it wasn’t, he stays quiet and waves at him. “How have you been?”

At that, Nishinoya frowns, and looks down. Then, he shrugs. 

Hm. “Yeah, it doesn’t look very fun around here.” He tries to lighten the mood, giving a bit of a chuckle. 

It doesn’t work, and it only serves to make Nishinoya pick at his fingers and avoid eye contact. Ouch. Tanaka feels his pride take a harsh blow.

He looks at Kiyoko, and she shrugs. “I thought it was funny.” She mouths. 

Whatever.

Tanaka opens his mouth to ask something, then closes it once he realizes that _he already used his typical conversation starters._ He purses his lips together. Well, it’s not like anything else would work anyways, it seems like Nishinoya isn’t really in the mood to talk anyways.

Tanaka thinks back to last time he visited him. It....was the exact same thing, actually. Nishinoya’s muteness...

Maybe somethings wrong?

He looks at Nishinoya. He’s still playing with his fingers, apparently very distracted and focused on them.It seems like he didn’t even _acknowledge_ their presence.

Tanaka glances over at Kiyoko. She looks just as confused as him.

“So....Noya.” She says after a while of awkward silence. Nishinoya looks up, eyes wide with curiosity. 

“What have you done these past few days?” she says a bit forced, like she was trying to ease Nishinoya into a simple conversation.

It also seems she isn’t really sure what to say either, and it’s a bit awkward, but Tanaka can’t blame her for trying. She’s doing more than he’s doing, anyways.

Nishinoya shrugs again, and the silence is back.

Tanaka huffs. He _really_ isn’t making this easy. He opens his mouth to try and pull some more details from him, but before he does that, something unexpected happens

Nishinoya’s head jerks to the side. 

“Woah! you OK?” Tanaka perks up, a bit worried about how suddenly it happened.

Thankfully, Nishinoya simply blinks a few times, and nods at them, flashing a thumbs up.

”Oh good...” Kiyoko says, sounding a bit suspicious. “What just happened? Has that happened before?”

Nishinoya looks up at them, surprised and looking what Tanaka assumed was to be a bit scared because of the way he was getting a question asked so directly.

Then, he shifts. “Ya.”

Oooh. It was a simple noise that came out him, but it gives Tanaka a sense of comfort to hear his best friends voice again. He holds back a smile, because of what Nishinoya just said, and instead, He says. “Careful. You should tell someone about that.”

Nishinoya nods after a minute, then his head jerks again, more violently this time.

Tanaka reaches out without thinking, feeling Kiyoko do the same. In all honesty, he wasn’t really sure why that was his first impulse. But apparently, it wasn’t the right one.

Nishinoya gasps, and he flinches away, pressing his back against the back of the bed and far as he could. 

There’s a second before Tanaka registers what happened, and when he does, Kiyoko’s already in the middle of apologizing. 

Shit.

”Oh man...I’m-I’m so sorry Noya...! I didn’t think that would....” He trails off, feeling his face grow hot. He lets his head bow. Why did he even do that? There’s was no point in doing that anyways! Him and his stupid impulses....

An elbow taps on his side.   
  
Confused, he looks up to Kiyoko, the only person who could’ve hit him, and she stares at him with sharp eyes. 

Something that scream _‘Look.’_

He looks at Nishinoya.

Hes staring at them. His eyebrows are furrowed, his lips are parted slightly. He looks...Confused. 

Why?

Tanaka opens his mouth to ask if he’s okay, but before he can, Nishinoya _speaks. Actually speaks._

“Ta-Tanaka?”

Tanaka tenses up, as though he’d just been called on in school to answer a question he wasn’t listening to. “I-uh-yeah? What’s up?”

Nishinoya looks at Kiyoko, that confused look still on his face. Then, he mutters something.

”What’s that?” Kiyoko says, her face soft and encouraging.

Tanaka briefly wonders how she can do that so _effortlessly._

Nishinoya shakes his head, looking disappointed. 

_Disappointed in what?_

”Neverm-mind.” He mutters again.

What a _weird_ interaction they were having! 

Wait. No. That’s not fair. That’s not fair to think. Why did he even think that? That’s not fair to think. Nishinoya got hit in his head, obviously he wasn’t going to be in his best mental condition....

Tanaka gets the sudden urge to pinch himself, but instead, he bites the inside of his cheek and he tries his best to send his best friend an encouraging smile. He just hopes he doesn’t make him cry again. (Again with the weird mean thoughts!) “Hey. You can tell us, we won’t judge or anything.” 

Nishinoya looks up. He looks hesitant, and confused.

Tanaka watches as Kiyoko gives him another soft smile.

After a few seconds, Nishinoya slowly nods, and fiddles with his fingers. “I-I....D-don’t know wha-wha-what hap-p-pened. I keep....I-I-k-keep forget-TING.” He says, lurching forward on that last syllable.   
  
Tanaka reacts a bit to that, then backs off once he remembers what happened the last time. Then, Nishinoya’s words sink in.

Wait.

Wait.

Ohhhh no. Oh no oh no oh no. He isn’t ready for this. He isn’t ready for this. This is what they came here to do, but he’s not ready. He can’t...

Tanaka looks over at Kiyoko, wide eyed, but shes looking at right into Nishinoya’s eyes. Like she’s carefully evaluating what their next move could possibly be. What they should tell him. 

After a moment, she suddenly speaks. “We crashed on our way back from a volleyball game.”

Nishinoya blinks at the explanation. Then he looks down at his lap somberly “Oh. R-r-right.”

Yeah. Oh.

Now what? A few seconds pass, and there was no question from Nishinoya. Nothing. But they still had to tell him about what really happened to everyone. What really happened that day. 

So now what?

Once again, Tanaka finds himself looking over at Kiyoko for support. (What a cowardly move....honestly.)

She doesn’t meet his eye, she’s too busy looking at Nishinoya. 

It’s a hard sort of stare. One that’s almost trying to dig into his thoughts. Maybe that’s what she was trying to do. Trying to figure out what’s going in in Nishinoya’s head right now. 

Nishinoya keeps a neutral expression. There’s no way of reading his face. It’s like he isn’t even sure how to express how he’s feeling.

But then something in his face changes. He looks down, his eyebrows furrowed as though he’s confused. He starts muttering to himself. 

“Uh...” Tanaka looks at Kiyoko once again m, unsure of what to do now. “You-You okay?” 

Nishinoya looks at him, blank faced for a second, then he looks up to his left. “Thin-thinking.”

Tanaka opens his mouth to respond, but hesitates, not wanting to come off as too strong.

Thankfully, Kiyoko speaks up for him. “Hey...Whatever it is, we can help you, Noya.” She smiles. 

Tanaka, feeling a bit more motivated now, smiles at him too. “Yeah man. We’re here for you.”

Apperently that wasn’t the best thing to say.

Nishinoya glares at them, and hums as though he’s displeased. “Why-why d-don’t y-y-you mind your-our own busin-ness?”

Ouch!

Tanaka shrinks back a bit. Wow. Nishinoya had never said anything like THAT before. Wow... He can’t help but feel a bit rejected. What did they even do? They were just trying to be nice.

Tanaka looks over at Kiyoko. Her face is a bit red, but other than that, she looks more observant than insulted.

Several seconds pass. Nishinoya is still glaring, this time the glare directed to a specific spot on the floor. He huffs, oddly frustrated with something. But what? Tanaka _just couldn’t tell-_

“Noya? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it in that way.”   
  
Both Tanaka’s and Nishinoya’s heads jerk up to look at Kiyoko. 

_‘Mean It? That way?_ ’ Tanaka frowns. What other way could she possibly mean it? He sends Kiyoko a confused look, and she raises her eyebrows at him. Something that screams ‘ _Shut up. Go along with it. I_ _got_ _this.’_

So Tanaka goes along with it, and Kiyoko takes the second to explain.

“See...I...I asked what’s wrong because I thought we could talk about everything that’s has happened. It’s been really stressful for me. I just feel...Trapped. I thought you all could understand how I feel. That’s why I asked. I thought....Maybe we could help each other.” 

Oh.

Now he gets it.

She remembered. She knows. 

Of course she does. She knows how Nishinoya is. She knows better than anyone. 

Selfless. Always wanting to help others, never accepts any type of help. Always have to pull his feelings from him. By talking about yourself. 

He guesses there’s just some things about Nishinoya that you can’t change.

  
  


For a second, Tanaka almost seems to be sucked into a dream like state. His mind goes blank, and suddenly, he feels like he’s back in the gym.

There’s a volleyball in his hand. He’s outlining the creases with his finger. 

They had just lost against Aoba Johsai. He was feeling...really down. 

He _is_ feeling down.

Theres a tap on his shoulder. He looks back. It’s Nishinoya.

”Hey Noya. What’s up?”

”Nothing, I just noticed your over here moping like a loser.”

”Well, I mean. It’s kind of true.”

”Nah.”

”What do you mean ‘Nah.’ ?!”

”What I just said! Just because we lost doesn’t mean we’re losers!”

”...”

”Don’t look at me like that! I know it sounds dumb but it’s true! Losing doesn’t make us any less of a player, which is kinda what a loser means..I think. Stop moping around just because we lost once. We’ll win next time.” 

“Fine. Whatever....You’re right. Hey, you’re face is all red. Are you okay?”

“Huh....What?”

”You look reall-“

”Yeah i’m good. Jeez. Anyways, stop moping. It’s not a good look on you. I’m gonna go make Asahi buy me a popsicle.” 

“...Ok.” Tanaka frowns, but Nishinoya only grins widely, and flashes a peace sign before strutting away.

Why does Nishinoya always put others first before himself? Why doesn’t he want the same help he gives? 

Tanaka takes a big inhale. It smells like...Sweat and fresh air. It’s cold, and he’s sweating. It’s dark, but the gym lights are bright in his eyes.

Then he falls. 

For a second, there’s a horrible feeling in his chest. A horrible, horrible feeling. His stomach burns with the force of it, and then, he’s sucked back into reality. 

Immediatly after, he gasps.

His hearts beating out of his chest. His entire face is warm. The heat travels straight to his palms. He can feel them dampening.

For a second, he can’t see. He can’t hear. Everything’s blurry and muffled. 

Them, his vision clears, the sound around him becomes audible again. 

And Kiyoko is front of him. 

She’s really close...

Suddenly he’s aware of his body being shaken side to side by his shoulder.

“What...uh...” Tanaka tried to say. His tongue feels heavy. He swallows, and tries again. “Why are you shaking me?” 

Kiyoko looks at him wide eyed, ceasing her movements. “You looked completely dead for a second. I asked you something and...you just..Are you okay?” 

What the FUCK just happened...?!

”Yeah. I was just spaced out. Thinking. You know. What’s going on?”

Kiyoko still looks at him wide eyed. “Uh...Nishinoya-“

Tanaka hears a slight whimper, and a sniffle.

”...He’s crying now.”

”What? Why?” 

“I scared him. I guess I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did...” She looks sheepish, but Tanaka ignores it, and goes to scoot next to where Nishinoya was now blue-ing out.

”Hey, come on now. What happened?”

Nishinoya looks up, eyes blank, then, after a second, he gives Tanaka a confused look. “Huh?”

...

”You okay?”

Nishinoya scoffs, but then his eyebrows furrow, and he looks at Tanaka, dead in the eye, and Tanaka’s heart picks up speed. 

Why?

Because that looks like Nishinoya. 

Like actual Nishinoya. Old, Pre crash Nishinoya.

”W-where were you-ou?” Nishinoya says after a few seconds.

”W-what?” Tanaka gasps, looking over at Kiyoko in shock, unable to figure out what the hell Nishinoya was referring to. Kiyoko shrugs, looking supremely confused as well. 

Looks like he was on his own.

“I...What do you mean?” He says softly. 

Nishinoya scrunches his nose up. “Th-that hap-hap-happens to me t-too.” 

Tanaka can’t do anything but stare at him in shock.

How he was able to see through what had just happened to him was beyond shocking. Gods sake, Nishinoya couldn’t even remember what had happened the week before. How does he understand what had just happened to him?!

“What...Happens to you, Noya?” Kiyoko leans in gently, no doubt trying to contain her peaking curiosity. 

Nishinoya looks at her confused. “Pict-pictures?” 

Picture... _pictures._

”Of what?” Tanaka leans in as well, without quite meaning to. 

Nishinoya stares at them both for a second. “A-Asahi.” 

As soon as those words leave his mouth, Tanaka’s blood runs cold. He feels the blood leave his face. It feels awful. “A-Asahi...?” 

Nishinoya nods. 

Him and Kiyoko side eye each other quickly, before he speaks. “Asahi...Doing what?”

Nishinoya motions a book. 

Tanaka’s confused for a second, because if Nishinoya has had the same thing he just experienced, then it means it had to have been something that had already happened...

Then it hit him. 

_Asahi had been reading that day. On the bus._

So Nishinoya DID remember! And that’s why he had asked about Asahi the other day when Saeko and him had visited, because it was the only memory he could recall clearly! 

He looks at Kiyoko, and she seems to have come to the same conclusion as him, because she smiles sadly. “Noya, that actually did happen. You _do_ remember one thing about what happened that day.”

Nishinoya raises his eyebrows in surprise. “O-oh...H-h-he...” He looks down to his lap, and the side of his lip perks up ever so slightly. His mood gradually begins to look...better...

He even looks _proud_ of himself. 

Tanaka opens his mouth to say something, but before he can, Nishinoya blurts out. 

“C-can he com-come-come?”

...

...

”A-Asahi?” Kiyoko asks softly. 

Tanaka looks between them both wide eyed. 

“Mmm.” Nishinoya says in agreement.

_Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck._

_This was it._

”Nishinoya....” Tanaka chokes out. Everything he had been planning to say on the way to the hospital disappeared in an instant. “You....”

He looks at Kiyoko. 

“He can’t come.” She says softly, eyes glimmering. “He can’t come Noya, I’m sorry.” 

Nishinoya looks at them both, his eyes dart between them. 

“...Hm?” 

He looks so confused. So confused. 

He needs to know.

“He’s....He’s not with us anymore, Noya.” Tanaka finally says. After a week of waiting, a week of fighting with himself, a week with Noya being in the dark. He finally knows.

Nishinoya’s face drops, and he quickly pales. 

That’s all it takes for Tanaka to bow his head and look down, avoiding Nishinoya’s eyes.

There’s that heartbroken expression he knew he was going to see.

It was even worse in person. No amount of preparing could have made this less painful. 

“Tanaka!” 

A rough whisper snaps him out of his thoughts.

It’s Kiyoko.

He looks up, only to see a panicked expression on her face. He opens his mouth to ask what’s the problem, but before he could ask, a sharp, hate filled voice growls out.

”F-f....Fucking _liar.”_

Tanaka nearly gives himself whiplash again from how quickly he turns his head to look at Nishinoya. 

Nishinoya’s glaring at him, _hard._ It’s actually a bit scary. His hands are balled into fists and he’s trembling. “Y-y-you’re....F-fu—hngh... W-what-what are you e-even... How-how is... **You’re lying!”**

”Noya! Why would I even lie about that?!” Tanaka finds himself yelping out, feeling a bit offended and hurt.

He tries to tell himself that Nishinoya’s not in the right headspace right now. That he’s not _okay._ It doesn’t work. Tanaka begins to feel himself grow angry, and he stiffens up, leaning forward. “I wouldn’t lie about that! This situations confusing enough at it is! We’re just trying to-“

”Ryuu!” Kiyoko hisses, she places a hand on his shoulder and pushes him back. “ **Don’t!”**

Tanaka glares right back at Nishinoya, whose evidently digging his nails into his palm. 

“Y-you both a-are-are-are....” Nishinoya can’t even finish his sentence, he doesn’t have to finish for Tanaka to understand. 

“We’re not.”

”Y-You a-are!”

Tanaka opens his mouth to childishly retaliate, before he feels a hand jab at his side.

A few seconds pass, then he takes a deep breath, and looks at Nishinoya, who’s still fuming.

This isn’t what they need. They can’t fight. 

They’re supposed to stick together. They can’t fall apart now, when they most need each other.

”...I’m not fighting with you. We can’t do this. Look...Noya... It’s true. I didn’t want to tell you the last time I came here, because...I thought you were dealing with too much. But...Kiyoko told me that...you needed to know.” 

He looks picks at his fingers, and he swallows, almost as an attempt to pass his anxiety elsewhere.

Noya needs to hear this. Noya needs to hear this. He needs to hear this.

”...He wasn’t he only one, Nishinoya. Yachi, Ennoshita, Narita, Daichi, and Takeda are all gone. They didn’t survive.”

Nishinoya still looks angry, then he looks over at Kiyoko. Tanaka sees that she’s tearing up, fat tears starting to roll down her face and chin, the names apparently too much to even hear.

Nishinoya sees that too. 

He visibly deflates.

”N-n....o...”

Kiyoko rushes forward to wrap her arms around him. Nishinoya is silent for a second. He’s stiff against her arms.

Then, he begins to bawl.

Hearing that was the equivalent of being dunked into ice cold water. It’s a sound Tanaka has never, _ever_ heard him do.

Nishinoya didn’t cry. He never cried. He always held back. He never let himself be vulnerable. 

If Tanaka had it in him at the moment, he would have cried, too.

But he didn’t. He’s frozen. 

_Why did it have to be them?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jzjsjsjsjsjs


	11. Thank you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Thank you.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay!! A short, early, third year chapter!!
> 
> I APOLOGIZE FOR ANY SPELLING MISTAKES
> 
> Sowwy
> 
> ALSO TW: Suicide and cut mentions ish....

It’s 3:00 AM on a school night.

Kiyoko knows she has to get up in a few hours, but she can’t sleep. 

She’s too busy thinking.

_ Click. Tap. _

The blue light of her computer is too bright against the darkness of the quiet night.

_Click tap tap_.

‘Self harm scars.’

_ Click. _

‘Suicide attempt scars.’

Kiyoko scrolls through pictures and pictures of stitches. Scars. Ugly, _ugly_ scars.

She stops scrolling. The hand that was previously on the computer mouse unconsciously reaches down to stroke her wrist. 

The stitches she had gotten the day of the crash had been removed. 

And in its place, it began to scar. 

She slowly brings her wrist up to the computer screen, and she begins to compare her wounds to the ones on the screen. 

They were identical. 

Kiyoko scrunches her eyes closed.

Memories of the previous day begin to flood through her head.

_ She can hear whispers.  _

_ They’re talking about her. She knows it.  _

_ A sense of anxiety fills her chest. She hates school now. She hates it. Bowing her head, she tries to focus on the worksheet on her desk. _

_ Radicals...radicals....radical equations... _

_ “Suicide...” _

_ Her focus is shattered. _

_ Suicide?  _

_ Her head doesn’t move up to search for the voices. _

_ But she listens in. Closely. _

_ “...looks like she cut herself...kill herself... or something... I feel bad for her but...now she looks depressed....just making herself look worse...” _

Kiyoko blinks dryly, the computer light tiring her eyes out, but she feels wide awake.

Stupid....stupid girls. 

She strokes the bumpy lineson her wrist. 

How dare they...?

...But fuck....they were right.

She was always so insecure about the scars on her legs. Now she has her arms to cover up.

She breathes out sharply, her lips turning downwards into a watery frown as she shoves her face in her palms.

Her entire body is ruined now. 

Girls are supposed to be flawless. Pretty. Delicate, flower like. That’s what her mother always told her. That’s what all the boys and girls think. She already lost most of that when she started track and got all those scars.

Now she’s absolutely ruined. 

She lays her head down on her arms, gently, as to not hurt herself. 

Closing her eyes, she replays the exact moment she got those cuts.

She never ends up going to sleep.

~~~~~

“Here you go baby.” 

There’s a thump as Suga’s mom places a weird looking, squeezable cup full of yellow lemonade in front of him.

He stares at the cup.

The cup full of thickened water. Artificially flavored water. All he can drink.

It’s disgusting. 

He makes a face, and apparently, it’s evident enough for his mom to notice, and she sighs. 

“You only have to drink this for a few more weeks. You got this.”

A few more weeks...He’s so sick of this. He wants to be normal and do normal things without needing to be babied.

All he does is nod, though. What else can he really do?There’s no point in complaining, so he grabs the glass with his mobile arm, and swirls the liquid in the the glassa few times. He cringes at the sight of the weird consistency, but ultimately, ends up bringing the straw to his lips.

But before he squeezes, he hesitates. Stopping for a moment, he moves his tongue to the back of his throat and moves it around. Then, he tries to swallow dryly. His throat moves weakly. 

Suga nervously swishes the water around. Honestly, he’s a bit scared to drink. The back of his throat feels really...weak. Like it doesn’t want to move at all. 

He rolls his eyes a bit. Why was he being so ridiculous? He did it the last time....a little bit. He thinks. Ok, not really. It wasn’t with this. But It can’t be that bad. 

So he puts the straw in the inside of his cheek and squeezes. 

Ugh...That was gross. He leans his head against his head, sloshing the liquid around with his tongue. He really just wants to eat some really good spicy tof-

The cup falls out of his hand, and instinctively, he bends over, and the water pours out of his mouth, splattering against the table.

“Koushi?!” His mom yelps, looking up from her phone, evidently just as surprised as he is. He raises his palm in dismissal, and just looks up at her, motioning towards the mess in hopes she gets the memo and gets him a towel.

She does, and Suga’s left to think about what the hell just happened to him.

He had tried to swallow. Like he normally did, no hesitation or anything, his throat just...didn’t listen? It didn’t move or anything. It just...closed up.

Holy shit. That was crazy. He needs to be more careful....

A few minutes later, his mess was cleaned up (with a stern. “Be careful!”) and the straw was in his mouth again.

Focus....Not too fast...swallow... _swallow_....

But with the water halfway down his throat, his throat suddenly gives out, and he’s back at square one, coughing and sputtering out liquid all over his shirt.

He gasps, pain filling up his chest, his throat. Fuck... _his throat_. Tears of pain form in the corner of his eyes as his mom runs back in and rubs his back.

“Koushi, breath! _Breath_....please baby...”

A pitch-less, raspy whimper escaped him weakly. Fuck. Why is this so hard? It’s just drinking water, it’s not supposed to be hard. 

Once he’s all cleaned up, he stares at the cup, then looks over at his mom, whose now watching him like a hawk in case he chokes again. He shifts uncomfortably. 

His mother apparently noticeshis stress, because she sighs, and gets up, grabbing her phone. 

“This isn’t working.” She says. “I’m gonna talk to the doctor. Just...just wait a bit, okay?”

Suga slouches into himself and watches as she walks out of the room and into her bedroom. His eyes leave the door and dart back to the water in front of him.

Later, when his moms on the phone, distracted, he pours the drink into the sink.

He really isn’t hungry anyways.

~~~~~

The hours go by fast, but slow at the same time. And Suga just sits his room.

He’s running out of things to do. He alternates between watching shows, youtube, crying, sleeping. It gets old quickly. His sleep schedule is all messed up from taking so many naps, he doesn’t go out, nothing. 

He sighs, and lays on his side, scrolling away on his computer. It’s Netflix now, he guesses. What a surprise. 

He trying to find something he hasn’t actually watched yet, when there’s a knock on the door. 

He ignores it. It can’t be for him anyways. 

A few seconds pass. There’s another knock. 

With an annoyed sigh, he slowly rises from his bed. Maybe it was the twins? It’s a little early for them to be out of school, but maybe there was some special day today or something. So he walks to the door tiredly and opens it, and immediately turns around to go to the kitchen. The twins are hardcore about getting there snacks right when they get home. 

“You just gonna leave me here standing?” A familiar, teasing voice says. 

Suga rubs his face to wake himself up, and turns his head towards the door once again, only to see that it ISN’T the twins, it was Kiyoko.

Suga feels his face heat up greatly, but Kiyoko just giggles.

“May I?” She motions towards the inside of the house.

Suga nods sheepishly, and make way for her to enter. She bows, and walks to his side. They face each other, and she smiles. 

“I bought you some juice.” She holds out a box for him to grab. It’s his favorite: peach. “I was going to bring cookies, but then I really thought about it, and realized that wasn’t the best idea.” 

Suga smiles as best he can and waves her off. Then, he bows, hoping Kiyoko gets the message. 

She does, as always. “I just wanted to...say hi. “ She says. For a second, she looks sad, then she smiles shyly. “I needed to get out of the house for something other than school.” She talks quietly. “And check up on you.”

Somethings bothering her. Suga can tell. Kiyoko may be good at shifting the attention towards something else to avoid showing her true feelings, but Suga can fish them out just as easily. 

He takes the juice and attempts to smile again. Then, he tries something he’s been practicing. Placing the juice on the table next to him, he flattens his hands, and his puts his right hand to his left wrist, waving it up and down.

‘ _Thank you_.” 

Kiyoko blinks.

Then, she beams. “You’ve been learning how to sign!” 

Suga motions ‘a little’, not knowing the sign for it

“Is that all you know so far?” 

Suga shakes his head, then holds up a “1”

“It’s the first word you learned.” 

Suga nods.

“That’s great, Suga!” Kiyoko says. She genuinely looks happy for him, and she grabs his free hand. “It’s great you’re starting to learn!”

Suga wasn’t listening though, he was to busy trying to keep himself upright. Kiyoko was grabbing his hand..... _actually_ grabbing his hand-

He hears Kiyoko sigh. “And here I thought this wouldn’t happen.” 

Suga smiles meekly. Oops.

~~~~~

‘So what happened?’

Kiyoko takes a glance at the paper Suga slid her, and clicks her tongue. 

“I don’t know what your talking about.”

Suga raises an eyebrow. Yeah sure. As if he’s going to believe _that_. She’s been fiddling with the sleeves of her shirt the whole time they’ve been sitting in his room.

‘Please tell me? You’ve been asking me question after question, but you never told me if you were okay.” 

It’s true. About half an hour ago, Her had asked her about her days, and if she’s been okay. As usual, she avoided the question, and resorted to fretting over him instead. 

Now, she just looks away.

“It’s nothing. Really. It’s dumb.”

‘Nothing that’s bothering you is dumb.’ 

It’s silent for a second. Kiyoko presses her lips together, eyes darting around, as though she’s thinking about what she should say. 

“Do you....” she begins after a few seconds. “Do you....have any enemies?”

Suga’s eyes widen, stumped by the question. He shakes his hand, as though saying “it’s complicated.” 

“People that don’t like you.” She balls up one of her fists weakly, her fingers tap against her palm. “Or just don’t care, they say what they want to say. They’re cruel people.” 

Everything suddenly clicks. Suga covers the lower half of his face to hide his surprise.

Kiyoko’s being bullied? Teased? For what? 

Suga quickly grabs his pencil and writes. ‘What are they saying?’ 

Suga sees her hesitate. 

“....Killing myself.” 

Something about that word strikes a dagger into his heart. 

“They think the scars I got on my wrist from the windows look like I failed at killing myself.” She leans her head back in his dresser. “And they say I look too sad now, I’m prefect for the part. Whatever that means.” 

It’s quiet, then, she says. “I know it’s silly to complain about it. I mean...look at the situation we’re in... but... _I feel_...”

Oh. Oh. 

Normally Suga is really good at knowing what to say. 

But something about this certain situation....

It stumps him. 

For the first time in what seems like forever, he truly doesn’t know how to help. 

He tries to imagine himself in that situation. 

What to say, what he would like to have said to him... What would make him feel better.

His minds blank, but he still moves to write. 

It takes him only about 8 seconds to write, and another 8 to lean over, and grab the one thing he knew would make him feel better if he was in that situation. 

Kiyoko grabs the note. 

‘True beauty is reflected in the soul.’

She looks at the juice box in his hand. 

It takes her 8 seconds to reach up, and grab it. 

Suga smiles, and puts the note down, his hands coming up to sign the only word he knows, and the only word that is needed. 

‘ _Thank you_.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to a reverb and slowed version of heather by Conan gray the entire time I write this cause the tune (but not the lyrics obv) fit the whole vibe
> 
> BUT ANYWAYS OMGGG THIRD YEAR FLUFF FINALLY!!! I CRIED WRITING THIS AND I HAVENT EVEN WRITTEN IT YET CAUSE IM WRITING THE NOTES WHILE IM ON THE SUGA SCENE
> 
> Bruh halfway through I totally forgot Suga couldn’t talk cause it’s 6:00 am as I write this, and I was writing the scene where Suga open the door and it went like this:
> 
> ~~  
> So he walks to the door tiredly and opens it, and immediately turns around to go to the kitchen.  
> “Hey babes. What do you want for snack?”  
> “I didn’t know I was your babe” a familiar, teasing voice says.  
> ~~  
> THAT COULD HAVE BEEN SO FUNNY
> 
> As always leave a comment PLEASE BABIES it makes me a very happy camper but u don’t have to if u don’t want u know it’s just a suggestion-
> 
> Bye my loves!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Make sure to comment what you guys think! I thrive on comments. See you next chapter!


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